Dinosaur Dracula!

Lava Planet Predator Action Figure.

Today: A giant killer Jolly Rancher.

Released in 1994, it’s Lava Planet Predator, part of Kenner’s sprawling line of Predator, Aliens and Aliens Vs. Predator toys.

My interest in these characters hadn’t fully bloomed by mid ‘90s, but now that I’ve put in the research, wow, this was a fantastic line. Both the Xenomorphs (Aliens) and Yautja (Predators) turned up in their true-to-film looks, but there were other figures that spat in canon’s face in unbelievably great ways.

I’ll tell you more about that later. First, let us celebrate this candied Predator. Read More…

Highlights from Monster-Mania 24!

We dropped by the Monster-Mania horror convention in Cherry Hill last night. It’s still going on as I type this, so check out the official site if anything below piques your interest. And it just might.

Other responsibilities dictated that we could only spend a few hours there, which was fine, since I only go to these things to attack the vendors. I didn’t grab one autograph, nor did I even bother to find out which stars were attending. (I recall seeing The Misfits and the guy who played Chewbacca, but that’s it. Not a sentence I ever thought I’d have a reason to type.)

As mentioned in my last Monster-Mania review, I’m by no means a convention junkie. Actually, aside from this one, I don’t go anywhere near them. I have no clue about how other cons are run, but Monster-Mania has a nice, casual atmosphere that’s always worked for me. It’s not a lot of “work” to be there, if that makes sense.

I’m going to rattle off the highlights of our trip, but they pretty much all boil down to “cool shit I saw for sale.” Many would disagree, but I can’t be the only one who considers the vendors the real stars of these conventions.

The primary goal was to find things to write about later, and I accomplished that. Those things will remain unmentioned here, but man, I scored. Prices ranged from reasonable to ridiculous, but since we got there right at the start, I was able to pick off the best bargains. Stay tuned for future posts about stupid things that you do not care about! Read More…

Paas Mini-Monsters Easter Egg Kit!

Easter is approaching. As longtime readers know, it’s far from my favorite holiday, owing to everything from its hideous pastel colors to the customary dish of a “leg of lamb”– something I find so atrocious that it took me a literal minute to even type it.

But there are good things about Easter, too. Namely the eggs. Dyeing hardboiled eggs never gets old. If you disagree with that, you’re in luck, because there are kits available that let you do a heck of a lot more than just “dye” the eggs. This is one example. Perhaps the best example.

It’s a kit that allows us to turn eggs into “Mini-Monsters.” Paas didn’t hyphenate it, but I’m going to.

I can’t remember what it cost. Two bucks, maybe? For some reason, egg dyeing kits never seem to be as horribly overpriced as other holiday items. There’s only so much you can charge for a couple of dye tablets and a wire “egg dipper” that never, ever works as well as a normal spoon.

Did I have reservations? Yes! This must be Paas’s ten trillionth Easter egg kit, and having seen so many of them, I know that they’re hit-or-miss. Or is that hit-and-miss? The second one seems more commonly used, but the first one makes more sense. If you’re reading this and thinking that I sound half-asleep, your insight serves you well. It’s three o’ clock in the morning. Read More…

Kool-Aid Liquid Drink Mix!

I haven’t written about Kool-Aid in such a long time. It’s making me itch and scratch. Today is my remedy.

New Kool-Aid “Liquid” drink mixes are wonderfully convenient and wonderful in general. I treasure the protracted powder/sugar/water process, but the truth is, there isn’t always time for that. Sometimes, you want Kool-Aid without the associated science project. This is that chance.

Each bottle contains concentrated Kool-Aid drink mix. You know it’s concentrated because the label warns us to never drink it undiluted. I wonder what would happen if we did? Would there some Wonka-style form of retribution? Maybe we’d turn red, and our eyes would morph into upside down commas? I’ll let someone braver find out. Read More…

Happy Thoughts.

This space is reserved exclusively for happy thoughts. Here are seven of mine. What are some of yours?

Happy Thought #1: Aquafresh Toothpaste!

Aquafresh, I will keep on loving you. You amazed me as a child and you still amaze me today. You are triple-colored toothpaste and I don’t know how you exist. I’m sure I could find out, but why ruin the vision of white-clad witches casting spells over GlaxoSmithKline’s factory cauldrons?

It’s not even close to my favorite toothpaste, from a “flavor” perspective or even from a pure “clean my stupid mouth” perspective. But it’s the only one that looks like this, or at least, it’s the one most known for looking like this. I can’t turn it down. It’s art as fluoride. My teeth are a canvas. I bet that’s an Oasis lyric. Read More…

Five Great Garth Things.

Garth Algar was the best part of Wayne’s World. If you disagree with this, we have a problem.

I saw the film on opening weekend back in ’92, in a theater packed with people who could not have loved it more. It was one of my all-time favorite moviegoer experiences. Everyone just had such a blast.

Dana Carvey played Garth, and this will be the only time I mention him. Carvey did such a great job that I’ve never been able to see Garth as anything but real. He’s not Dana Carvey in a wig and glasses. He’s just Garth. Secretly the coolest mofo on the planet.

Seeing the movie again a few nights back, all of those great Garth memories came rushing back. I wouldn’t say that I wanted to be Garth, but upon reviewing my favorite bits, it’s easy to see how much he inspired me. Garth was creative, marched to his own beat, and could find immense joy in absolutely nothing. It was played for laughs, but for me, it ran deeper. I actually looked up to Garth.

Here are my five favorite “Garth things.” It’s okay if you have a different list. There were a lot of great Garth things. But if your list doesn’t include the donut creatures somewhere, get bent.

#1: Garth’s Cocktail!
“Listen man! I’m not goin’ to jail for you, or anybody!”

At the bar where Benjamin makes his sneaky pitch to buy the show, Garth orders THE BEST DRINK I HAVE EVER SEEN. Look at that thing! Some kind of Blue Curacao cocktail served in a literal punchbowl!

I have a thing for goofy and gaudy Polynesian cocktails, and this one is the end all, be all. It’s garnished with everything from a pineapple stem to a goddamned fringy foil 4th of July decoration! BEST DRINK EVER.

Note how the punchbowl portion is completely separate from the (already huge) cocktail glass, each containing liquids that can never mix. As a kid, I took this as a production goof, but looking back, it was probably intentional. They wanted this to be the most ridiculous drink possible, and they succeeded.

I generally end my drinking nights happier when I stick to beer or wine, but Garth’s cocktail set off a never-ending fascination with neon colored fruit madness. When I’m at a bar that serves drinks presented even remotely like this, I have to order them. To date, I’ve not found one as hilariously overdone as Garth’s, but that just gives me an excuse to keep trying. Read More…