You’re going to the movies!

Tonight, you’re going to the movies! Whether you want to or not!

As if by some unseen force, you are escorted to Dinosaur Dracula’s Superstar Theater.

While waiting for your turn at the ticket counter, you realize that this is no ordinary theater. Mingling with your fellow humans are all sorts of monsters and dinosaurs!

Apprehensive as you may be, there is no denying the hand fate has dealt you. You purchase your ticket and head inside…

The first order of business is to choose your snacks and soda. Running the snack counter is Dinosaur Dracula himself, who’s traded his usual gruff demeanor in for a style more obsequious. Obviously, Dinosaur Dracula has his sights set on a full tip jar.

You spend way too much time picking your snacks. Everyone knows that you’re supposed to get popcorn and Twizzlers. That is the ultimate combo.

After buying junk and juice, it occurs to you that there are still many minutes left before showtime. You decide to check out the theater’s adorably unkempt arcade.

There you spot a five dollar bill on the thinly carpeted floor. You take it. Now those Twizzlers were free!

With the one quarter you have, you play Moon Patrol. It isn’t your first choice, but the better games have all been monopolized by small robots and dinosaurs.

It’s different from the version you remember. Made by the Classic Games Arcade, this weird spin on Moon Patrol features lots of strange rave music. You’re not sure you like it, but it does get your toes tapping.

It’s finally time for your movie! As you walk into the theater, the previews are already playing.

You notice that your fellow moviegoers are all wearing strange costumes. Since it isn’t Halloween, this can only mean that you bought a ticket for some oddball “cult” movie!

Indeed you did! Tonight’s movie is 1977’s KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS. It’s about William Shatner fighting against hordes of killer tarantulas!

What an interesting flick! You’ll never forget the part where that poor lady shoots off her own hand. And oh man, the ending! You never saw it coming!

When it’s time to leave Dinosaur Dracula’s Superstar Theater, you’re careful to avoid the swarm of giant bees flying near the exit. They seem friendly, but why take chances?

A mysterious masked man asks if you’d like to see the “treasure in his trunk.” There are many bad ways to take that, so you politely decline. Still, a part of you will always wonder.

After a quick stop for an enormous coffee, you’re finally home. You visit Dinosaur Dracula Dot Com and spend the rest of the evening in the comments thread, bitching about the movie. Or you just confabulate about whatever you feel like confabulating about. You make a mental note to use the word “confabulate” more often. It’s neat.

You go to sleep with a smile. Then you dream about what might have been in the masked man’s trunk. Puppies? Gold? A portal to a pocket dimension where everything floats and people speak only in numbers?

You had a good night.