Dinosaur Dracula!

Dino Drac’s January 2020 Funpack!

Well, the holidays are over, and now we’re stuck in Big Ugly January. I’m here to help combat those doldrums with one of the funnest Funpacks ever!


UNITED STATES ONLY! LIMITED SUPPLY!

The January Funpack is here! Seriously guys, you’re gonna love this one. There are over 10 items inside, but one in particular is an all-time great that I’m so thrilled to be able to share with you.

You know the deal by now, right? The Funpacks are sold on a subscription basis. It’s $25 a month (including shipping), and for as long as you remain subscribed, you’ll keep getting boxes of old-and-new treasure each and every month.

Supplies are limited, so if you want to order now, skip to the bottom of this post for info. Otherwise, keep reading to learn about everything you’ll receive in this month’s Funpack! Read More…

Conceptions of Obsessions. (Don’t worry, it’s about Ninja Turtles.)

I can’t recall how most of my obsessions started. “They just did,” I guess. I’d slowly latch onto things, and by the time passing interests became fixations, the beginnings were already foggy.

For a few of my obsessions, though, I remember the exact moments of birth. (“Conception” might be a better word, actually.) It’s usually when an obsession started off with some unlikely action — a “wrong turn” that ended up being oh so right.

Think about a movie that you’re completely gaga over, and now imagine that you only saw it because the theater was sold out of tickets for whatever you really wanted to see that day. That sort of thing.

I love it when that happens. It adds a sort of poetic air to my passions, even if they’re for dumb things like Krang or Pikachu. Below are stories about how two of my obsessions began.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

I got into the Ninja Turtles early enough, but I was far from the first kid in school to sing their praises. In fact, but for a slight twist of fate, I might’ve never hopped on the bandwagon at all.

At some point in the fourth grade — this would’ve been in ‘89, I think — I tagged along to the supermarket with my best friend, his older brother and their mother. Back then, the world really was boring enough for grocery stores to seem exciting. Besides, us kids were total addicts for a game we called “store tag.” It was like regular tag, but… you know… in a store.

After we finished chasing each other, I counted the loose change from my pocket. It was time to BUY SOMETHING. With limited funds, my options included a bag of chips, a couple of candy bars, Super Elastic Bubble Plastic, or a shiny new notebook. Read More…

Nabisco’s Suddenly S’mores, from 1990!

Let’s talk about Nabisco’s Suddenly S’mores. The magically microwaveable cookies arrived in 1989, but didn’t go national until 1990. That’s when I tried them. I was eleven years old, and junk food was the only thing that loved me back.

Suddenly S’mores arrived with fanfare. This was, after all, the first attempt in recorded history to market microwaveable s’mores. The news outlets ate it up, and so did we. Most snacks got the small print on our daily marquees, but Suddenly S’mores had BIG GIANT LETTERS.

When you watch the commercial above, do so with the knowledge that real kids reacted to Suddenly S’mores in exactly the same way. This wasn’t a case where we passively pigged out. No, we’d been personally selected by some troubled god of dark alchemy. Read More…