I’m taking a day off from Halloweening, because this just can’t wait.
Three words, everyone.
SUPER. MARIO. SOUP.
New from Campbell’s, Mario and friends have finally been immortalized as broth-soaked pieces of pasta. I heard the news on Tumblr a week or so ago, but it was quickly forgotten under the weight of so many Space Jam GIFs.
As such, spotting Mario in the supermarket was an absolute shock. Not only did I buy a more-than-reasonable number of cans, but I threw each of those cans into my cart with such frantic hysteria that I’m sure – absolutely sure – that someone taped me on their phone, and is now enjoying back-pats within some distant microcosm of social media. Fuck all of them.
There are multiple label styles (I found two), each starring a different set of characters. Smartly, Campbell’s put Bowser and the Piranha Plant on separate labels, very accurately predicting that we’d be unable to resist buying both. There’s no way to choose between Bowser and the Piranha Plant without being at least a little bit wrong.
Okay, so the soup. Campbell’s apparently felt that a succinct title was trouble, so I can only describe it as they do: It’s Super Mario “Clever Shapes” Shaped Pasta with Chicken in Chicken Broth. If you say it three times and with the right attitude, it sounds like part of a Salt-n-Pepa song.
To prepare SUPER MARIO SOUP, it’s the usual Campbell’s scenario. Toss the soup in a pot, add an additional can’s worth of water, and heat everything until the congealed parts melt away. The result is something that looks, smells and tastes like I’m in the second grade and home with the flu.
Not kidding. Have you had Campbell’s chicken soup lately? Until today, I hadn’t. If it’s okay to say that things can “taste nostalgic,” this soup does. With or without Super Mario shapes, I’ve found my new go-to drug for whenever a situation calls for complete and total regression.
The shapes are great. There are six different Mario-related things swimming in those cans, ranging from disembodied Mario heads to Goombas that look like Metroids.
Honestly, the whole spread is an inkblot test in pasta form. Like, that green shell is obviously a cosmic volleyball. What do you see, my friends?
Ah, this soup. I’m glad I got to experience it, but I’m even gladder that I had the foresight to stash a can away. Eventually, it will expire and feel more at home in my box of ancient canned foods. Which I really do have.
Say hi to Spidey, Super Mario. In pasta years, he’s gotta be 300 by now.
Where can you find this wonderful soup? Wherever wonderful soups are sold!