Dinosaur Dracula!
  • 2016’s Hottest Holiday Junk Food, Part 2!

    Christmas is a little over a week away. I’m horrified. Counting Halloween’s early burn, I’ve spent nearly five months using holiday nonsense to spackle every crack in my heart — “spackle every crack in my heart” of course being an unused lyric from the back pages of Whites

  • 2016’s Hottest Holiday Junk Food, Part 1!

    The Christmas/holiday season never beats Halloween on the candy front, but you still get plenty of reasons to jump for junk food joy and gain forty pounds. Judging by what I’ve seen so far, the 2016 season brings an unusually robust assortment, with all manner of chips and chocolates com

  • 2016’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 3!

    I’ll say one thing about this year’s crop of Halloween junk food: It sure is big. Sooo many brands are only now taking their first swings at Halloween or autumnal releases, and good luck trying to sample it all by October 31st. The 2016 season hasn’t had many shout-from-the-rooftop s

  • 2016’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 2!

    Get set for another batch of 2016’s best Halloween junk food! (…with the same asterisk that we had last time. When I say “best,” I just mean “most interesting.” Sometimes, pretty things taste pretty bad!) Butterfinger Peanut Butter Skulls! These are terrific! I’m not sure

  • Halloween Garlic Doritos?! They’re real!

    Many countries have their own exclusive Halloween snacks, and if they’re especially good, the rest of the world can only seethe and stew over their geographical plights. Or if you’re like me, you just spend a fortune on international shipping for weird Doritos. Below are three of Jap

  • Chocolate S’cream Twinkies!

    Hot take: Hostess has quietly become the most dependable snack company of the Halloween season. Sorry, everyone else! The proof is in the literal pudding: THOSE BOXES, THO. They look like cheap backdrops for public access horror hosts, and I mean that in the best way. What’s really ende

  • 2016’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 1!

    Behold, some of 2016’s best Halloween junk food! (Well, I don’t always mean “best.” Sometimes just “noteworthy.” I hope you can forgive me this trespass. “2016’s Most Noteworthy Halloween Junk Food” just sounded so clunky.) This will be a multipart series, because my #1

  • The Official Ghostbusters Burger?!

    I’d never heard of Wayback Burgers before last night, when a pal on Twitter told me that I had to locate one and travel there and eat things and take pictures and basically throw caution to the wind with respect to every other facet of my life except THIS one. And he was right. Today

  • Halloween Frosted Flakes, Yes!

    Now more than ever, junk food is the lifeblood of the Halloween season. It’s how people like me stay motivated for two months straight. I don’t mean the act of eating junk food, mind you. That’s cool and all, but I’m talking about hunting it. Every year brings a new batch of Hallow

  • Stay Puft Marshmallow Twinkies!

    Even with its 80 trailers and 500 TV spots, excitement for the Ghostbusters reboot is being fueled as much by junk food. From Ecto Cooler to misshapen marshmallows to Key Lime Slime Twinkies, I can only hope that I have half as much fun watching the movie as I’ve had eating it. …an

  • Junk Food of the Gods, Part 5!

    It’s been four months since the last edition of Junk Food of the Gods, which means that I’ve missed the chance to immortalize so many limited edition snacks. I’m genuinely angry about this. I want to scream. All I can do is pick up where I left off. Down below: More junk food. Extra

  • ECTO COOLER RETURNS!

    A few hours ago, I heard a too-gentle knock on the front door. It was the FedEx guy, looking to make a delivery without any pesky conversation. That’s my kind of FedEx guy. Yes. It has arrived. ECTO COOLER. Last week, someone from Coca-Cola’s PR firm blessed me with the email to end al

  • Campfire’s Ghostbusters Marshmallows!

    What a ridiculously great time to be a Ghostbusters fan. Even aside from the new movie, the toys are starting to trickle into stores, and they’re all such must-buys that I’m already testing out shit faces in response to May’s AmEx bill. Then there’s Ecto Cooler’s return, now conf

  • Doritos 3D’s STILL EXIST.

    Get ready to have your minds blown: Doritos 3D’s still exist. No, I’m not talking about those Jacked 3D things. I mean the really real deal versions. The ones that look like pregnant Bugles. THESE: But hold on. There’s a catch. To the best of my knowledge, Doritos 3D’s are only

  • The Angriest Whopper is awesome and red.

    Burger King’s Angriest Whopper is like a surprise hit of Halloween during springtime. They’re not advertising it this way, but it’s obviously a “sister burger” to the legendary (and infamous) Halloween Whopper. I love Burger King’s increasing obsession with dyeing bread, and I

  • Ghostbusters Twinkies w/ Key Lime Slime Filling!

    It is my honor and privilege to present you with the internet’s very first hands-on review of Hostess’s GHOSTBUSTERS TWINKIES. Yes, my idea of a hot exclusive is screwy. Before anyone gets too excited, these aren’t in stores just yet, and may not be until much closer to the film’s

  • Junk Food of the Gods, Part 4!

    The Junk Food of the Gods series was last seen in July, before taking an extended break for the holidays. Now it’s back and it’s tanned and it can handle anything you want to throw at it. Below: Five of the most interesting junk foods currently on the market. Most of them will only

  • Crystal Pepsi is BACK, baby!

    I have a bottle of Crystal Pepsi! And it only cost as much as dinner for two! I can’t imagine that many of you missed the news, but yes, Pepsi — inspired by an online campaign spearheaded by competitive eater L.A. Beast — has dusted off perhaps its most famously infamous soft

  • 2015’s Best Holiday Junk Food, Part 3!

    I’m back with another batch of this year’s hottest holiday junk food. If you missed the previous reasons to look like Santa, click here and here. Cracker Jack Holiday Sugar Cookie Popcorn! It took me over a month to find a bag, but it was worth the wait. I’m not a big Cracker Jack gu

  • 2015’s Best Holiday Junk Food, Part 2!

    Here's another batch of 2015's best holiday junk food, including Cheetos Sweetos, Snickers Trees and more good reasons to throw nutritional caution to the wind!

  • 2015’s Best Holiday Junk Food, Part 1!

    The holiday season is here! If you don’t believe me, just stroll down the nearest junk food aisle. Everything either tastes like peppermint or is shaped like a bell. I love it. Below are five of my favorite holiday junk foods for the 2015 season. Or maybe they’re just the first five th

  • Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy MASKS!

    You may not be able to eat the cereal this year, but Frute Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy have indeed returned! In mask form, at least! Hey, it's something, and they glow in the dark, too!

  • 2015’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 2!

    Here's another batch of 2015's best Halloween junk food, including Halloween Crunch, Starburst Halloween Mix, pumpkin spice chewing gum and more! None of this is healthy, but it sure is fun to look at.

  • An ode to Pumpkin Spice Quaker Oatmeal.

    Okay guys, sometimes I lose my mind and write really odd things. Please forgive me for this giant poem about Quaker's limited edition Pumpkin Spice Oatmeal. Inspiration hits where it hits, y'know?

  • This Monster Cereals Castle is amazing.

    General Mills never disappoints during the Halloween season. This year, you can cut up your Monster Cereal boxes to build a huge haunted castle, with little figures and everything! Unbelievably cool, and one of 2015's best spooky promos.