BFCDAW #5: The Albino Ferret of Christmas.

I met the Albino Ferret of Christmas in 1986. One of my then-in-college brothers was home for the holidays, and with him were his two pet ferrets. Thinking back, I have no idea how he got away with dorm room ferrets, but kids never considered the particulars.

One looked like an everyday “normal” ferret, but the other had yellowy-white fur and fiery red eyes. He was the real star. The Albino Ferret of Christmas.

I was told in no uncertain terms to stay away from those ferrets, and my brother scared me more than enough to listen. (To give you some idea: One time, he dropped a glass in the kitchen. I made the mistake of walking into the room while performing a sarcastic golf clap. The results were disastrous. Ever have broken glass scraped across your eye? Trust me, you’re not missing much.)

But even a scary older brother couldn’t keep me away from those ferrets forever.

That Christmas Eve, when all of the adults were upstairs partying, I snuck into his makeshift bedroom for a closer look. The “normal” ferret was doing his thing, but if I only had a minute to be one with the ferrets, I wanted to spend it with the freaky yeti version.

I was young enough to consider those red eyes “frightening” at first, but lo and behold, the Albino Ferret of Christmas acted just like any other ferret. It wouldn’t let me pet its head through the cage bars, but it didn’t spit fire at me, either.

Since it was Christmas Eve, I couldn’t stay with the AF of C for long. Really, it was only for a moment. But I’ve remembered that moment for more than twenty years.

I guess albino ferrets just have a special kind of charisma?

  • Reesie

    Your description reminds me of the evil Mugwai. Not sure why, it just does.

  • http:// FangsFirst


  • jzimbert

    Hmmm. Typical Matt hyperbole, or horrifying tale of sibling abuse?

  • Matt

    Hyperbole. But it came close.

  • JohnV

    Scary older brother is SCARY!

  • Brian Barnes

    So, you’re brother seems to turn on a dime? One moment he’s nearly a crazied killer in a Fulci movie, and the next he’s having a family moment watching He Man and She-Ra Christmas with you?

    I think that would make you a bit of a nervous wreck. It could even lead somebody running a comedy/observation/nostalgia website for over a decade :)

  • Matt

    Different brothers! :) I have more in common with the one who broke the glass, tho.

  • Rev. Whitley 13

    Television in the 80′s gave me a pretty unrealistic impression of what life in a dorm would be like. On one hand, one pay phone in the hall, shared by one and all. On the other hand, the possibility of live marmots did not seem farfetched.

  • Scott

    sounds kinda like my family. one of the first memories i have of my sister was when she was trying to strangle me.

  • DJ D

    Just sat down and caught myself up with all the posts from the last week or so. Today’s my day off from work and I’m going in late tomorrow because the car’s in the shop, but luckily it looks like I’m getting out paying a lot less than I thought. It seemed at first as though it was the transmission, fuel filter, fuel pump, or fuel injectors, all of which would be expensive. But, it turns out all the guy had to do was change out something called a cam sensor which had died, and he quoted me about $176. I honestly thought I was going to be paying somewhere around $300-600, so I’m relieved. He wants to keep it overnight and check it out in the morning just to be on the safe side, so I’ll find out for sure tomorrow. But for now, it’s looking good. Christmas shopping almost wasn’t going to happen at all this year. It’s a Festivus Miracle!

    In reference to the Honey Balls post from the other day, I wanted to mention that my mom makes peanut butter balls every year and they are heaven in a ball. They’re peanut butter balls, infused with bits of coconut and covered in chocolate. She’s made them every year since I was a kid and it’s one of the parts of Christmas I look forward to the most. Well, that and my uncle Tommy’s chili, made out of a bunch of different beans, beef, giant chunks of stewed tomatoes, and some kind of chili powder that has a serious kick to it.

    In other news, I’ve been using Netflix to go back and catch up with G1 Transformers. I realized that I’d never seen anything past Season 2 aside from Transformers: The Motion Picture. I think Season 3 gets a bad rap. Some of that wasn’t too bad. Those final 3 episodes that made up Season 4 resulted in a pretty weak ending though.

    So anyway, I never saw much of Beast Wars when it was originally on, but people rave about it all the time. Should I knock that one on next? I remember that I didn’t care too much for it back then, but maybe I’ll think differently now.

    I’ve also been playing Transformers: Fall of Cybertron on the PS3 and really digging it, but I’m stuck. It’s got 12 chapters and I’m at the end of Chapter 10 playing as Megatron. I’m in a big room in the middle of a giant shootout and can’t get past it to save my life. I’ve been on the same damn part for 3 days now and am on the verge of throwing in the towel. Needless to say, my controller has taken a little abuse.

    I saw what reference you made there, Rev. Hillman 13, and I love you for it.

  • M oleman

    Great story Matt. I can picture you creeping down the cellar steps with all the hubbub going on upstairs. Reminds me of my parents old house.

    Hubbub. Word or not. Discuss.

  • Bill

    Those minutes of magic that last decades are great. Makes one think of why they hold such significants?

  • mandy_Reeves(dwayne wayne)

    3 can play at this game….also…I wanted a ferret for awhile now…but hearing about how they have a musk…and this apartment has too many hidey holes for slinky lil furball.

  • starwenn

    And I thought me coming home from college to discover my siblings had somehow gotten iguanas around my parents was strange.

  • Hoverbored

    Ferrets are one of those things whose appeal escapes me.

    Thanks to you folks who submitted advice about DS flash carts! I’ll be putting one at the top of my Xmas list. The Supercard DS two is probably the best choice; I read that it contains and a ram module and CPU enhancement chip designed to assist emulation. Since a 3DS is probably too much to ask, a good flash cart for DS will be a good substitute, especially considering what the DS homebrew scene has put out.

  • RudyEats

    albino ferrets get a +5 to charisma.

  • Ultraman

    Ferrets have a very special place in my heart. I had 3 as a kid. I’ve mentioned them before. This post reminds me of all the cute and funny stuff they did at Christmas time.

  • Randie

    Great post, Matt.

    I’ve had 7 ferrets in the last 4 years. Three died of cancer, the other 4 are perfectly healthy.

    These little carnivores can make great pets for some people, horrible pets for others. They’re usually very active, get into everything, are thieves of small objects, and are extremely expensive to care for, and are prone to cancers. They need at least 2 hours of daily out of cage time for their physical and mental well being. You can’t just put them in a cage and forget about them, like you might be able to do with a rodent.

    Many people purchase ferrets, and then dump them at ferret shelters when they realize that they’ve chosen the wrong pet, or when it comes time to pay the (very expensive) medical bills.

    Henry, one of my 4, is from the Oregon Ferret Shelter. He was returned to Petco by his former owners after being electrocuted. The Petco staff then signed him over to the OFS, where he eventually entered my life. He has some brain damage, but is otherwise healthy. Henry’s awesome.

  • Heather

    Just read this post….I so enjoy hearing everyone’s memories of Christmas-times past…even quick little moments like this!

    Randie- that is awesome you have rescued ferrets. I have had several rats, and just to touch base on this, all small animals should have safe out of cage time to help keep them healthy and happy mentally and physically. The more free roam time the better. :)

    Matt- I hope your brother’s ferrets stayed with him always. Did you ever get to pet either of them?!

  • Thorzul

    Holy shit, your brother is a sick fuck! I’m hoping the broken glass thing was imaginary.

  • Heather

    Yeah I am concerned and confused about the glass thing as well! That doesn’t sound good!