Vintage Vending #7: Gemstones!
Vintage Vending continues, with ROCKS. This is not going to be my most popular review.
I ain’t gonna front. I love this. I love, love, love this. Polished stones always thrill me, even when they’re presented as tacky jewelry. I would’ve been all over these prizes as a kid, and probably still now.
I’m immediately struck by how high-end they are, at least in comparison to most other vending machine prizes. I could see any of these things in a museum gift shop, and I’d expect to pay more than five bucks for some of them. That would be too much, but I don’t have a say in their prices.
With the known prizes being so good, there must’ve been a hundred unseen duds hiding in the machine. Of course, this does raise the question of what could be lower on the gemstone totem pole than a half-inch flawed quartz wrapped in a five-cent bead cap. I don’t have answers.
Viewed from just the right angle, the teaser card looks like a raceway, filled with speeding rocks that leave trails of metal and string in their collective wake. But good luck finding that angle.
The brunt of the prizes are “single rock” necklaces, but the real chasers are those little jars of tiny-sized stones. The fact that I own four of them makes me feel like a very rich man. They look expensive, and if I ever buy a hamster and want to insist that he collects rocks, I’ll put one in his tank.
They must’ve been impossible to get. I could imagine certain stores selling those for eight bucks a pop. This was a fifty-cent machine, but you’d still be ahead even if it took ten tries. At least, that would be your argument when pitching to The Nearest Person With Quarters. Only a fool wouldn’t invest.
In a quiet way, these may be my favorite prizes of the Vintage Vending series so far. I’m a sucker for shiny rocks, what with their gleam, and their ability to turn positive energy into physical results. I award these gemstones 9 out of 10 funny items.
Also, there’s a new feature up today. Go check it out!
Loved gemstones, around one’s neck, or even better in one of those pencils that was bought in the museum gift shop.
Those necklaces must have been a bargain at 50 cents a pop. Even in 1992 that was a better thing from a vending machine than a manufactured friendship bracelet. Those were always great with a pair of cutoffs, a tie dye t-shirt, and a pair of Keds.
I’m with you. I loved rocks as a kid and still think they’re pretty cool. I still have a bunch somewhere that I bought at Natural Wonders back in the day.
Lol, I too would have gladly spent all the quarters I had access to on these treasures.
my love for rocks is so great that I managed to rub it off on my son. For his 8th birthday he asked for a rock tumbler, getting to use it was probably just as exciting to me as it was to him. 
Matt, you could not pander to my geologist heart more.
Though now I’m going to be that person – I’m pretty sure most of these are minerals, not rocks
In case you were wondering about IDing – I can’t really tell just by looking, but I’d wager a guess to say that the white ones are probably quartz. The purple one is probably amethyst, which is – you guessed it – another form of quartz. And it looks like the brownish lined ones (the one under the amethyst in the second photo) is probably tiger’s eye, which is a actually a rock and a combination of our good friend quartz and fibrous minerals.
Everyone is obsessed with shiny stuff.. hey what’s that over there!
@Elyse: I can’t help it. To me every rock-thing is a rock. Thanks for ID’ing!
Very nice! I remember loving polished rocks as a kid because I was positive they were priceless. Regardless if I got it out of a vending machine for 50 cents.
In other news, rock polishing machines for kids are the most noisy and annoying toy ever invented.
Lol, Bill, I bought a nicer *grownup* rock polisher after talking to a few people who had a kids polisher. Apparently they are hated nationwide.
Those little jars they…rock. Sorry.
I, personally, have spent an embarrassing amount on wire wrapped gem necklaces at trade shows. Among other ridiculous purchases.
I used to have a tiger eye one, and a pink quartz crystal on a sterling silver chain…those were THE accessory in 7th grade they were pointy on each end picture that shape but vertical….
I like rocks and gems, too. I think it comes from my grandfather, who was a collector and amateur jeweler. I have fond memories of looking through all his little boxes of “treasures,” as he called them, and then looking up each one in this photo book he had to learn what kind of rock it was. Bloodstone is my favorite.
I’d be going for that amethyst, it’s my birth stone and back in the day I wanted all my jewelry to be amethyst.
I was obsessed with my tigers eye necklace. I always felt like it held power when I was kid. Frequently i would use it as my pretend morpher-to transform into various super beings… like power rangers, except I would get cooler powers.
I thought this was some Hot Wheels rip off vend. They really do look like racetracks.
I wasn’t one of those rock obsessed kids that was more my sister’s bag. I was more of an arrowhead and shark tooth kinda girl. Okay and books/coloring books if we’re talking museum gift shops. I was really big on books as kid.
There is something a bit funny about the way presentation can make some rocks.
Of course, I used to find “cool” ones in our driveway, so…maybe that isn’t too necessary
First Rocky Road cereal and now this? I hope this rock thing ends up being a trilogy of some kind.
Amethyst is my birthstone too, and it’s a cool word to boot. Amethyst.
My elementary school playground was filled with tiny rocks of various shapes, colors and sizes (as opposed to wood shavings or whatever else they cover playgrounds with now). I spent many recesses sifting through all the boring gray ones to find ones of unusual colors or shapes. Then I’d take them home with me and add them to my collection. Rocks are awesome.
Matt, you have a knack for making me want things I’d ordinarily have no interest in. I’ve never really been into rocks, but I’d love to have one of those jars of little rocks.
Reminds me of a box of minerals and the like my mother used to have when I was a kid. Amethyst, rose quartz, quartz, bloodstone, sea glass, and tiger eyes, my favorite. And now I really want one of those tiny bottles, but filling it with some unnaturally colored liquid sounds more appealing than rocks.
I grew up at the Jersey Shore. An interest in rocks goes hand-in-hand with living by the beach. I used to spend summer afternoon walking up and down the shoreline, looking for “Cape May Diamonds,” perfectly round quartz that the tides had worn smooth, and other pretty or unusual stones. I finally decided they belonged at the shore and left them behind when I moved to Wildwood.
Most gift shops in Cape May to this day sell similar necklaces with “Cape May Diamonds” and other locally-found rocks surrounded by metal. Of course, we got our fair share from vending machines too, including the pointy kind that Mandy Reeves mentioned. Those were really big in the early-mid 90s.
As far as I’m concerned, best review ever. Rocks are the best.
Hate to tell you this, but these “gemstones” most likely came from waste water. i.e. the left over gunk from whatever local treatment plant was nearby + a day in a cheap rock tumbler.
Still awesome in pencils though!!
starwenn – I’ve got a Cape May Diamond necklace somewhere from a trip down there as a kid. We didn’t often go anywhere south of Long Beach Island, so this must have been a ~*special trip*~ to see that and the concrete ship.
Come to think of it, I wonder how that’s holding up after Sandy?
Polished rocks! F**k yeah! Not even kidding. I used to rockhound the playground in elementary school.