The Mausoleum of Madness, Part III!
Welcome to Dino Drac’s third annual MAUSOLEUM OF MADNESS! From now though October 31st, I’ll be posting teensy tributes to vintage valuables from Halloween’s petrifying past!
Check back every day for new updates, and get set for an eerie onslaught of everything from decorations to old advertisements to weird toys and beyond, all with a spooky slant! (You can also check out the prior Mausoleums here and here.)
#9: Haunted House Blow Mold! (1999) 🏚️
Well, here it is. My all-time favorite Halloween blow mold. The one that pushes all of my hyper-specific buttons so damn hard, no other blow mold has the slightest chance of topping it.
This is the second edition of the Union Products Haunted House blow mold, a two-foot terror designed by the late Don Featherstone. (If you don’t know Don’s history, I’ll summarize by saying that he invented pink lawn flamingos.)
The first version of the blow mold hit stores a few years prior, and had more of a classic haunted house color scheme. (Picture Psycho or The Addams Family.) You can see both versions in a reel I posted over on IG.
Many collectors prefer the original, but we’re talking about me, here – a guy with the general sensibilities of a goth, but with neon quirks that ruin the vibe. OF COURSE I’m gonna go bananas over a gloomy haunted house splattered with arbitrary color splotches that make no sense.
When it comes to vintage Halloween decorations, we can broadly divide into two types: Things that feel like Halloween decorations, and things that feel like all-year always-out decor for people with a certain spooky slant. This is definitely the latter type. The idea that I’d shove this into the attic after October? Don’t insult me!
The bad news? Neither version of the blow mold is cheap or easy to find, and that seems doubly true for this wacky paintball edition. If you find one in good shape for even $300, congratulations, because most people can’t!
#8: Rice Krispies Jack-o’-Lanterns! (1982) 🥣
This magazine advertisement, likely plucked from Woman’s Day, has long been a favorite. In fact, some of you might remember an article I wrote more than 20 years ago, where I followed that recipe to make my own Rice Krispies Jack-o’-Lantern Treats! (It went badly, as I recall.)
I love it when food ads double as recipes, and that’s especially true when it’s a recipe for something so simple, you barely even need to read the directions. Okay, so I’m forming Rice Krispies Treats into balls, and then covering them with cake frosting? Got it. Save your ten-step breakdown for Rice Krispies Meatloaf.
These Jack-o’-Lantern Treats look great, but let’s be real, they’re strictly for kids. Once you hit a certain age, you come to the sad realization that there’s indeed such a thing as too much frosting. “A cloying mess,” your inner food critic screams, probably in a sort of Frasier Crane accent.
For kids, that’s never true. Many times, I’ve seen my nieces and nephews eat the tops off cupcakes like they were Trandoshans collecting Wookiee scalps. A ball-shaped Rice Krispies Treat slathered in four tablespoons of radioactive orange sugar is for them, not me.
While you can easily make a modern day version of these, the recipe specifically called for long-discontinued Marshmallow Krispies. That cereal freakin’ ruled, too. Today’s Krispies carry the air of something you might line a hermit cage with, but brother, they put out some bangers back in the day.
#7: The Incredible EPI Devil! (1990) 😈
At the conclusion of last year’s Telco-heavy Mausoleum of Madness, I wondered if that was going to be another of my patented flash-in-the-pan interests, doomed to fizzle out as soon as the next shiny red ball bounced by.
Nope! I’ve only gotten more obsessed since then. In the many months since my last update, I’ve picked up some major pieces that could bankroll a weeklong Disney World vacation if I preferred going out and living life to staying in and looking at plastic monsters.
This is one of them. The EPI Devil, from 1990. Technically not a Telco – “EPI” was the company who released him – but so structurally similar that collectors don’t discriminate. (Hell, he even has the same exact head as Telco’s own glowing-eyed Devil, because many of these competing lines were sourcing from the same overseas factories.)
I don’t want to get into the weeds with this figure’s history, because we’ll be here forever, and you’ll absolutely peace-out before I’m done. Let’s stick with what’s important: He’s a two-foot glowing-eyed demon, dressed like a priest mixed with Hugh Hefner, wielding a skull and pitchfork.
The EPI Devil is quite rare, and these days, he reliably fetches $1500 with ease. (For the record, I did not pay that much!) He only pops up for sale a few times a year, so if a collector really wants one, there isn’t much time to haggle.
If you think that’s a lot to pay for an old, fragile Halloween decoration… well, you’re right, but I implore you to check out this video I posted of the EPI Devil in action. Tell me that isn’t the coolest, most demented thing you’ve ever seen. What a stud!
#6: Fun World Halloween Pixie! (1960s) 🎃
Halloween stuff from before I was born has historically been a blind spot, but I’ve gotten really into it this year. This Halloween Pixie is a great example of why. By the time I was paying attention to the world, Halloween was garish and neon and loud and excessive. I love that vibe, but sometimes, it’s nice to go in the complete opposite direction.
Released by Fun World in the 1960s, this is more commonly known as a “knee hugger” – a type of ornamental doll that was more famously employed during Christmastime. (You’ve likely seen many little elves posed the same way, and yes, the modern Elf on the Shelf borrowed directly from that concept.)
