The Mausoleum of Madness, Part II!
Welcome to Dinosaur Dracula’s MAUSOLEUM OF MADNESS, PART II! Every day through Halloween, check back for another vintage creepy collectible – everything from deep cut toys to ancient store displays to at least one totally insane costume. Probably ten cereal boxes, too.
I won’t be plugging this on social media much, so you’ll have to remember to visit on your own. Maybe stick an orange Post-It on the fridge. (Yes, it must be orange.)
PS, if you missed last year’s Mausoleum of Madness, it’s over here.
#48: Candid Halloween Photo! (1986)
The ‘80s flavors in this photo – which I weirdly found on eBay – are so unbelievably on-the-nose, you’d swear it’s AI. But no, this is legit, and it’s exactly how I remember Halloween.
First you’ve got the classic mask-and-smock costumes, an awkward rite of passage for kids of several generations. Here we see examples representing Barbie and the Rockers, Popples and My Little Pony. After ten minutes spent trick-or-treating, the plastic shirts would be torn, the masks dented, and each child would have lost seventeen pounds’ worth of water weight.
The setting is accurate, too. A big ol’ clunky television set, with rabbit ears that touched the moon. Wood paneling on the walls, complete with those “burnt spots” that used to fascinate me as a kid. A curtain that had no right being up, in either a functional or decorative sense.
Then there’s the jack-o’-lantern, placed directly atop the television, with nothing but a dish towel to protect one of the most expensive things in the house from a rotting piece of fruit. We all did this, and the notion came to us instinctually.
In short, this photo embodies Halloween in 1986. All that’s missing is a McDonald’s bucket and an official Lite-Stik™ light stick.
#47: Topstone Alien Mask! (1980s)
Well, the day has finally come.
Longtime readers may remember this story, about how I was obsessed with dressing as ALF for Halloween in 1987, but couldn’t find the mask. After weeks of torture, I paired the official ALF bodysuit with a random alien mask that at least had patches of the same brown fur.
And that’s how ALF’s cousin MALPH was born.
I never thought I’d see that mask again. I wasn’t even looking for it. It just randomly turned up on an eBay search where it had no right to be. Naturally, I bought it immediately. Turns out it was made by Topstone, which makes sense, because those guys were all over Halloween in the ‘80s.
You might be wondering why I never mentioned the light-up eyes in any retellings of my MALPH story. Truth is, I forgot about that little hiccup! The delicate wire connecting the eyes to a 9V battery was already broken when I got my original mask, so they were never part of my ensemble.
It’s a good thing I never saw what the glowing eyes looked like as a kid. Had I known they were that amazing, I would’ve been crushed!
MALPH, bless his heart, ended up being the most memorable and important Halloween costume of my childhood. It felt like a full-circle moment to wear this again. The smell of the rubber, which lies somewhere between burnt wood and tonic water, sent me straight back to elementary school.
#46: The Vampire Gimlet! (1972)
This 53-year-old magazine ad for Smirnoff Vodka combines two of my greatest loves – monsters, and antiquated quirky cocktails. I haven’t had a drink in years, but were I to break form, it’d definitely be for a Vampire Gimlet. Mostly just for the excuse to say “Vampire Gimlet” a few times.
The recipe calls for 100 proof vodka, lime juice, sugar, and the fetching garnish of a single black olive. I’m sad that black olives have fallen out of favor in the cocktail arena. First Taco Bell got rid of them, and then every boozer on the planet. What’s wrong with everyone? Black olives are great!
The olive, of course, is what gives the drink its name. Take it away, and you’ve just made a regular Vodka Gimlet. Personally, even if I hated olives, I’d eat one for the chance to be a little more goth. Read More…
1992 Broadcast of Texas Chainsaw Part 2!
The latest episode of The Purple Stuff Podcast is here, and baby, we’re takin’ ya to Texas. It’s an episode that felt right for the Halloween season, and I’m not just saying that because it references a Dunkin’ Donuts commercial where Fred the Baker played Dr. Frankenstein.
In October of 1992, a FOX affiliate out of Boston implausibly decided to run The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 – a grisly, unrated movie loaded with blood and mayhem – right there on broadcast television, in prime time. What chutzpah!!
Join me and Jay from Sludge Central for an hourlong examination of this ancient television event. We’ll tell you about the film (which we love), how this FOX affiliate handled airing such a gnarly movie, and we’ll even get into some of the commercials that played during the broadcast. (Including some that were Halloween-themed!)
If you’ve seen the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre but never the sequel, boy, it’s a WAY different movie. Loud and over-the-top as a rule. It must be seen to be believed, but playing this episode is the next best thing.
Click here to listen to this month’s show!
…which you can also find on Apple, Spotify, and wherever else you listen to podcasts.
As a reminder, The Purple Stuff Podcast is also on Patreon, where we drop an exclusive bonus show every month. When you join, you instantly gain access to our entire back catalog, which goes back years. There are over 80 exclusive episodes waiting for you over there!
Oh, and here’s a little video we put together showing the film’s awesomely ominous television intro, plus all of the commercials we discuss on the show.
Enjoy! The Purple Stuff Podcast isn’t done Halloweening, so when you’re through listening to this, it won’t be long before we’re attacking you with chainsaws again. Stay tuned, stay vigilant.