Dinosaur Dracula!

Another batch of old comic book ads!

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It’s been a long time since Dino Drac’s last Comic Book Ads review, and even longer since I dived into my specific favorite type of them: The tiny-sized ads that were all mashed together on the classifieds pages.

That’s where the real treasures were! Fifty antique coins for a dollar! Legitimate monkey skulls! An Atlas body in seven days!

I’ve collected nine of my favorites. It should have been ten, but I got tired. Enjoy them as I have.

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Star Rocks!
(Alpha Flight #26, September 1985)

The fine print indicated that your meteor would look nothing like the illustration, but that wouldn’t have kept me from expecting exactly that. What a perfect little meteor doodle! The rough edges… the chocolatey colors… and my God, the CRATERS!

Still, five bucks does seem high for these, especially in 1985. That’s probably more than museum gift shops were charging, and museum gift shops already existed on the principle that they could charge five times more than was reasonable for everything they sold. Exclusivity begets twenty dollar geodes, or some shit.

I still would’ve bought one. That doodle is too powerful. Read More…

Ecto Cooler Twinkies?!

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Was there such a thing as Ecto Cooler Twinkies? Well, NO, but bear with me.

Old news: Ecto Cooler was the Slimer-fronted Hi-C flavor, made to capitalize on the popularity of The Real Ghostbusters. The flavor overachieved, and Slimer seemed to remain on those boxes even after his superstar status diminished.

Ecto Cooler would live on even without Slimer on the boxes, and the actual flavor formula would survive for even longer, under another name.

After ten years’ worth of assorted articles about this, I felt like I’d written all I could write about Ecto Cooler.

But then I saw THIS… Read More…

The Best 99 Cent Store EVER.

b99We spent New Year’s Eve in Atlantic City, with The Sexy Armpit’s Jay and his girlfriend Corinne. All I really remember is punching balloons and getting my ass handed to me at three card poker. And walking past some guy that I swore was Johnny Torrio from Boardwalk Empire, even if, in my heart, I knew he wasn’t.

The trip was a private misadventure amongst friends — not something I planned to write about. That all changed in the morning hours. Curing our hangovers with cherry Powerade, we attacked the boardwalk with just one thing in mind:

CRAP SHOPS.

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The Atlantic City boardwalk is full of incredible crap shops. I’ve been providing proof of this for more than a dozen years. This time, though, we landed at the crap shop to end all crap shops. The ULTIMATE crap shop..

Or, more accurately… THE BEST 99 CENT STORE EVER.

I recognized it straight away. It was the same 99 cent store that I used to go to as a newly minted teenager, back when my parents practically lived at the Trump Taj Mahal. It hadn’t changed at all, and I cannot mean that more literally. The stuff that was inside this store… was the same stuff that was inside this store twenty fucking years ago.

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At first, none of us realized that we were surrounded by treasure. We were finding good things, but nothing terribly outrageous. Fifteen minutes must have passed when Jay casually announced that they were selling Dennis the Menace pinball games from 1986. Moments later, I found a Kevin Nash air freshener from 1998.

From that point on, it was complete joyous lunacy. Our eyes were open and we were ready to see the truth. This place was COVERED with amazing shit. Everywhere we turned, there was a new reason to scream.

I think this photo sums it up: Read More…