BFCDAW #4: Crabs of Christmas Island.

More Bullshit Filler Content Devised At Work!

This time, I painted the famous mass migration the Christmas Island red crabs.

Christmas Island is on the short list of places I need to visit at least once before I die. (It has to be before — that much I am adamant about.) Between these crabs, the larger coconut crabs (SWOON) and the fact that it’s an island named after Christmas, no flight is too long and no expense is too great. When I retire, I will live among the Christmas Islanders and spend my waning days wondering why I wasted my good ones elsewhere.

Also, since I have so many working days between now and Christmas, BFCDAW posts are going to be a necessity. And, honestly, I just really like painting bad pictures. There may be two dozen more posted between now and Christmas. Deal with it.

  • Scott

    Your retirement plans make me want to retire right now.

  • Matt

    Look the place up. Even down to the mishmash culture, it sounds like paradise in every conceivable way. If there is a bad side to Christmas Island, I don’t want to know about it.

  • Review the World

    I want a Christmas Island red crabs crabcake. My biggest getaway at work is sneaking in reading movie reviews and stuff I e-mail to myself. Oh, and I Instragram’d a picture of the Last Son of Kypton invading my department the other night.

  • Rev. Bob Ross 13

    I appreciate your judicious use of the spraypaint tool. I always overdo it.

  • Sarah

    Between this and Snobot, I think you should sell holiday cards. I’d certainly buy a pack of cards with a snowman-robot on them, or cards that told of the wonders of Christmas Island and its coconut crabs.

  • JohnV

    Keep the BFCDAWs coming. One horse sleigh? What happened to “open”? :)
    When you retire to Christmas Island you can post about the swarms of red crabs and how Coconut crabs are awesomely huge.

  • Annette

    I read that Wikipedia article about the red crabs. Apparently “yellow crazy ants” has been killing the crabs. Ants are such assholes. Also “yellow crazy ant” sounds like an insult.

  • Annette

    HAVE. HAVE been killing. Dammit.

  • Matt

    I like most ants but any ant that negatively affects Christmas Island crabs is an ant that must be squashed.

    I’ve been on a crazy crab kick lately — I think to the point where I need to seriously investigate land crab pets. I don’t care if I have to give up my bedroom to tank/cage space. I WANT LOTS OF CRABS, nyuk nyuk.

  • Annette

    …I can’t. I can’t do it. Someone else make some crab jokes.

  • JohnV

    There are two crabs on the beach and one of them is crying.
    The other one asks what’s wrong and the crab replies, “I think I’ve got peoples.” …Ba dump ching!

  • gralf

    having you write about so many things I love and then having you also share my obsession with Christmas Island and Coconut Crabs is just too much for me to handle… Do you still have that taxidermy coconut crab you were using as the advent calender was going down in flames?

  • Matt

    Of course I do! Two of them! In a place of prominence.

  • drew do

    I guess “lately” must me a very subjective term for you. Seems to me you’ve been “on a crazy crab kick” for the last several years. :)

  • Skip Howdy

    I feel like the crabs forced you into choosing a red for those christmas hats that simply misses the mark of “Christmas Red.”


  • Matt

    C stands for crabs

  • Skip Howdy


  • Church

    Crabs are amazing beasts but those coconut crabs are downright demonic…it’s like something out of a Silent Hill video game…yeesh!

    Matt, I know you’re into the Tiki stuff so click my name and check out the Tiki toothpick holders I found today…complete with Tiki-headed toothpicks.

  • Joker

    One or two crabs seem ok, but a swarm of them is gross. Ewww

  • Dan

    Well, I’m glad you specified that no flight is too long or too expensive. I’ve been to Christmas Island, and it cost more to get from Perth to the island than it did to get from Washington, DC to Sydney. Also, the airport on the island isn’t equipped for instruments-only landings, which means if it gets foggy they can’t land there and you bought a flight to Indonesia instead. But once you’re there, it really is a great place, and I do seriously recommend making the effort to get out there at some point. I don’t know if there’s a length limit on these, or if you’d rather find out for yourself when you go, so I won’t ramble on here, but I assume as the webmaster you can see the email address attached to this comment, so feel free to write if you want some stories/pictures.

  • cmjsrevihc

    I can’t think about crabs without thinking of that photo you posted a few years ago of the huge land crab clinging to that woman’s garbage can in Hawaii. The very idea that you might go outside in the morning to find one that gigantic just lazily clinging like a spider is crazy. (I’m pretty sure it was posted here. Also, just had to correct my typos where the word crabs had come out as carbs. Although I’m sure giant carbs hang around Hawaii too)

  • Church

    *gasp*…LOVE the header!

  • starwenn

    First of all, Matt, your crabs are really cute. ;)

    Second, the header is awesome. I love gingerbread myself, so I don’t blame Santa Drac for getting hungry. Well done!

  • Ultraman

    This Christmas island sounds like a paradise on Earth. I too must visit this place before I die. Also, nice picture. It seems there have been more than a few posts while I was away. I must catch up.

  • FungusMungus

    chair boat stamp Jupiter

    It’s like the Island of Misfit Crabs. This thought makes me unreasonably happy.

  • M.Oleman

    Is it just me or does that one crab in the middle look a little like Donald Pleasance?

  • Kaz

    I am living your dream. Retired on Christmas Island. Rained yesterday and the red crabs are on the march. Some are even wearing their Christmas hats!

  • Goob

    I knew a girl growing up named Christmas Winterhouse. I would say more but I am afraid her googling her name would bring her to this post. She was very pretty though.

  • Thorzul

    Keep doings these. Like, an albino ferret later in the week.

  • Heather

    Those are the cutest crabs in santa hats I have ever seen!!!