Holiday Chips Ahoy Cookies!

I’d originally intended to bridge Dino Drac’s Halloween and Christmas seasons with some non-holiday “neutral” posts, and while I’ll still probably do that, this couldn’t wait.

Google tells me that Holiday Chips Ahoy aren’t new for 2012, but tonight was the first time I’d even seen them, and if I could paint a picture of that moment, you’d see me with a head-wide smile, rendered in acrylics.

Look, I’m trying to keep my Christmas madness in check. The explosion will come soon, but I know it isn’t time for it yet. Cookies like these are no help at all. I can’t look at this package and not get the immediate urge to cue up that one Paul McCartney song everybody but me hates.

The bag (Can we call this a bag?) is terrific, mixing a snowy white base with icy blue wintry things. You may take the “Holiday” moniker to mean that these are nondenominational Chips Ahoy cookies, but actually, they’re more like all-denominational Chips Ahoy cookies. Looking over the bag’s various slogans, we’re wished a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah and a happy Kwanzaa.

I have a feeling I may have misinterpreted the meaning of “denominational.” You’ll live.

The package’s decorative symbols go along with that theme. There’s Christmas’s tree, Hanukkah’s menorah, and Kwanzaa’s “unity” thing, which looks a bit like two paper clips. I dig it.

I should confess that I’ve flip-flopped on the “Christmas vs. Holiday” issue. After spending so many years screaming “CHRISTMAS” at audiences partly composed of folks who do not celebrate it, I’ve come to accept “Holiday” as a fair-for-all necessity. Nabisco was right to pander so broadly.

The cookies are handsome. Each looks like an alien world. Mixing regular chocolate chips with festive red, green and white chips, they’re as picturesque as they are delicious.

Ever hear of lac bugs? Kerria lacca, if you want to get technical. The females of that species secrete the resin we use to make shellac. Lac bugs have existed for millions of years, but I remain firm in the belief that God created them just so I’d have some way of preserving Holiday Chips Ahoy cookies in 2012. I can’t eat them forever, but with a quick dip in bug juice, I can look at them until the day I die.

Sensing that a photo of a bag and a photo of a cookie would not give this entry enough visual appeal, I went ahead and made Holiday Chips Ahoy ice cream sandwiches.

Good ones, too. I used peppermint ice cream, which had crushed bits of red and green candy pieces swimming around in it. Then I dipped the sides into bowls of sugar crystals, because if you’re already eating two cookies and a giant spoonful of ice cream, you might as well go all-in.

The results were dangerous. Like I mentioned, I’m trying to keep my Christmas spirit in check. If the sight of the Chips Ahoy package had me rocking out to Paul McCartney, the sight of these sandwiches has me halfway up the attic stairs, looking for the box marked “manger.” DANGEROUS.

But maybe there’s another way to look at this. Maybe the sugar-dipped Chips Ahoy sandwiches helped me ladle off the excess. Maybe doing this now will help me get through the next week or two without doing too much more.

We’ll see, I guess. If the next post is about how I always wanted the baby turtles from My Blue Heaven, then it worked. If the next post is a tribute to Uncle Louis, we’re all fucked.


61 Responses to Holiday Chips Ahoy Cookies!

  1. I’m happy to get this little bite. I’m kinda hoping you can stave off the hunger for another week or two, but I won’t be that upset if you don’t.

  2. I’m gonna try. I kinda want to go into it a little more softly. (Which is why I reverted back to the original DD design rather than jumping straight into Christmas.)

    Also, I don’t know what my work schedule is going to be like this month and won’t until next week, so a soft launch seemed smarter.

    I really do think I’m gonna write about those MBH turtles, though.

  3. The Chips Ahoy look good, like almost home made. The packaging makes me think they’d be delicious after ice skating. Perhaps with the McSteven’s Vampire Red Hot Chocolate that I acquired.

    Shoppers Drug Mart here in Canada apparently started playing Christmas music in all their stores on Nov. 1st, and 2600 people complained on their fascebook page or something, so they took it to heart and are going to delay the festive music until a few weeks from now.

  4. Do the bit about the turtles. I don’t think I’ve ever known any one else who’s watched My Blue Heaven. I remember anticipating that movie on VHS because anything with Rick Moranis in was usually a winner.

  5. I’m respectful and understanding of people who don’t want to be hammered with Christmas this early, even if I do. (Hey, I start Halloween in September. Christmas deserves two months, too!)

