Had to make myself scarce this week to handle everyone’s Funpack orders, but I thought I’d take a break to write 800 words about old television commercials. Yes, that’s how I relax.
Welcome to the eleventh edition of Classic Creepy Commercials, featuring all sorts of spooky TV ads from the ‘80s and ‘90s! As usual, some of the commercials featured here are from me, and others were donated by my pal Larry.
In tonight’s batch: Mighty Max, Stu Charno, fruit snacks, and four stray frames from an unrelated Stay Trim “Diet Gum” commercial.
Hallmark Halloween Commercial – 1980s!
Of Hallmark’s many Halloween commercials, this one’s by far my favorite. I mentioned Hallmark’s importance to yesteryear’s Halloween seasons in a prior edition of Classic Creepy Commercials, but this particular advertisement represents the company at their absolute spooky peak.
Most of the items featured were unfathomably popular, from the “THIS IS MY COSTUME” shirt to that awesome skull pin with the chattering teeth, which many of you should remember from Roseanne’s biggest Halloween adventure. Pair those with the “Spooky Sounds” audio cassette mentioned at the end, and it’s pretty much the definitive list of 1980s Halloween novelties.
The best part? The guy wearing the aforementioned t-shirt is none other than Stu Charno, from Friday the 13th Part 2! Stu played Ted, one of the rare characters who made it out of Camp Crystal Lake without a single run-in with Jason Voorhees. Go Stu! Read More…
Some of horror’s best-ever action figures came from an unexpected source!
Part of a 1997 Burger King promotion, I hope some of you remember this quartet of positively kickass Universal Monsters figures. They deserve to be remembered!
Officially licensed (meaning, the figures weren’t simply meant to resemble the classic characters — they were them), I’m still not entirely sure how these figures came to be.
The late ‘90s did have that quiet Universal Monsters boom with the postage stamps and all, but considering the quality of these toys, and the fact that they seemingly weren’t made to promote anything, I guess it was just one of those blessed anomalies that boosted nationwide belief in holy spirits.
They’re great figures even by today’s standards, albeit not very important ones. It was much different in 1997! Funko’s ReAction line didn’t yet exist, and we hadn’t seen straight-up Universal Monsters figures in years. These toys seem like throwbacks when you look at them now, but they felt the same way back in ‘97!
Read on for a closer look at each of the four figures, and note how they were all retail-quality. I’m still so amazed that they lived and died as Burger King premiums! Read More…
Gutting through a nightmarish slog of technical mishaps, we’re finally ready to release the latest episode of The Purple Stuff Podcast!
This time, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit chat about GHASTLY GHOSTS from all walks of pop culture. (And by “all walks” I mainly mean movies, but a few others may have slipped into our convo.)
The convo tackles eleven of our favorite supernatural specters, from Samara to the Scoleri Brothers. Give us a listen on the player below, or download the MP3 directly right over here!
(Feel free to talk about some of your favorite pop culture ghosts, in the comments!)
When you’re done with that, go check out the brand new Sexy Armpit Halloween Special, and not just because I play a small part in it!
But wait! I’m not through with you yet!
Oh yes, it’s time for Dino Drac’s ENVELOPE OF EVIL II.
It’s another envelope full of Halloween horrors! Everything shown above can be yours for $20 shipped. (And these go out via Priority Mail, too!) Please note that the Envelopes of Evil II are only available in the United States!
Quantities are extremely limited, and these won’t be restocked!
Click the button at the bottom of this post to order, but first, read on to see what you’ll be getting! Read More…
I didn’t want the Countdown to slip by without at least one Halloween-themed edition of Five Random Action Figures, so here you go!
My criteria was simple. “Would the figure look good on my Halloween Mood Table?” If the answer was “yes,” it was safe to include.
The Headless Horseman!
Sleepy Hollow, 1999
My pal Anthony donated this one, thereby guaranteeing himself lifetime access to one of my kidneys. I’m a huge fan of Sleepy Hollow, and — with the admission that I may be in the minority on this — consider it one of Tim Burton’s best movies.
The film was this weird-but-brilliant black comedy that never let itself in on the joke. It was cheesy and preposterous, but it never told you that it knew these things. (It’s also super atmospheric, and just perfect for this time of year. Like a futuristic Yankee Candle, Sleepy Hollow seems somehow scented with autumn.)
The movie would’ve meant so much less without Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman, though. God, guys! It had to be one of his easiest paychecks ever, but he was SO good in this.
“Here’s the plan, Chris. Your only line with be ‘neeeaaarrrrhhh!’ We’ll dress you like a vampire version of Pinhead. And that’s literally it.”
McFarlane Toys got in on the “mature” market long before most other companies. This figure, which has a removable head and came packaged with severed heads, could never be construed as a “kid’s toy.” Read More…