Dinosaur Dracula!
Dinosaur Dracula
  • 2020’s Hottest Holiday Junk Food, Part 1!

    I’ve collected several of this year’s hottest holiday junk foods, and by “collected” I mean “ate ravenously.” One good thing about the constant barrage of bad news is that you totally get a pass for eating garbage. Cut to a shot of me holding up the latest terrible newspaper wi

  • 2020’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 4!

    This will be the final edition of 2020’s Best Halloween Junk Food, but that’s just because I’m running out of time, not candy. I’m so impressed with the volume of snacks we got this year, especially since 2020 “is what it is,” and I doubt anyone was expecting that much from it.

  • 2020’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 3!

    It’s been a great year for Halloween foodies, but in a quiet sort of way. While we haven’t gotten anything on the level of Fruity Yummy Mummy or the Halloween Whopper, there’s been an awful lot of not-awful stuff! As this edition of 2020’s Best Halloween Junk Food will demonstr

  • 2020’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 2!

    Time for the second edition of 2020’s Best Halloween Junk Food! If you missed the first one, it’s over here. Given how much the real world sucks, it’s been a surprisingly strong year for Halloween snacks. All we need is for one fast food giant to roll the dice on a spooky promotion,

  • 2020’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 1!

    It might not be fair, but every Halloween season is judged by its junk food. I gotta wonder how things will play out this year, when the world is upside-down. Like, does Burger King just say “fuck it,” or should I be waiting for them to announce a Burger from the Black Lagoon? Quantity

  • You must try Roasted Starburst!

    No, really, it’s a thing. Thousands have done it. I don’t know how I went so long without hearing about ROASTED STARBURST, but now that I have, there’s no going back. I will never eat another fruit chew without burning it first. I can’t claim credit for this tutorial. I followed th

  • 2019’s Hottest Holiday Junk Food, Part 1!

    If past Decembers are any indication, it’ll be Christmas in eight minutes. This month goes way too fast, so make sure you’re grabbing at any and every opportunity to do festive things. Even if those “festive things” only amount to eating limited edition candy bars. Here’s the

  • Pringles Friendsgiving Feast!

    For the second year in a row, Pringles released a stupid awesome Thanksgiving kit as an online exclusive. Get a load of their ridiculous Friendsgiving Feast: The kit features six different crisps, including all of the flavors necessary to create a turducken “stack.” (Hence the monstrou

  • McDonald’s 40th Anniversary Happy Meal!

    Y’all know the scoop by now. To celebrate the Happy Meal’s 40th anniversary, McDonald’s just released A TON of old school Happy Meal toys. I mean a legit ton. Check out their promo vid: People like me had been on McDonald’s case for years, wondering why they weren’t tapping i

  • 2019’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 3!

    I suppose there isn’t much value in spooky junk food reviews this late into the season, but whatever, I’m doing this one just for me. I mean, the idea of a whole Halloween Countdown slipping by without any coverage of Ghoul-Aid Popping Candy? Shit makes me sick. Sooo, here’s the thir

  • 2019’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 2!

    Okay, I’m ready to upgrade my opinion. This hasn’t just been a “pretty good year” on the Halloween junk food front. It’s become absolutely stellar. In terms of sheer volume, it’s certainly one of the better seasons of the past decade. I’m digging it, and I’m gaining doz

  • 2019’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 1!

    For a minute there, it looked like the 2019 Halloween season was going to be pretty weak on the junk food front. There were some new cool things, but not many, and people were feeling it. I don’t know why we correlate with the quality of a Halloween season with the quality of its junk

  • Pumpkin Spice SPAM Review!

    If you missed the news, Pumpkin Spice Spam is a real thing that really exists. It went on sale this past Monday, and sold out in mere hours — partially thanks to the many resellers who are now trying to flip goddamned SPAM on eBay. I set an alarm to make sure I wouldn’t miss

  • Addams Family Menu at IHOP!

