More Horror Movie Newspaper Ads!
I have a special sort of nostalgia for old horror movie newspaper ads.
While I’m now a fan of scary movies, they terrified me as a kid, in that “do not touch” sort of way. Catching movie promos on television was a daily risk, but there was something even spookier about the newspaper ads, which were usually just a page away from Garfield and Snoopy.
I couldn’t put my finger on why, but I think the reason is in that paragraph. I was unlikely to see a trailer for Pumpkinhead on television, because Pumpkinhead wasn’t advertised during cartoons. In the newspaper, all bets were off. There could be a Pumpkinhead ad right under the crossword puzzle, next to a pitch for Oliver & Company.
The genre freaked me out, but it also intrigued me. I’d stare at those ads and imagine dank theaters full of hoodlums and hedonists. I believed horror movies to be “dangerous” in a pretty literal way, which of course made them seem twenty times more interesting.
Below: Another batch of horror movie newspaper ads from the ‘80s and ‘90s, acting as the sequel to this older Dino Drac article.
Ghoulies! (1984)
Wow, check out this drive-in’s doubleheader: Ghoulies AND A Nightmare on Elm Street! I couldn’t dream up a more perfect evening. Just me, Freddy, a 1978 Chevrolet Malibu, and maybe some nachos from the snack shack.
Given its iconic status as a home video rental, it’s hard for me to register that Ghoulies even had a theatrical release. This ad proves that its famous pitch was there from the start: “This movie has monsters in toilets, and you as a rational person should not ignore that.”
The Ultimate Double Creature! (1986)
In what appears to have been a nationwide promotion, moviegoers could see both Aliens and The Fly for the price of a single ticket. Not bad!
I suspect that many who took ‘em up on that offer needed a day to recover. After all, neither Aliens nor The Fly are “light” horror movies by any stretch. To this day, I still treat Aliens like a “big event” movie, and approach it with trepidation. The Fly is a bit less intense, but it compensates with that shot of Jeff Goldblum upchucking buggy stomach acid. Read More…
11 Things I Loved About 2016.
Everyone knows the gag by now. 2016 wasn’t a year, but a malevolent entity sent to spread misery and pain to all mankind.
It was just a silly meme people used to ease tensions after another shitty thing happened, but it’s just as true that 2016 really was a bumpy road, full of awful news and unexpected deaths.
But was it ALL bad? Hell no! To close out 2016, here are 11 things that I actually LIKED about it:
#1: Rogue One!
I ended up enjoying Rogue One even more than The Force Awakens, and that’s saying a lot.
Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to like it so much. The movie’s core conceit sounded a bit humdrum to me, and I just never imagined that they’d be able to shoehorn the story into Star Wars canon and have it feel organically integral. I’m crazy enough about Star Wars to happily devour anything under its umbrella, but I figured that this would be a movie only for people like me.
I WAS SO WRONG. It’s legit great. Like okay, it does kind of take a while to get going and there were a few threads left dangling by the end of it, but so much of it is fantastic, and the last act had my whole theater inching out of their seats. By the end of it, I felt like I’d ridden five roller coasters and suffered six breakups.
(Also: I loved Jyn, Chirrut and Director Krennic so much that I’d already list them among my favorite-ever Star Wars characters.)
#2: The Return of Hi-C Ecto Cooler!
God bless Coca-Cola for bringing back Ecto Cooler, which as of this writing is wrapping up its second (and perhaps final) run. If you see it in stores, BUY IT, because it’ll be gone before you have another chance.
With the new Ghostbusters movie acting as a natural prompt, Ecto Cooler’s return seemed like a now-or-never proposition. Still, nobody could’ve predicted how seriously Coke would take the revival: Ecto Cooler came back in juice boxes AND all-new cans, along with the full complement of social media pushes.
I’ll never forget the day me and Jay drove to some faraway movie theater just so we could be among the first to taste the green goddess again, nor will I forget the conversations I’ve had with fellow fans who just couldn’t believe that this was actually happening.
Now several months into its return (and hours shy of its second death), we’ve all started to take Ecto Cooler for granted. That’s natural, but make no mistake: If you’re even 1/20th as wild about Ecto Cooler as I am, all of those rumors and confirmations and in-store sightings and Amazon Pantry orders were all part of a weirdly communal pop culture event that none of us will ever forget. Read More…
Preparing for Christmas!
It’s Friday night. Only half the presents are wrapped, and only half the mushrooms are stuffed. As usual, I have a million things left to do before my family’s Christmas Eve party. Between now and then, I’ll be lucky if I get four hours sleep.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The preparations actually began yesterday, with me zipping from one store to another, looking for those last gifts, and that stupid parsley, and oh God, how did I forget the wrapping paper?
My first stop was the liquor store. I wanted to knock that chore off the list as early as possible. Have you ever gone to a liquor store on Christmas Eve? Holy hell, it’s the worst.
The tequila is for me and my girlfriend. These days, that’s all we really drink. My family is more into assorted wines and fruity cocktails, but since I drink to excess on Christmas, I prefer to avoid spirits that are 100% guaranteed to give me a hangover. When my head hurts, I am so fucking whiny.
The spiked eggnog is for anyone who wants it, as are the bottles of Prosecco. (Never had Prosecco? It’s like the champagne version of wine. Good stuff!) Read More…
Highlights from the 1986 Sears Wish Book!
I wanted to get one more catalog review done before Christmas, and I think we’re ending with a doozy. (And also a DaZoo, but that joke won’t become funny until you’re a thousand words in.)
Behold, the 1986 Sears Wish Book! This was a big one, guys. Action figures as a concept were at peak heat, and toy companies were literally going for broke.
It’s not simply that there were so many action figure lines competing, but also that they were all so different. It’s easy to see why many people my age cling fiercely to this hobby: We grew up when action figures were the best game in town, and even if they rarely are nowadays, we’ll always know what they can be.
Below are nine highlights from the ‘86 Wish Book, covering everything from Transformers to space cadet Cabbage Patch Kids. Even with all of this, I could easily do another 5 articles from just this one catalog.
Eternia Playset!
($99.99)
Now among the most famous Masters of the Universe collectibles, Eternia was as much a white whale in the mid ‘80s as it is in 2016. Added to the toy line well after its popularly peaked, Eternia also suffered from a retail price that still sounds extravagant.
Essentially a cross between a model train set and Disney’s monorail, Eternia was doubtlessly ambitious, but perhaps too much so. With the older Castle Grayskull playset, you could throw that thing off the roof and it’d still work the same. Eternia was more of a house of cards, even if some of those cards were demonic spires, and the joker was Blue Simba. Sneeze at this playset, and you’d be left with 400 mini playsets.
Course, what may have been flaws in 1986 are big huge plusses in 2016. As a display piece, Eternia is one of the best toys of the ‘80s, and also the one that doubles best if I want my action figures to solve crimes at the spooky theme park.
Boxed specimens now sell for over two thousand bucks, so if you know anyone who has one, beg for money. Read More…