    Then again, Christmas has a way of completely taking over *everything* once it hits, so a small delay isn’t the worst thing in the world. I like the sound of “11/15″ as an officially OK date to go nuts.

    And yeah, I love MBH. One of my all-time favorite movies.

  6. Oh yay! Before I read ANYTHING, I just want to say that I am so glad others are awake, as I too am using this extra hour to stay up later, as opposed to sleeping in longer….well, actually I am staying up later, AND sleeping in longer. But with less guilt, cuz the clock will say it’s an hour earlier, so I didn’t slept THAT late….if anyone knows what I mean.

    OK, going to read. Thanks, Matt.

  7. We went to Target today and it was a bit jarring to see all the Christmas decorations up. And then to see the little Halloween clearance ghetto stuck in between an aisle of Christmas cards and one of fake trees.

  8. Those I have to try to make. Again, not so good in the kitchen but I think I can pull this off.

  9. A little disappointed by how Halloween ended (could’ve used one more “bang”), but I’ll live.

    ♩Sim-ply hav-ing…♩

  10. I was so happy to see this post…just a little bite before full-on Christmas is nice. I am pumped for Christmas but I don’t want to get burned out so I think the 11/15 dates sounds great. That is most likely when my tree will be up anyway so with the tree & DD it will be OFFICIAL!

    By the way, good to know I’m not the only one who likes that Paul McCartney song.

  11. Well this made my day! I am making a case that Thanksgiving and Christmas really blend into one. We do more Christmas activities on Thanksgiving so it never bothers me about around now to go ahead and get into the spirit.
    I’m drinking Christmas coffee this morning, shopping on the ol’ iPad and watching Marc Summers Unwrapped about Thanksgiving. It aired yesterday so even Marc Summers knows its okay to be excited.
    Oh…and the cookies are handsome.

  12. The Halloween Decorations of the site aren’t here anymore and I didn’t even notice. Or wait, isn’t this me noticing it? Speaking of the site, is the email requirement really necessary at keeping the spam at bay? It’s not keeping ME at bay but I hope I’m not causing some kind of inbox conundrum because I keep redirecting the field back to this site.

    RE: Cookies. They are very handsome indeed and they really make me look forward to my first Kwanzaa, that I just decided I was going to celebrate. Also, I’m glad to know your red and green sprinkles also come in two different kinds of containers despite being the same brand. It’s the same at my house and it’s really bugged me over the last few years as to how this could have happened.

  13. or “sugar crystals” rather. I guess sprinkles are more like tiny pills.

  14. I used “fall back” to get more sleep. Good thing too because I woke up about 30 minutes ago and couldn’t go back to sleep.

    I’m not ready for Christmas, but then again, I never am. Those cookie sandwiches sure look good, though.

  15. Let the games begin!

  16. I found a bottle of those green sugar crystals lying in a parking lot.

    All I need now are the cookies and ice cream.

  17. That song is my favorite Christmas song!

  18. With the all the craziness left behind here in the aftermath of Sandy I don’t mind a early jump on Christmas. In fact I’m going to be putting up Christmas decoration early this year as I won’t have a lot of free time this month to drag it out. Damn Matt those “holiday” cookies sandwiched with peppermint ice cream are getting my Christmas juices flowing! :). Oh and thanks for getting “that” song stuck in my head now….

  19. I have no idea what Paul McCartney song you guys are talking about and am getting a real mixed vibe on whether or not I should look it up.

  20. I was all ready to passively enjoy these cookies through you, Matt, but then you went and made those sandwhiches. NOW I MUST CONSUME THEM.

  21. NOOOOO! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It makes me sad to see Christmas steamroll it :(

    I like these cookies though. I hope you’re inspired to do a few TG themed articles though!

  22. Just picked up “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Collectors Edition Monopoly” (and a pile of ornaments) yesterday, so bring on Christmas!

  23. I had the new Holiday Mint Mcflurry at McD’s yesterday….Errr Mehr Gerhhhd so so so awesome!…I think they used like mint flavored bark or some kind of snocaps without sprinkles type candy…oh it was Christmas in a cup!!!

  24. Those Chips Ahoy! Look really good by store cookie standards. We’re starting Chrstimas around Nov. 15th here as well. Every winter my dad has a doctor’s appointment in San Francisco and my mom goes absolutely haywire making well over 1000 cookies for the whole (small) office. This year the appointment, you guessed it, November 15th!

