An ode to Pumpkin Spice Quaker Oatmeal.

After all my years of blogging,
I’ve learned a thing or two.

Like how stories about oatmeal…
Won’t mean much to you.

a

Before I even started writing,
The bloom was off the rose.

So whatever, fine, fuck it.
I’ll do it in rhymed prose.

1

It’s Pumpkin Spice flavored oatmeal,
A hot new thing from Quaker.

All I’ll need is some warm water…
And I’ll feel like I’m a baker.

2

So is it “Pumpkin Spice” or Pumpkin and Spice?
I’m not completely certain.

Methinks the copy editor hit the sauce…
When he was supposed to just be workin’.

3

Inspecting the oatmeal while it was dry,
It looked a bit like cedar bedding.

If eating this junk doesn’t work out?
To Petco I’ll be heading.

5

Prepared as directed, the oatmeal was done.
It appeared too much like stucco.

If you were hoping for some orange-dyed circus…
Sorry, you’re out of luck-o.

4

It tasted good, it tasted grand!
But still the meal lacked something.

I needed to kick this up a notch,
To feel better about munching.

10

Quaker Oatmeal with Dinosaur Eggs!
Now that would do the trick.

Pumpkin spice stegosauruses?
The new definition of “slick!”

6

I stole the eggs from the second oatmeal,
And then set them on a plate.

It was almost time to make weird magic!
I could hardly stand the wait.

7

At first they looked like grubs in grass,
And that wasn’t very pleasant.

The dissolution felt like weeks!
But it was really just one second.

8

With the aid of neon dinosaurs,
My oatmeal became so much more.

“The best breakfast on the planet!”
Of this I was 60% sure.

9

Served with orange and tomato juices,
Plus a pumpkin for decor!

Can’t believe what I spent on this picture.
They better love me at the store.

12

Mutant oatmeal under the bluest skies!
Not something I’d soon forget.

But writing a poem about the experience?
That… I might regret.