Five Random Action Figures, Part 33!
I wanted to do another edition of Five Random Action Figures before Halloween, lest I waste the excuse to take pictures of plastic monsters out in the freezing rain. So here we are, hours later, with me sneezing and my phone’s touchscreen on the fritz. I suffer for you.
Rancor Monster
Star Wars (1983)
The Rancor Monster was the largest of Kenner’s vintage Star Wars figures, with a price to match.
Too extravagant to talk Mom & Dad into buying during a “regular” trip to Toys “R” Us, most kids had to wait for Christmas or their birthdays, and pray that they’d remember how much they wanted one during those small windows of opportunity. It was the kid version of trying to get pregnant.
I never did get a Rancor Monster as a kid, and actually never even saw one in person until I was like, 67. It’s an impressive figure for sure, but as the legend grew in my childhood brain, I imagined the Rancor being triple this size and with rough, leathery skin.
The reality may not be the Rancor of my dreams, but it’s still a wonderful toy. It’s like they mixed DNA from a tyrannosaur and that thing from Cloverfield. Read More…
The Wickedest Witch 1989 Halloween Special!
We need talk about The Wickedest Witch.
Starring Rue McClanahan as an exiled she-devil (seriously), the NBC special premiered on October 30th, 1989. It aired only that one time and has never been released on VHS or DVD. Even taped-off-television copies are incredibly hard to find. Life isn’t fair.
(CLICK HERE TO WATCH ON YOUTUBE!)
Thanks to a generous donation by reader Ed L., I’m happy to announce that you FINALLY have a chance to see it. ALL of it! Watch the video above to experience The Wickedest Witch in its entirety. (Well, almost its entirety. Ed cut out the commercials, and in the process lost a few seconds of the special. Whatever. He’s still my hero.)
McClanahan stars as Avarissa, a decrepit harpy desperate to escape her underground prison, where she’s cursed to rule over a horde of subservient but irritating Greevils — those being green, reptilian, Muppet-like things that are vaguely reminiscent of the Skeksis from The Dark Crystal, but by way of ALF.
It’s odd as hell, but The Wickedest Witch was a big production. McClanahan was still well within her “Blanche years,” and while I’d concede that her star hadn’t quite risen to the point of being able to open a movie, she was surely a big get for a one-off television special.
Pair that with the sheer amount of Greevil puppets (not to mention the cavernous set), and I still have no idea how The Wickedest Witch ever happened. Why go through so much trouble for a 30 minute special that would only air once? Why not release it on video? Why hasn’t it at least turned up on any of those bargain bin DVDs where you get 18 movies for the price of one?
There must have been some sort of legal snafu that led to its premature doom. Like maybe Rue’s contract didn’t allow for repeats or VHS releases, and NBC just couldn’t make the math work? The Wickedest Witch is bizarre, but the weirdest thing about the special is that it only ever got one chance to hit the ball.
If you don’t have time to endure the whole thing right now, I’ve also clipped out several of the highlights. Watch ‘em below! Read More…
My ALF Halloween Costume Story.
I have a story for you. It’s pretty long, so sit down and for God’s sake close your other tabs.
It’s about ALF.
Gordon Motherfuckin’ Shumway. I haven’t written much about ALF on Dino Drac, but make no mistake, he was my main dude. ALF was my hero and my muse, and his TV show was a can’t-miss affair. My daily mantra basically amounted to WWAD?
Naturally, at the peak of ALF’s popularity, I decided that I had to be him for Halloween.
That would’ve been 1987, when I was in the third grade. To date, it was the only time that I was ever laser focused on any one specific Halloween costume. Nothing else would do. It was ALF or bust. ALF or tear my hair out. ALF or DEATH.
And I didn’t want the shitty baby costume shown above, either. I’d been down that mask-and-smock road before. It was okay for kindergarteners, but I was in the third grade now. My ALF costume needed to be 80 times more legit. Read More…
Dino Drac’s Halloween 2016 Funpack!
Look dudes, you’re too old to go trick-or-treating. This Halloween, you’re gonna have to treat yourself. And I have just the thing!
($25 MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION BOX. UNITED STATES ONLY!)
Dino Drac’s Halloween 2016 Funpack is finally here, and baby, it’s loaded. There are around a dozen items in every box, and they’re all SUPER SPOOKY.
For those who haven’t been paying attention — and God, I need a copy/paste version of this spiel — I sell monthly Funpacks. They’re 25 bucks a month (including shipping), and for as long as you stay subscribed, you’ll keep receiving new boxes of wacky goodies every month. (You can cancel at any time without penalty, of course!)
The Funpacks fund the site, and without them, there’d be no Dino Drac. So on top of getting boxes of retro-and-new nonsense each month, you’re also helping to keep the site stocked with silly articles about trivial junk. Yay! Read More…