The Creepy Commercials Countdown!
October 14th, 2012: “The Coca-Cola Vampire!” (1992)
This one came out in 1992 – the same year as Bram Stoker’s Dracula. That was probably no coincidence. “Dracula awareness” was enjoying one of its many peaks, and I, a just-turned-teenaged son of darkness, was way into it.
It’d take years for me to actually see the movie, but I had no problems lying about it. My older sister had seen it, and upon my father’s inquiry, stated that the film was “magnificent,” She really drew out the vowel sound, so it was more like she said “maaaaagnificent.” For some reason, that has stuck with me two full decades.
In turn, I told anyone who’d listen that Dracula was “maaaaagnificent.” At that year’s school book fair, I made a big show out of buying the novel, which I still have, and which I still have not read more than 15 pages of. I’ve been a phony all my life, and you should never believe anything I say.
Point is, Dracula had serious momentum back in the early ‘90s. It made sense for Coca-Cola to use him. Maybe not in this exact way, but still.
Remember the Schlage Security System commercial I reviewed a few days ago? Interestingly, that one and this one are like, identical twins. Another blonde bombshell sees Dracula coming through her window, and another blonde bombshell employs a really odd method of saving her life.
In the Schlage ad, a girl utilized loud sirens to scare off her vampire. In this Coke ad, a girl uses…soda?
It makes NO SENSE, but I’ll let it slide, because this is one stylish commercial. The vampire is particularly striking, looking as monstrous as I’ve ever seen Dracula look. (In the form of a human, at least. If we’re counting sexually deviant wolves or whatever the hell he was in that weird “Mina scene,” then no, this isn’t the most monstrous Dracula.)
Despite showing great fear of the Coca-Cola can, Dracula can’t help but bite into it. I don’t understand this at all. The Coke was clearly playing the role of a cross, and Dracula would never bite into a cross, unless it was in some ironic “ha ha you think a big ‘T’ can hurt me?” sort of way.
As Dracula sucks the syrup from his shiny victim, things change. The commercial switches from grayscale to color, and Dracula, who not a moment ago looked like Hell’s fiercest goblin, morphs into a stand-in for a Baldwin brother.
Then he and the girl wander off, hand in hand. So I guess the Coke made him want to be a good boyfriend instead of a murderer? Maaaaagnificent.