Dinosaur Dracula!

Dino Drac’s April 2016 Funpack is here!

I guess Saturday night is a stupid time for a product launch, but whatever, I’ll live. Dino Drac’s April 2016 Funpack is here!

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(AVAILABLE IN THE UNITED STATES ONLY!)

You all know the drill by now, right? I sell monthly Funpacks. Without them, there’d be no Dino Drac. Subscriptions cost $25 a month (including shipping), and you can cancel at any time without penalty.

For as long as you stay subscribed, you’ll keep getting Funpacks… and you’ll also help keep the site loaded with silly articles about toys and junk food! A win/win?

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The April 2016 Funpack might be the strangest yet. At the very least, it’s the most eclectic! Each box is stuffed with over thirteen wildly different items — most vintage, some new, all fabulous.

Skip to the bottom of this post for info on how to start your subscription, or keep reading to see all of this month’s goodies! Read More…

Five Retro TV Commercials, Part 5!

Today: Another batch of retro TV commercials!

Like the five featured last time, these were all pulled from Batman: The Animated Series episodes that aired back in ‘93. For maximum effect, picture eight minutes’ worth of oddly touching Clayface moments between each one.

Terminator 2 Action Figures! (1993)

Since I’ve expressed my fondness for Kenner’s Terminator 2 line many times before, I’ll instead seize the opportunity to champion this particular commercial’s production values.

For one thing, they built a whole goddamn city to display the toys within. It looks like someone recreated Darkman out of model train paraphernalia.

While I don’t doubt that the set was simply repurposed from some older toy commercial, Kenner was terrific when it came to this stuff. Hell, even back in the vintage Star Wars days, they always made sure to put their Hoth vehicles over fake snow, and their Endor vehicles over piles of leaves.

And then there’s the script. I love hearing toy commercial kids narrate their adventures, but it’s especially endearing when one of them tries to do an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.

To me, this is the best way to promote action figures. Show us what they can do, but stick ‘em in an environment that makes us forget the sad reality of our own off-brand carpets. Read More…

Doritos 3D’s STILL EXIST.

Get ready to have your minds blown: Doritos 3D’s still exist.

No, I’m not talking about those Jacked 3D things. I mean the really real deal versions. The ones that look like pregnant Bugles.

THESE:

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But hold on. There’s a catch. To the best of my knowledge, Doritos 3D’s are only being produced in Mexico. Home of the foghorn.

Fortunately, a small pool of southwestern eBay sellers caught wind of the nostalgia, and now regularly import them. They’re selling them at a premium, of course, but nothing terribly major. (The snack sized bags are around three bucks each on eBay. That’s a lot for chips, but still way cheaper than trips to Mexico.) Read More…

Ssseven Sssensational Sssnakes.

Tonight’s article is about ssseven sssensational sssnakes.

Specifically, monster snakes from all walks of pop culture, and by that I don’t just mean “very large snakes.” (You won’t find the Basilisk on this list.) I was more interested in unearthing creatures that were predominantly snakes but still only kinda sorta snakes. Make sssense?

Enjoy the ssshow. Don’t worry, the “sss” gimmick ends here.

Cobra Commander!
G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

If you’ve never seen G.I. Joe: The Movie, yes, that really is Cobra Commander. The film featured a major tonal shift from the regular cartoon series, existing as a weird sci-fi/horror/action hybrid that raised plenty of eyebrows in its day. It was too much of a departure for many fans, but I loved it.

In the movie, we learn that Cobra Commander was actually working at the behest of his freaky Cobra-La bosses, who believe that he dropped the ball on their extremely protracted global takeover plot. As punishment, he’s exposed to yucky spores that cause disturbing mutations.

Now rapidly transforming into a literal snake, Cobra Commander forms an unlikely partnership with the heroic Roadblock. G.I. Joe: The Movie has many killer scenes, but perhaps none so memorable as Cobra Commander griping over his fading humanity to a temporarily blind Roadblock. “I wassss once a maaaan!”

Near the end of the film, Cobra Commander atones for his past sins by helping the Joes in a critical moment. Course, his redemption was a tad bittersweet, since by that point he’d completely turned into a snake and was almost certainly better off dead. Pretty heavy stuff for G.I. Joe! Read More…

The Angriest Whopper is awesome and red.

Burger King’s Angriest Whopper is like a surprise hit of Halloween during springtime.

They’re not advertising it this way, but it’s obviously a “sister burger” to the legendary (and infamous) Halloween Whopper. I love Burger King’s increasing obsession with dyeing bread, and I cannot mean that more sincerely.

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Note how they used tilted pepper graphics to create a character out of the wrapper. It’s no big leap to imagine this subtle demon as an all-out mascot, with fries for teeth and a body made of flames. You’ve heard of Lucifer? This can be Juicyfer. Read More…