Dinosaur Dracula!

Vlog: “Horri-Ballz” Monster Doll Review.

My kind and generous buddy, DJ D, sent me an incredible Halloween care package with all sorts of goofy/great stuff inside. Including this!

His name is Marzian, and he’s one of the Horri-Ballz – furry alien monsters who make strange noises when you beat them up. Like Tribbles, but a hundred times cooler.

I’d never heard of them before, and even after Googling, there doesn’t seem to be many people talking about Horri-Ballz online. This is a sign that we as a society have failed. These are terrific toys, and if you can stomach six minutes of me doing nothing, this video explains why:

Huge thanks to DJ D for saving my season with a fuzzy blue death monster. Be sure to check out his radio show, Dark Entries. Especially if you like music that could potentially score a protracted murder scene.

5 Halloween Things!

Halloween is fast approaching, and I have so much wonderful stuff left to cover. This post aims to decrease the number of bullets on my Must-Write-About list by five. I’ll feel better about the world when it’s done.

SpongeBob Plastic Cup with Straw: I could not have fewer uses for this, but for two bucks, who could pass up a pumpkin-themed SpongeBob head? I am mortal, not god.

Of course, now that I actually sit here and look at the thing, it’s obviously just a repainted regular SpongeBob head. It’s the normal mold, with not even a modified tooth to tell you that this is a special edition SpongeBob who serves Satan.

Don’t care. Still love it. It’s orange, but more specifically, it’s the best kind of “Halloween orange.”

Halloween orange knows many shades, from bright neon to dim and earthy. This one is smack in the middle. Like a wad of perfect cheddar, from a cheesemaker who really took pride in it.

EDIT: I’m a fool. There are defined “pumpkin lines” all over SpongeBob’s head. So this really was a custom mold. Now he’s triple great. Read More…

McDonald’s Scooby-Doo Halloween Pails!

For the third year in a row, McDonald’s brought back the ol’ trick-or-treat pails. Think of them as the spiritual successors to the “McBoo” pails of the ‘80s. What they lack in charm, they make up for in sooo many stickers!

2012’s pails have a Scooby-Doo theme. This surprised me. I was unaware of any recent Scooby-Doo exploits that could possibly warrant co-branded buckets stuffed with greasy food. What has this dog been up to?

Hmm. Looks like it came with a coupon for the Big Top Scooby-Doo DVD. I guess that’s it? Must be.

I never heard of that movie until now. If Wikipedia can be believed, there’s a very good reason to see it: Mindy Cohn supplies the voice of Velma. Why didn’t I know this? You’ll probably remember her as Natalie Green, but let’s not forget Mindy’s legendary spot on Celebrity Ghost Stories, where she battled against Pasadena’s trickiest dead kid. I love Mindy Cohn.

There are three different pails available, but at different times. You’re supposed to eat at McDonald’s all through October if you want a shot at a full collection.

Fortunately, I got the one I wanted most, right off the bat. The white one, with the ten decapitated Scooby-Doo heads on it. It called to me. Read More…

Haunted Quaker Oats Castle.

Guys. I turned a can of Quaker Oats into a haunted castle.

I don’t know what inspired me to do this. Maybe I stole the idea from someone else. If I remember who, I will seek out and thank that person profusely. Turning an oatmeal container into Halloween art just completely made my night. My Friday night, for those keeping score. I wish being a loser paid better.

I didn’t use anything special. Just some construction paper, markers, and an old pair of scissors that made noises like a dying rat upon every cut.

Dying rats do not make fun noises. Like strings from the Psycho theme mixed with someone throwing up. Read More…

Halloween Lunchables YES!

I can’t believe it. It’s finally happened. It’s taken years, but it’s finally happened.

We got ‘em, folks. We got Halloween Lunchables.

You have NO IDEA how long I’ve waited for this.

This is my tenth year doing the Halloween Countdown, and during almost every prior edition, I looked for this. Exactly this. It just seemed like such an obvious thing to do, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why Lunchables wasn’t doing it. It drove me CRAZY.

Every October, I dug through the Lunchables section of every supermarket I could find, hoping and praying for something orange. The cheese didn’t count, for it was always too yellow. Until now, every search was a bust. A horrible bust.

Still, I knew it would happen, someday. It had to. It was fate, it was destiny, and it was a chance to get extra mileage from those special Oreos with the spooky creme.

Oh yes — the wait is over. HALLOWEEN LUNCHABLES are here. Call your friends, call your relatives, call anyone who likes turkey in the shape and scale of Oxy pads.

I’m not sure if there are other versions of Halloween Lunchables out there. I could only find this one. The turkey & cheese “cracker stackers” one. You know, “the classic.” They made the right choice, but I still hold out hope that King Lunchable will do the same for one of his make-your-own pizza kits. BECAUSE I NEED TO ARRANGE THAT MOZZARELLA IN THE SHAPE OF A GHOST.

Good, I was right. Capped words make plain statements read like jokes.  I’M SITTING AT MY DESK.

The wrapper art is just fantastic. It’s full of Halloween symbols (even pitchforks that could be easily mistaken for candelabras), and it’s all presented in a choiiiiice shade of jade green. They want you to think “slime,” but nuh uh. I know jade when I see it. And I always love it when I do. Read More…

Vlog: “Big Frank” Talking Monster Pal!

Hey: The Creepy Commercials Countdown has been updated with Slimer and a three-eyed ghost.

Today’s vlog is about Big Frank, “the talking monster pal kids love to fix!” Made by Playskool in 1992, Big Frank dresses like an inmate and has a bunch of tools hidden in his head.

The video is barely coherent. I wonder why?

The big mystery: What could’ve compelled Playskool to make Big Frank? It’s not like Frankenstein’s Monster was the in-thing back in the early ‘90s. Don’t take that as a complaint, as I think we’re all very fortunate that a Frankenstein doll with a screwdriver in its head exists. Read More…