    If you didn’t hear the news, IHOP just unleashed a special SPOOKY menu in celebration of the new Addams Family movie, which hits theaters on October 11th. I’m pretty sure I’ll be seeing the movie, but I was 100% sure that I’d be eating purple pancakes within 12 hours of IHOP’s an

  • I ate pancakes at the Friday the 13th diner.

    Hey, did you hear? It’s Friday the 13th. I hope you’re making the most of this holy day, whether it’s with movie marathons or masked mirror selfies. I wasn’t planning anything special for the occasion, but on a hot tip from my pal Lindsey, I ended up in Blairstown, New Jersey, wher

  • Mountain Dew VOODEW Soda Review!

    I’m pleased to announce that I’m finally ready to do the Dew. Mountain Dew VOODEW, that is! Nyuk nyuk nyuk. New for 2019, it’s a chalky white mystery flavor fronted by a faceless grim reaper in an orange cloak. I say with total sincerity that it doesn’t get any better than that. Th

  • Purple Stuff: The Upside Down Whopper!

    Yesterday, Burger King unveiled the UPSIDE DOWN WHOPPER, a special tie-in with Stranger Things. There were a few catches, of course. It was only available on June 21st, and only at eleven locations throughout the country. Fortunately, one of those locations was in Manhattan — so me

  • Stranger Things invades Baskin-Robbins!

    I’m so glad that I finally hopped on the Stranger Things bandwagon. Not only is it a great show, but it would’ve killed me to skip all of this wackadoo promo shit for its third season. First was that New Coke hoopla, and now the series has completely taken over Baskin-Robbins! It’s

  • Godzilla Burgers at Johnny Rockets!

    I’m leaving to catch Godzilla: King of the Monsters in about, oh, two hours. I have no idea if I can finish this review before showtime, but I’m gonna try, because these half-baked paragraphs about weird cheeseburgers are surprisingly time-sensitive. Yes, Godzilla has invaded Johnny Ro

  • The Purple Stuff Podcast discovers NEW COKE!

    If you didn’t hear the big news, Coca-Cola is dusting off NEW COKE as part of a special partnership with Stranger Things. (The show’s third season is set in 1985, smack in the middle of New Coke’s shaky debut.) This past Thursday, thousands of us struggled to place orders on New Coke

  • Ancient Holiday Appetizers, Part 6!

    Wellp, it’s time for my favorite Dino Drac feature. Get set for more weird holiday appetizers! As is now an annual tradition, I dug into my vast collection of ancient recipe books, searching for snacks that’ve fallen out of fashion. I’ve been doing that for longer than I’ve even ha

  • 2018’s Hottest Holiday Junk Food!

    ‘Tis the season for eating garbage and blaming the time of year, so let’s do that. Below are five of 2018’s hottest holiday junk foods. Some are new, others are just new to me. Grinch’s Green Pancakes! As soon as I heard about IHOP’s green pancakes, they were all I could thin

  • Pringles Thanksgiving Dinner!

    I was one of the lucky few who managed to snag a limited edition Pringles Thanksgiving Dinner kit. Yes, that’s a real thing that really exists. These weird ass Pringles were only available online and sold out in minutes, even despite a midnight drop. Naturally, the $15 kits then popped u

  • Burger King’s NIGHTMARE KING Burger!

    Burger King saved Halloween again: In what must be considered the sequel to 2015’s Halloween Whopper, Burger King has unleashed THE NIGHTMARE KING, a “burger” that’s more like a buffet. Pair that with their dark-as-night Scary Black Cherry Frozen Fanta, and you pretty much have to

  • Halloween Appetizer Recipes!

    You know how I bombard you with weird appetizer recipes every Christmas season? I’d like to start doing the same for Halloween. You can’t stop me. I’ve been collecting these little Halloween recipe books for longer than you’ve been alive. They’re placed near the registers in ever