Pepperidge Farm may have peaked with their Goldfish crackers, but this comes close. Keep an eye out for a new pair of autumn “Swirl” breads, in the style of raisin bread, but with fruity bits that are far more appropriate for a season filled with death and monsters. Yes!
On the left, Caramel Apple. On the right, Pumpkin Spice. It’s amazing what simple words like “caramel” and “spice” can do. If these breads had plainer “Apple” and “Pumpkin” titles, I’d be less interested by a factor of forty zillion.
Maybe fifty zillion on the Pumpkin Spice bread, actually. I really need that “spice” in there. Pumpkin is something I’ve never been able to accept as food. The only way I can eat bread stuffed with chunks of pumpkin is with the knowledge that said chunks have been doused with enough edible incense to make my kitchen stink like a 1997 head shop. Read More…
A blurry picture of an orange balloon, with crude jack o’ lantern features drawn on.
This could only mean one thing.
And it probably explains why the site is all orange and purple.
It must be Dinosaur Dracula’s…
The Halloween Countdown began on X-E, back in 2003. As much as I’d love to call this the tenth annual, it’s not. It’s the first. It’s Dinosaur Dracula’s first Halloween Countdown!
It’s that time of year, my friends. I don’t care how hot it is. Halloween is too awesome for one month, and September never seems to mind being treated like October.
What’s that, you say? You’re nowhere near ready to carve pumpkins and chomp blood capsules? Of course you aren’t, and that’s okay. With over a decade’s worth of experience in publicly Halloweening, I’ve come to learn that there’s so much more to the season than the “on the nose” stuff.
Scary books and scary movies. Walks in the dark, under noisy trees. Candles that smell like things I’d like to eat. Paper and crayons. New keywords for my DVR. Countless Google searches for local events, not-so-local events, and tutorials on gourd crafts.
It doesn’t need to be October to enjoy things like that. You can do it right now. And since I’ve spent the last week honing my skills at hypnotizing through text, you WILL do it right now.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I enjoy Halloween even more than the Christmas season – an idea I might have considered sacrilegious in prior years. I’ll deny writing this later, but it’s true. September rolls around, and I feel like I wake up. Benign things start to bring so much joy, and by the time we’re firmly entrenched in the season, my only sadness comes from knowing that it will end.
We’ve all gotten older. Many of you have gotten older right along with me. On the surface, it gets harder and harder to “do Halloween” as the years pass. Our responsibilities grow; our ability to act like children without that tinge of guilt dwindles. I understand it. No matter how hard I fight it, that’s happened to me, too.
But Satan? He’s a benevolent god! He doesn’t care if you string cotton webs all over your house. He doesn’t even care if you get a costume. He just wants you to find some way to enjoy this super special time of year, and my one hope is that Dinosaur Dracula will help you do that.
This will be a fun Countdown, I swear it. We will see all sorts of wonderful things, you and I.
Now let’s get to the FAQ! Yeah, a FAQ!
How often will you be updating during the Countdown?
As often as I can, and more often as the season rolls on. I’m on a gig right now that lasts until midmonth. Once that’s over, I’m all yours through Halloween. For the next week or so, we’ll be easing into it slowly.
Where can I view the old X-Entertainment Halloween Countdowns?
While still technically viewable now, there are some bugs to fix, leftover from when I switched servers. Turning that negative into a positive, I’ll be fixing them year by year and linking back to ‘em with totally pointless commentary. Stay tuned.
Okay, but what about the Halloween Jukebox?
There’s a rumor that Harley managed to dig up the old jukebox, so all you need to do is find Harley. And Harley’s pretty easy to find.
Who designed that WICKED Dino Drac Halloween logo?
Jason Week, of course. Every post on this site could be a thank-you to Jason for his continued efforts in helping me make something of Dinosaur Dracula, and it still wouldn’t be enough. Someday, Jason may need some vital organ, and I’ll feel like a real dick if I’m not first in line to pony up. Honestly, the Countdown peaked at that logo.
What can we expect from this year’s Countdown?
Surprises! Come on, I’ve been doing this for a decade. I know I flop on a lot of promises, but in the nine previous Halloween Countdowns, I only really flopped once. Believe me, I want big things for Dino Drac’s first at-bat. Big huge bloody things.
Are you doing this on the blog, or as features, or what?
The Halloween Countdown is primarily a blog event, but there will be several new features added that fit the theme. Some of this stuff is going to be too good to bury in the blog archive.
Welcome to Dinosaur Dracula’s first-ever Halloween Countdown!
I know you were expecting a full tour of Iguana’s house, but I haven’t had a chance to complete it yet. My printer isn’t being cooperative, and without going into detail on why I need a printer to build a house for a paper lizard, I assure you that I absolutely do.
So that will have to wait.
For the moment, let’s knock out another edition of Vintage Vending. It seems just brainless enough for me to pull off on four hours sleep and with enough crud in my eyes to be 80% blind.
Button – Button, or so they called it. Likely released in 1990, this collection represents nearly everything I was obsessed with at the time. Honestly, if you replaced one of the Batman buttons with something from Gremlins 2, I’d have no choice but to marry this vending machine teaser card.
Of the dozen buttons featured, only one would’ve been a disaster for me – and no, it isn’t Madonna. It’s that “Born to Shop” deal. Aside from being a generic fool in a sea of licensed glories, a predisposition for shopping was not something I’d have been comfortable advertising.
Before I dive into the others, let’s not-literally talk about the title of this display.
“Button – Button. Who’s got the buttons?”
I feel like that must be a play on a line from some song, but it’s not coming to me. The closest I can get is Jeepers Creepers.
“Jeepers, Creepers. Where’d you get them peepers?”
“Button – Button. Who’s got the buttons?”
It only works if you really, really want it to.
Actually, no, it doesn’t work at all. So all I’ve really established is that the umbrella title for these buttons was in no way a nod to Louis Armstrong. Sorry, Satchmo. Read More…
Before today, it’d been a long time since my last box of Froot Loops.
Don’t get me wrong. Froot Loops is great, but for me, it was always a rebound. If one of the cereals I really liked did something to piss me off, I’d slide back to Froot Loops for a bit, and then, when I was ready, try something new.
It’s tasty stuff and it’s been around forever, but there’s only so hard I can fall for a smug bird with a nose obsession. Noses are gross.
Still, I had a good reason to hop into Toucan Sam’s nest again. Look closely at the latest Froot Loops box, and you’ll spot it.
“You can make your own Toucan Sam.”
That’s how you do it, Kellogg’s. Toucan Sam may be an icon, but he’s also eerily similar to Generic Grandpa. This guy needs the boost, and I don’t need to consult Merriam-Webster to know that making Toucan Sam out of cut up cardboard is the exact definition of “boost.” Read More…