Now more than ever, junk food is the lifeblood of the Halloween season. It’s how people like me stay motivated for two months straight.
I don’t mean the act of eating junk food, mind you. That’s cool and all, but I’m talking about hunting it. Every year brings a new batch of Halloween foods, and every year, people like me make tracking ’em down the official “game” of the season. Basically, it’s Halloween GO.
The boo-tiful byproducts are the many associated adventures. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve driven to towns or cities I’d never visited prior, all because someone on social media told me about something dyed orange or shaped like a bat. The food gives me focus, but what I really love is the excuse to turn each day into a scavenger hunt. It’s the journey, baby.
…so when I show you these Halloween Frosted Flakes, I get that you might be thinking, “no big deal.” Maybe it’s not so big to you, but after driving to six department stores and finally finding one single box at what could only be termed The Most Last Resorty of Last Resort Walmarts, this was huge for me.
I mean, I didn’t start singing Mad About You to Tony the Tiger right there in stupid Walmart for non sequitur purposes.
This is one of three similarly-styled kiddie cereals out from Kellogg’s this year, but since the Apple Jacks and Froot Loops are merely returning players, I’m gonna focus on the Frosted Flakes. The hot new Halloween Frosted Flakes.
It’s a decisive win from the start. Notice how Tony is oblivious to the fact that he’s trapped in a parallel dimension, one where night is forever and all of the street signs just say things about marshmallows. Rolling with the punches is grrrreat.
As if skeleton marshmallows weren’t enough, Kellogg’s saw fit to dip the Frosted Flakes into chocolate, leaving them more seasonally appropriate in everything from color to flavor.
I love how the color is so wildly inconsistent, leaving each bowl looking like a pile of rotting leaves, or perhaps the floor level of someone’s homemade Department 56 display.
I’d originally pegged the flavor as new-for-2016, but that’s untrue. For example, Jay reminded me that Kellogg’s has been producing Choco Zucaritas — a near-identical variety that was originally conceived for Hispanic markets — for years. It’s a good thing I talk about cereal in my free time, otherwise I’d have a different type of breakfast all over my face.
This stuff is dangerously good. I’ll warn you to portion it out, lest you gain 19.7 ounces in just over three minutes. The chocolate flavor is somewhere between hot cocoa and a Hershey’s bar, while the chalky marshmallows are a welcomed respite from the otherwise constant barrage of chocolate Chocolate CHOCOLATE.
The skeleton marshmallow gimmick is a repeat of last year’s, but when there’s nowhere to go but down, why move?
Mixed with the flakes are assorted marshmallow bones, which kids and old bloggers can build skeletons out of. It’s harder to do with milk in play, which is one of the thousand reasons why I consider milk a banned substance.
(And you don’t have to stick with human skeletons, either. One of my creations had four heads, one arm, and then stacks of additional heads for legs. Four-headed one-armed head-legged monsters are awesome enough, but in skeletal form? Wow. Scanners GIF territory.)
Halloween Frosted Flakes (aka Frosted Flakes Chocolate with Marshmallows — a pretty cumbersome title for a company like Kellogg) is a fine addition to the 2016 season. I encourage everyone to buy enough boxes to build forts out of.
It’s part of a balanced breakfast, which IIRC would also include an apple and the world’s most hastily prepared Bloody Mary. And you have to eat it outside, where there are bugs.
Have fun hunting. I sure did.
PS: Were you aware that Dino Drac now has a section that only updates after midnight? It does! Tonight, instead of sleeping, spend some time at Dino Drac After Dark!