Dinosaur Dracula!

The Times Scare Disaster.

On Saturday night, a bunch of us went to Times Scare New York City, a restaurant slash haunted house that I’ve been spying on for years. This group also included my friends from Freddy in Space and The Sexy Armpit, so before I get too deep into the more boring parts of this review, let me apologize to them for getting everyone thrown out. Oops! More on that later!

Going in, we all knew what to expect: Tourist trap trappings with the bill to match. That was no big deal, and I don’t want to let WHAT HAPPENED LATER (!!!) spoil the good parts of our experience. If nothing else, Times Scare looked the part! Read More…

MORE Vicious Videocassette Boxes!

Continuing on with the Vicious Videocassette Boxes series, here’s Part 2! Five more dusty old tapes, and the memories they inspire!

#6: Ghoulies II (1988)
Watch the trailer!

You should remember the original Ghoulies from the first batch. This time, the “green toilet monster” shed his clothes and gained an ally! It all seems more deliberately comical than the original’s box, which makes sense, because Ghoulies II was as much a comedy as a horror movie.

When I tell people to give this franchise a chance, I’m mostly talking about Ghoulies II. It was the perfect little monster movie. This time, the Ghoulies – now taking much more central roles – invade a carnival, and spend as much time messing with the attractions as they do the attendees. The film also has a strong contender for “best ending ever,” with the heroes summoning a GIANT-SIZED Ghoulie to come devour the smaller ones. (Words can’t describe!)

Oh, and about that box. While the first movie only used the “toilet gag” in promotional materials, Ghoulies II actually delivered it onscreen. Yep, some poor shitter finally gets it on the ass. If you’re planning a horror movie marathon and want to steer clear of flicks everyone’s seen a dozen times already, PUT THIS ON YOUR LIST. Read More…

Six Foot Freddy Krueger Decoration!

A friend – let’s call him “M” – told me to keep an eye on the mailbox. Assuming “M” did not mean this literally, I complied. My reward was a 72-inch Freddy Krueger with a huge head and absolutely no feet.

“M” apologized for leaving the price sticker on. He feared that any attempt at removing it would destroy the box. Actually, I’m glad it was intact. The “HOT BUYS: 19.99” sticker betrays Freddy’s roots at some faraway Walgreens, and indeed, it’s structured just like so many of their humongous yet relatively inexpensive Halloween decorations with big hard heads topping five feet of cheap ass fabric.

Thing is, those decorations are usually of the generic sort, representing guys like the Grim Reaper, or a version of Ghostface that isn’t really Ghostface. I’d never seen one based on a licensed character, let alone one as top shelf as Fred C. Krueger. Read More…

Halloween Color Blanks, Super-Sized!

During last year’s Countdown, I tossed up a ditty about RoseArt’s Halloween Color Blanks – the “naked” vinyl figures that come with really inky markers to help you to bring them to life.

I didn’t expect to be writing about them again, but the upgrade for 2013 is too major to skip. Not only is this year’s figure double the typical size, but there’s a GREEN LIGHT hiding in its chest. No matter how bad you are at drawing facial features on awkwardly shaped action figures, it’s still going to be okay in the end. This thing LIGHTS UP. Read More…

The Jones Soda 2013 Halloween Flavors!

They’re BACK.

The key points:

1. Jones Soda’s Halloween flavors have RETURNED.

2. This year, the collection includes Red Licorice, Candy Corn, Blood Orange and Caramel Apple.

3. I made a big long video about them!

Enjoy. I’m gonna go spend an hour doing nothing productive.