The Mausoleum of Madness, Part II!
Welcome to Dinosaur Dracula’s MAUSOLEUM OF MADNESS, PART II! Every day through Halloween, check back for another vintage creepy collectible – everything from deep cut toys to ancient store displays to at least one totally insane costume. Probably ten cereal boxes, too.
I won’t be plugging this on social media much, so you’ll have to remember to visit on your own. Maybe stick an orange Post-It on the fridge. (Yes, it must be orange.)
PS, if you missed last year’s Mausoleum of Madness, it’s over here.
#66: Halloween Monster Figure! (Early ‘90s)
This ultra-obscure line of budget action figures had been my white whale for over a decade. It’s not that they never pop up, but when they do, sellers generally request both kidneys and the deed to your soul. A while back, I finally found a few for a decent price.
Halloween Monster was a series of cheap action figures produced exclusively for Walmart. I believe they’re from the very early ‘90s, but it may have been the late ‘80s. These likely would’ve been stocked in the seasonal section with all of the other Halloween novelties, and not necessarily in the toy aisles.
If this twisted creature seems familiar but you can’t put your finger on why, it’s because the Halloween Monster series reworked the molds from an even earlier line of cheap action figures – Monster Man – which was meant to mimic characters from Hasbro’s Inhumanoids. (Check out Redsun from that line, and note the vague resemblance!)
If you want to see some other figures from this collection, I posted them on Instagram.
The weirdo figures are tremendous, but it’s really the packaging that puts them over the top. Sometimes, when you give a designer five colors and five minutes, magic happens.
#65: Telco Skull String Lights! (1988)
These are special. While there are a million vintage strands of skull string lights that look something like this, only one looks exactly like this.
They were made by Telco, and if you’ve been paying attention to this feature, you know that’s why I wanted them. But it wasn’t merely for name value. See, while there might be a million vintage strands of skull string lights, these were specifically modeled to resemble the same skulls that so many of the Telco Motionettes carry around!
They’re very hard to find, because there are sooo many similar sets, from companies who didn’t just try to copy the look of Telco’s lights, but also their classic packaging. Since most sellers don’t bother to identify company names with stuff like this, you might need to weed through hundreds of listings to find a legit Telco set, and even then, there are no guarantees.
When I won these on eBay, some asshole almost succeeded in getting the seller to pass them his way instead. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WEIRDO. I don’t mention this for revenge’s sake, but only to illustrate that they’re rare enough to make people act like lunatics.
My Telco kick notwithstanding, I really do feel that these are the best-looking of the many skull string light sets out there. You wouldn’t think there’d be that much of a difference between them all, but there is, and I challenge anyone to find me a more attractive set. (You can’t!)
#64: RGB Bike Happy Meal! (1991)
This info sheet was sent to McDonald’s franchisees to drum up interest in the second (and last) Real Ghostbusters Happy Meal. They did a set of school supplies in 1987, but then in 1991, we got a batch of… um… bicycle accessories?
If you’re wondering why they made school supplies and bike junk instead of “regular” toys, my best guess is that companies like Kenner had exclusive rights for that kinda stuff.
I haven’t heard from many folks who remember buying this Happy Meal in 1991, and I don’t either, so it’s very possible that it was only available regionally – presumably in areas with robust cycling communities and many paid subscriptions to BMX Plus.
(FWIW, it did have a wider release in Canada, but I know it was in the States, too. Just probably not in every state.)
You might not imagine much when you hear “bicycle accessories,” but wow, this was an overachiever. From left to right, we have the wind-powered Egon Spinner, a Slimer Bike Horn, an electronic Ecto-1 Siren, and finally the PKE Drink Bottle, which I might call my favorite, if only for the sheer absurdity of a water bottle shaped like a PKE meter!
#63: Topstone Animated Ghost! (Late ‘80s)
Before anyone gives me shit, no, this is NOT another Telco thing. Not technically, anyway. This beautifully bizarre ghoul is from Topstone, one of the many companies who saw how successful Telco was with their Motionettes, and decided to make cheaper, jankier versions of them.
I actually just got home with this. Saw something familiar poking out of a bin in a yard sale preview photo on Marketplace, and I knew that oddly-shaped head could’ve only belonged to the Topstone Ghost. Begged the kind folks to meet up with me tonight, to avoid Saturday morning traffic, plus the very real threat of some dumbass picker grabbing him first.
Though rare, the Topstone Ghost is pretty unpopular in the Motionette community. I’ve seen one collector remark that he looks like a condom, which is… admittedly accurate. But I love him. I love his goofy tongue, his ill-fitting sheet, and the fact that he’s curiously choking himself. He was worth the 15 bucks and the 80 minutes of driving. Welcome home, bud. Read More…