Dinosaur Dracula!

Sparkling Star Shape Colgate Junior!

After bringing up Aquafresh in the recent Happy Thoughts post, at least one commenter waxed nostalgic about Colgate’s ancient star-shaped toothpaste.

That’s all the excuse I needed to write this tribute, because sisters and brothers, not only do I remember Colgate’s star-shaped toothpaste… I actually still have a tube of it.


It’s a trial-sized tube, but still.

I *think* the stuff came out in the very late ‘80s. It’s officially titled “Colgate Junior Sparkling Star Shape Toothpaste,” but when toothpaste weighs in at ten syllables, it’s time for a goddamned nickname. From this point forth, we shall refer to it as “Colgate Triple S.”

Aside from a gentler flavor and more sparkly appearance, Colgate Triple S also appealed to kids because of its… ehhhhh hold on a sec.

Sorry, I’m not digging that “Triple S” nickname. Let’s call it “Colgate Starpaste” instead.

Colgate Starpaste’s shape was where the true glory lied. In theory, it was supposed to dispense in the shape of a cosmic star, which should not be confused with a non-cosmic star, like, say, the actress who played Jet Girl.

Holy shit, that was Naomi Watts?

In practice, the toothpaste wasn’t exactly star-shaped. More like piped icing-shaped. More on that in a minute. Read More…

Sprinkled Chips Ahoy Cookies!

Let me get something off my chest.

I loved Chips Ahoy cookies as a kid. So much, in fact, that I invented a new way to eat them.

I’d chew one cookie into a disgusting paste, and then spread that paste over a fresh one. The result was a Chips Ahoy cookie topped with some kind of Chips Ahoy tapenade.

I cannot tell a lie. It was delicious.

I’m only comfortable sharing this information now that there’s more than fifteen years separating me from the crime.

And that, somehow, was my introduction to this. A tribute to Sprinkled Chips Ahoy cookies.

I don’t remember exactly when they came out. “1990” seems like a safe guess. I understand that this is a “you had to be there” thing, but boy, if you were there, you totally understand why I’m semi-erect right now. These cookies were a party.

I’ll be honest. In terms of Chips Ahoy cookies no longer with us, I always preferred Striped Chips Ahoy, which were as close as we’ll ever get to a marriage between Nabisco and Keebler. Still, there’s no denying that the sprinkled versions were more joyous. Just looking at them made people happy.

The packaging was a big part of it. It was too loud, too obnoxious and too beautiful to ignore. Arriving in white bags adorned with party ribbon graphics, there was no such thing as sadness within twenty feet of Sprinkled Chips Ahoy.

As you would expect, these were just normal Chips Ahoy cookies with sprinkles on top. That sounds easy enough to replicate: Read More…

Lava Planet Predator Action Figure.

Today: A giant killer Jolly Rancher.

Released in 1994, it’s Lava Planet Predator, part of Kenner’s sprawling line of Predator, Aliens and Aliens Vs. Predator toys.

My interest in these characters hadn’t fully bloomed by mid ‘90s, but now that I’ve put in the research, wow, this was a fantastic line. Both the Xenomorphs (Aliens) and Yautja (Predators) turned up in their true-to-film looks, but there were other figures that spat in canon’s face in unbelievably great ways.

I’ll tell you more about that later. First, let us celebrate this candied Predator. Read More…

Highlights from Monster-Mania 24!

We dropped by the Monster-Mania horror convention in Cherry Hill last night. It’s still going on as I type this, so check out the official site if anything below piques your interest. And it just might.

Other responsibilities dictated that we could only spend a few hours there, which was fine, since I only go to these things to attack the vendors. I didn’t grab one autograph, nor did I even bother to find out which stars were attending. (I recall seeing The Misfits and the guy who played Chewbacca, but that’s it. Not a sentence I ever thought I’d have a reason to type.)

As mentioned in my last Monster-Mania review, I’m by no means a convention junkie. Actually, aside from this one, I don’t go anywhere near them. I have no clue about how other cons are run, but Monster-Mania has a nice, casual atmosphere that’s always worked for me. It’s not a lot of “work” to be there, if that makes sense.

I’m going to rattle off the highlights of our trip, but they pretty much all boil down to “cool shit I saw for sale.” Many would disagree, but I can’t be the only one who considers the vendors the real stars of these conventions.

The primary goal was to find things to write about later, and I accomplished that. Those things will remain unmentioned here, but man, I scored. Prices ranged from reasonable to ridiculous, but since we got there right at the start, I was able to pick off the best bargains. Stay tuned for future posts about stupid things that you do not care about! Read More…

Paas Mini-Monsters Easter Egg Kit!

Easter is approaching. As longtime readers know, it’s far from my favorite holiday, owing to everything from its hideous pastel colors to the customary dish of a “leg of lamb”– something I find so atrocious that it took me a literal minute to even type it.

But there are good things about Easter, too. Namely the eggs. Dyeing hardboiled eggs never gets old. If you disagree with that, you’re in luck, because there are kits available that let you do a heck of a lot more than just “dye” the eggs. This is one example. Perhaps the best example.

It’s a kit that allows us to turn eggs into “Mini-Monsters.” Paas didn’t hyphenate it, but I’m going to.

I can’t remember what it cost. Two bucks, maybe? For some reason, egg dyeing kits never seem to be as horribly overpriced as other holiday items. There’s only so much you can charge for a couple of dye tablets and a wire “egg dipper” that never, ever works as well as a normal spoon.

Did I have reservations? Yes! This must be Paas’s ten trillionth Easter egg kit, and having seen so many of them, I know that they’re hit-or-miss. Or is that hit-and-miss? The second one seems more commonly used, but the first one makes more sense. If you’re reading this and thinking that I sound half-asleep, your insight serves you well. It’s three o’ clock in the morning. Read More…