Introducing GORZAK, one of the best toys you’ve never heard of.

Made by Tyco in 1994, the battery-operated behemoth stood around fifteen inches tall, feeling much like a cousin of the Inhumanoids. Here’s the commercial, but I warn you: Nobody can watch this without making the acquisition of Gorzak their life’s mission.


Gorzak wasn’t part of a larger collection; from all I can tell, it was just him. The figures you saw Gorzak beating up in the commercial were of the generic or “prop” sort.

That just makes the monster even better. For a one-and-done, Tyco put a LOT into this guy. A high-end commercial combining a live shoot with custom animation, and that says nothing of the toy itself. I’m of the mind that Gorzak was originally meant to be a part of some existing line, because he’s just too amazing and intricate for such a random, singular release.

I don’t have the box or instructions to lead me through, but judging by the ad, Gorzak was a skyscraper-sized demon wolf, who escaped prison to kick and eat his captors. (Why the military jailed him with his enormous battle axe is a matter of debate.)

The commercial does little to dissuade the notion that Gorzak is an evil murderer, and in fact, it even encourages kids to make him beat the fuck out of the presumed good guys. I’m down with all of this.

I own a Gorzak, and my earlier comparison to the Inhumanoids was dead on. He’s only a tiny bit smaller than Tendril or Metlar, but I think Gorzak makes up for it with his blinking eyes and the fact that he can walk under his own power.

Under Gorzak’s feet are wheels, and when you yell your commands at him, Gorzak lumbers over everything in his path. (I wasn’t able to locate Gorzak’s axe, but if I had that, he’d be swinging it for added effect.)

I can name very few figures that approached Gorzak’s size, and that’s the biggest reason for his specialness. Every kid had a giant monster toy, and there was no greater thrill than turning that monster loose on every four-inch idiot in sight.

Best of all, since Gorzak owed no allegiance to any larger line, there was nothing stopping you from trouncing figures from every line. This was a monster that crushed Luke, Egon and Donatello with equal prejudice. You might’ve broken a few action figures, but with Gorzak, you’d never break canon.

Gorzak allegedly responds to voice commands, but I can’t figure out exactly how that works. There’s a little button on his waist, and when I press it, he’ll eventually stomp around whether I yell things at him or not. On the other hand, it’s not like I can help myself, because there are so few justifications in the world for screaming “GORZAK!!” at the top of my lungs.

Especially in the mid ‘90s, Tyco was more at home making radio control cars. In many ways, Gorzak feels as much like one of those as an “action figure.” It’s like they gutted the electronics from some toy truck and turned it into Lucifer. Tyco should’ve done that more often.

Here’s my Gorzak, in action:

Gorzak is easy to find on eBay, though you’ll need serious luck to grab a boxed version for a reasonable price. I never know if the inane reviews I do ever inspire people to actually go out and buy the things I cover, but yeah, I completely recommend Gorzak. Even when he isn’t marching, he displays nicely!