Just a note! Dino Drac’s Luxury Apartments is now open for business!
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Released in 1986, I must have seen Flight of the Navigator at least a hundred times. Admittedly, none of those hundred times were recent. If I get any facts wrong in this post, blame a combination of faded memories and the fact that I wrote it at 3:30 in the morning.
The synopsis, as I remember it: A sentient alien ship kidnaps a kid named David, and drops him back on Earth several years in the future. He hasn’t aged a day, leading his grateful but confused family (and everyone else) to wonder where he was and what might have happened to him. We later learn that the ship (“Max”) had good intentions, and was only helping David realize his destiny to become some kind of outer space pet collector. (That’s not quite it, but it’s close enough.)
My memories of the film are scattered but strong. Sarah Jessica Parker with a tuft of pink hair. Cherry Coke. The guy from Shock Treatment playing “Dad.” An alien that was pretty much a big pile of breathing snot. And I think some kind of robot mailman?
I realize that I’m doing a terrible job of pitching this movie, but that’s not why I’m here.
I’m here to gush about David’s toys.
NASA takes an interest in David, because he’s obviously had a funky experience deserving of their prodding. Unfortunately, at the behest of a scientist played by Howard Hesseman (!!!), NASA treats David more like a lab monkey than a special guest.
That’s neither here nor here, but now we’re getting to the point. To make David feel more comfortable (and less imprisoned) in his new NASA “apartment,” they stuffed it with everything a boy from 1986 could have possibly wanted.
See that giant spaceship doll up there? That was only the beginning! Read More…
Released in 1987, Jaws: The Revenge was the final and least-liked of the four Jaws films. And that’s a major understatement. The movie’s legendary stupidity transcended mere comparisons with the previous chapters, and it’s in fact regarded as one of the worst movies of all time.
See it once and you’ll understand why. The story is just absurd, changing Jaws from a natural predator to an almost supernatural killer. Among other feats, the shark could roar, not to mention travel from Massachusetts to the Bahamas just as fast as an airplane.
Set completely within the previous films’ universe, Jaws: The Revenge basically treats the “new” shark like it’s the same one from the original. During key moments, star Lorraine Gary has flashbacks to Roy Schneider scenes that her character wasn’t even present for.
I love the film, but I can’t be a contrarian. By any objective measure, it’s really, really bad.
Thing is, I saw it as a kid, and my critical brain wasn’t mature enough to catch (or care about) the goofs and oversights. I spent too many years loving this film to ever hate it now.
It may have set a “zero star” review record, but bad movies can be fun. Drink once whenever the shark does something a real shark never could! Drink twice whenever Lorraine Gary makes fun of her sex appeal, which for some reason happens every ten minutes!
And now, apropos of nothing, here are the five best Jaws: The Revenge items currently on eBay! Read More…
Sent from the cosmos to some dank New Jersey flea market, I’m proud to present the gorgeous mutant offspring of Mighty Max and space aliens!
The Mysteries of the Universe collection mixes the “tiny playset” appeal of Mighty Max with the “holy shit SPACE ALIENS” appeal of… I don’t know, Fire in the Sky?
The package is undated, but I’m fairly sure it’s from the mid ‘90s. (Not only would it justify the Mighty Max similarities, but that’s also around the time of Independence Day and The X-Files.)
Unless “China” is a company, I have no idea who made it. I also have no idea what to officially call the toy, unless its makers really were obnoxious enough to go with “Mysteries of the Universe – UFO and Visitors from Outer Space.” I don’t think SEO rigging applies to toy packaging. Read More…