Dinosaur Dracula!

Imperial’s Classic Movie Monsters!

If Imperial’s “Classic Movie Monsters” seem vaguely familiar… GOOD.

That’s the best way to describe them. “Vaguely familiar.” The small collection of laaaarge Universal Monsters figures arrived in 1986, and in one way or another, I’m convinced that everyone on the planet has owned at least one of them.

It’s partly because of their durability. Their paint may fade, but the figures are as hardy as bricks, and the only way they can be destroyed is if someone deliberately trashes them. This makes them pretty constant finds at yard sales, thrift stores, and Christmas fairs that have that one table of random bullshit hiding in the southwest corner.

But the main reason is that Imperial was one of those companies with tendrils that extended everywhere. You might have found these guys at a legit toy store, but you were just as likely to spot them in a pharmacy or bric-a-brac shop.

Plus, they were sold in so many different ways. The ones you’ll be seeing in this article came carded, but they were also sold “loose,” with nothing but little tags attached. For toys that very few kids actively sought, there were a billion ways to end up with them.

The thing is, their “commonness” only indicates… well, commonness. Imperial’s monster figures were gorgeous even in their crudeness, and to this day, they’re some of my favorite takes on those classic characters. Let’s take a closer look! Read More…

The Times Scare Disaster.

On Saturday night, a bunch of us went to Times Scare New York City, a restaurant slash haunted house that I’ve been spying on for years. This group also included my friends from Freddy in Space and The Sexy Armpit, so before I get too deep into the more boring parts of this review, let me apologize to them for getting everyone thrown out. Oops! More on that later!

Going in, we all knew what to expect: Tourist trap trappings with the bill to match. That was no big deal, and I don’t want to let WHAT HAPPENED LATER (!!!) spoil the good parts of our experience. If nothing else, Times Scare looked the part! Read More…

MORE Vicious Videocassette Boxes!

Continuing on with the Vicious Videocassette Boxes series, here’s Part 2! Five more dusty old tapes, and the memories they inspire!

#6: Ghoulies II (1988)
Watch the trailer!

You should remember the original Ghoulies from the first batch. This time, the “green toilet monster” shed his clothes and gained an ally! It all seems more deliberately comical than the original’s box, which makes sense, because Ghoulies II was as much a comedy as a horror movie.

When I tell people to give this franchise a chance, I’m mostly talking about Ghoulies II. It was the perfect little monster movie. This time, the Ghoulies – now taking much more central roles – invade a carnival, and spend as much time messing with the attractions as they do the attendees. The film also has a strong contender for “best ending ever,” with the heroes summoning a GIANT-SIZED Ghoulie to come devour the smaller ones. (Words can’t describe!)

Oh, and about that box. While the first movie only used the “toilet gag” in promotional materials, Ghoulies II actually delivered it onscreen. Yep, some poor shitter finally gets it on the ass. If you’re planning a horror movie marathon and want to steer clear of flicks everyone’s seen a dozen times already, PUT THIS ON YOUR LIST. Read More…

Six Foot Freddy Krueger Decoration!

A friend – let’s call him “M” – told me to keep an eye on the mailbox. Assuming “M” did not mean this literally, I complied. My reward was a 72-inch Freddy Krueger with a huge head and absolutely no feet.

“M” apologized for leaving the price sticker on. He feared that any attempt at removing it would destroy the box. Actually, I’m glad it was intact. The “HOT BUYS: 19.99” sticker betrays Freddy’s roots at some faraway Walgreens, and indeed, it’s structured just like so many of their humongous yet relatively inexpensive Halloween decorations with big hard heads topping five feet of cheap ass fabric.

Thing is, those decorations are usually of the generic sort, representing guys like the Grim Reaper, or a version of Ghostface that isn’t really Ghostface. I’d never seen one based on a licensed character, let alone one as top shelf as Fred C. Krueger. Read More…