While the Christmas-themed knee huggers came first, many were eventually made for Halloween, in styles ranging from witches to devils to – as demonstrated here – impossibly cute pumpkin-headed scarecrows.
What makes this Halloween Pixie so special is the packaging. Knee huggers are almost never found in their original packaging, in part because most weren’t sold in any packaging to begin with. I could probably flip this guy for 4-5 times what I paid, but I won’t, because he is now family, and it’s wrong to sell family on eBay.
#5: Coors Beer Wolf Poster! (1983) 🐺
While I’ve collected some Coors Beer Wolf memorabilia in the past, I’m hardly a completist, and like to pick my spots. I’m sure that particular market is foreign to most of you, so trust me when I say, this was definitely a spot to pick!
From the lycanthropic lush’s earliest days, I believe this poster would’ve hung in supermarkets and liquor stores. (The bottom, not shown in my photo, is a blank white space where stores would’ve added their six-pack prices.)
Beer Wolf was not exclusively a Halloween thing, but this poster clearly was. We’ve got Wolfie partying with four lovely ladies, all in costumes. It’s long been rumored that the gothic purple background was a chief inspiration for Mortal Kombat II. Okay, maybe it hasn’t.
In my many years of hunting Beer Wolf bric-a-brac, I’ve seen this poster exactly once. Buying it was a no-brainer. Eventually framing it is also a no-brainer. Sitting in front of it nightly to center myself like it’s a Buddha statue… maybe less of a no-brainer, but I’m gonna do it anyway.
#4: Baskin-Robbins Cake! (1980s) 🎂
This is a little card that would’ve hung in Baskin-Robbins in the early ‘80s, advertising the most bomb-ass Halloween ice cream cake you could ever hope to see. It’s so unique and strange, I can’t believe that more than one of that cake existed, let alone thousands.
The crude details include a black cat being attacked by bats, and also possibly eating one? The ominous “meooo” trails off with a hyphen, indicating that neither the meow nor the story was complete.
I remember a scene from Six Feet Under where they criticized someone’s art for being “too finite.” Well, you know what’s not finite? A cat who isn’t done saying “meow,” and a trio of bats plotting to avenge their fallen fourth brother. What I’m saying is, this is art!
Genuinely, I love everything about this cake. The cat, the bats, the 1970s motel color scheme, all of it. Just looking at this makes me feel better about the world.
#3: McDonald’s Pumpkin Rings! (1980s) 🎃
These hard plastic jack-o’-lantern rings were given away at McDonald’s in the very early ‘80s, when I was practically still a baby. I have no childhood nostalgia for them, but that’s only something I’d ever admit here. On social media, the plan is to act like they’re a core memory that helped shape me as a person.
I’d seen them on eBay a hundred times over the years, and then was lucky enough to score this huge pile just a few months ago. I was expecting the rings to be a whole lot smaller, and made of that cheap, softer plastic. Nah dawg, they are fierce. The pumpkins are almost twice as wide as my fingers, and you don’t have to squint to notice the McD’s arches gracing their stems.
You can tell they’re old from the mean look on their faces. Somewhere along the way, someone decided that all kid-targeted jack-o’-lanterns needed to appear friendly, goofy, or some combination of both. I miss the era when we just let them be little evil sonsabitches.
#2: Halloween Treat Erasers! (1980s) ✏️
I’d seen these erasers many times before, but never packaged, and certainly never pitched as candy replacements for trick-or-treaters!
I could see that going either way. As a longtime proponent of getting a few non-candy treats in my pillowcase, I would’ve been thrilled if someone tossed a Count Chocula eraser in there. On the other hand, I don’t think many kids would’ve found merit in an eraser shaped like a Goodyear tire. Was that the ‘80s version of “I got a rock?”
It’s a beautiful set, filled with cereal mascots, branded bottle caps, and the Kool-Aid Man. I do wonder if a single one of these erasers was actually licensed. Conventional wisdom says “no,” but then why put a company name to your misdeed? Whatever the case, they certainly look official enough.
What can you take from this? How about being the only person on your block to distribute non-candy treats on Halloween? Pick the right thing, and you’ll stand out in a good way. I still remember the woman who gave me exactly one Godzilla puffy sticker, messily cut from a sheet in what I’d describe as a drunken trapezium shape. And that was 40 years ago!
#1: Garfield Halloween Mug! (1980s) 🐈
I can’t overstate the importance of a good Halloween mug. If you don’t have one, get one. Mugs are part of your daily routine, so this is the single easiest way to inject small-but-frequent doses of Halloweenosity into your life.
As for this Garfield mug, it’s undated, but it must’ve been released no later than 1983, which was when they started evolving his design to be more bipedal and humanoid. I have a real fondness for Garfield’s early days, when he was just a cat, and you’d get entire Sunday strips about Jon finding Garfield’s hair in his mashed potatoes. Simpler times!
You probably won’t see me talking about this mug again, but it will be my coffee vessel from now through the end of the Mausoleum. Desmond was Daniel’s constant, and I guess this old cat cup is mine.
