Dinosaur Dracula!

Madd Matt Reviews Halloween Grow Capsules.

I don’t know if I’ve led a life worth living, but someday, when there’s nothing left to lose, I’ll have a great story to tell.

FYI: Madd Matt was wrong on a few counts in this video. Technically, Leviathan isn’t from a moon of Saturn, or Jupiter. Leviathan is from Hell.

Sky Bar’s Zombie Food!

It was a dark and stormy night.

Actually, it was a clear and sunny afternoon. But it felt like night, thanks to a dark inner glow created in an ancient copy of Adobe Photoshop. And because ZOMBIES.

One of the zombies bore a striking resemblance to Michael Jackson. Too close to be a coincidence. Whether he was the real deal or a mere imitator, it stood to reason that a zombie who dressed like this would prefer to be called “Michael.”

Michael wasn’t your typical zombie. He thought differently. He ate brains, but he had one of his own, too. Michael knew that the key to zombie survival lied in peaceful coexistence with those delicious humans.

Their flesh was tasty, sure. But they had guns and tanks. Ultimately, they’d never lose the war.

“No,” Michael thought. “I must become friends with the humans.” He knew it was a long shot, and even by his own admission, “friends” just meant that he wouldn’t try to bite them. He hoped, in return, that the humans would shy away from blowing his head off.

Of course, zombies have to eat something. Attacking humans was never an act of malice. They were just trying to survive. If his plan had any chance of success, he’d need to find substitute sustenance.

“Substitute sustenance,” Michael said, repeating his thoughts aloud. “A pleasant-sounding phrase. I’ll use it in the press release.” Read More…

Dinosaur Dracula’s Halloween Art Expo!

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Guys, you didn’t let me down. I think it’s safe to say that Dinosaur Dracula’s Halloween Art Expo was a rousing success. Dozens upon dozens of you participated, with no promises of prizes, kudos or anything else. You rule, and so do your fucking bizarre works of art.

I can’t tell you how many times I gushed while going through the entries. I gushed, I laughed, and in a few cases, I might have even gotten a little misty.  Such amazing stuff, and now it’s time to share it.

I didn’t want to do anything that could be construed as “judging,” so I’m offering no additional commentary on these. As for the order they’re presented in, it’s the exact order that they were received. I strongly suggest that you don’t skip the later pages, because it just gets more and more incredible as you go along.

And hey, artists: To keep things level, I’m only providing the title of your work. (In some cases, I had to make them up.) I know that some of these have longer stories attached, so feel free to join in the discussion and explain just what in God’s name was going through your heads.

Again, you’re all awesome. I’ve been doing Dino Drac for months now, and this has made it feel so much more like home.

NOTE: There are twelve entries on each page. I’ve amassed the first 72 entries here, but I’ve already gotten several more. Will update this section when more pages are added!  If you plan to contribute, remember, you only have until Sunday at 12 PM EST.

UPDATE, 2:15 AM: Just added pages 7-8. We’re up to 96 submissions!  (Yeah, I won’t disqualify you if this ends up going over a hundred.  Actually, it already has!)

UPDATE, 1:30 PM: Okay, we’re all done. All 122 entries are up.

Off we go! Read More…

Make me some spooky art.

This weekend, I’m leaving the site’s content in your hands. Read More…

Candy Corn Oreo Cookies!

Unless you spent all of Friday completely Internet-free, you’ve heard the news. The kings and queens of Nabisco must be dancing, because the entire world has become positively drunk with glee over their latest offering:

Candy. Corn. Oreos.

Like I wasn’t going to hunt these down the second I heard about them. Still, it figures that I’d hear about them while dressed as a three-headed alien, wearing blue makeup. Even so, it just took a shower and a trip to Target to turn September 7th, 2012 into a day I will never forget. If this sounds like too much of a fuss for cookies, you’re reading the wrong website.

CANDY. CORN. OREOS. Usually, all Nabisco gives us for Halloween are those black Oreos with the orange filling. They’re fun, but dammit, I’ve been writing about them for ten years already. I needed something new.

I’m obviously the type to hum church songs over Halloween cookies, but not everyone is, and I’ve been shocked by the Internet’s united excitement about these Oreos. Seriously, everybody is talking about them. Everyone has an opinion about Candy Corn Oreo cookies. Obama could call a live press conference and spend it morphing into a giant airbreathing coelacanth, and Candy Corn Oreos would still trend ahead of it.

I can’t remember a time when I was more proud to be a citizen of Earth. Read More…