    I am helping out as always so let cookie making hell begin. It’s pretty cool because she always picks old standbys and then a bunch of new recipes to try out as well so it gets interesting. There is literally a 25 lb. bag of flour and two 10 lb. bags of sugar lying in wait. Not to mention the dozen bags of different types of chips. It gets intense.

    I’m gearing up for my favorite LTO cookie to come out… Peppermint Joe Joe’s from Trader Joes. I’m on a low sugar diet (self imposed) but hell if I am going to make it through unscathed. I have to get at least one box. I’m just glad the nearest TJ’s is 85 miles away it helps keep that craving at bay since I can’t just swing around the corner and nab another box. If you’ve never had Peppermint Joe Joe’s Matt, you should give them a try.

    I’ve never seen My Blue Heaven so I did the IMDb boogie (FYI you’re the second link for MBH on Google right now). I HAVE to see this movie now. It was filmed in SLO, Atas, and Paso! I have a dear friend that lives in SLO and I spend a lot of time in the area so I’d love to see a movie featuring that lovely slice of Central Cal. San Diego as well since I lived there so I can see the Hotel Del and SD city too. Marymount College TOO which literally just rented property in my tiny dumpy town to open a 4 year university in a very cool historic building. Yeah, I need to see this movie.

    I absolutely abhor that Paul McCartney song so stave it off Matt, stave it off. I do have a confession: I feel guilty as hell right now. I am usually good about waiting for Christmas but I picked up a terrible vintage angel decoration and some vintage Christmas cards already. *hangs head* I worked retail so the Christmas Creep really gets me worked up and grumbling and hissing about waiting till Black Friday.

    The big no no for me is I refuse to imbibe any form of eggnog until Thanksgiving Day. My grandma would always crack it open at Thanksgiving and I just can’t break tradition and cheat. It keeps it special that way. I’m a sicko and a total eggnog junkie so it’s hard to wait when places like Jack in the Box rolled out their damn holiday shakes before Halloween was over! (I guess nog’s my holiday strangeness since I don’t have the Paul McCartney song issue and I don’t know anyone other than me that likes the stuff).

  25. I really don’t mind anymore that Christmas encroaches on Thanksgiving but it still feels too soon to get into the spirit. Hell, I still have my fake Jack-o-lantern at my window. I guess I feel a little bit cheated on Halloween with that damn storm knocking my power out. I plan on going to Jersey on Monday since the Governor postponed Halloween until then.

    Still, the cookies are a great find and I’ll be looking out for them. Good post!

  26. My favorite Christmas song is I’ve got a boner for Christmas by Nerf Herder. Just sayin’

    I love soft Chocolate Chip cookies. The rainbow chip Jack in the Box cookies are so good I had them the other day. They aren’t like the real thing of course but they do when you are too lazy to make them.

  27. Having already seen Halloween decorations get put on clearance so that stores could put out Xmas items a WEEK BEFORE Halloween even happened (I’m looking at you, Joann Fabrics), there is no shock whatsoever to seeing holiday (nee Christmas)-related items in the wee opening days of November. Go all out, man. Bring it on.

    Also Matt: you know, it’s dangerous to get too close to those ice cream sandwiches. Because you could melt all that… stuff. Or something.

  28. Hey Matt! Can I ask you a question — you seem to review a lot of junk food for the holidays, yet on your videos you don’t seem to show any side effect of said food? How do you do it? (I know that for stuff that you do on the site, you have to automatically eat it or throw it away. . .)

  29. Matt,

    Hate to add to the “itch”, but I found me some Oreo Gingerbread cookies (if somebody mentioned these before, sorry, didn’t have time to read over the past comments), and just ate ‘em today in the morning. All I have to say is these are better than the Candy Corn Flavor from the last “holiday season”.

    Dude, if there ever was a bridge between the 2 seasons, the aforementioned story of how you got thrown out of ECW would definitely be perfect a la Star Trek TNG Season 3 to 4 (for those who don’t know, this is when Captain Picard was captured by the Borg (Season 3) and later rescued (Season 4)), one of the-best-cliffhangers-ever.

    Take it easy on the Christmas season so you don’t burn out, we’ll all be here.

  30. Magnus…they’re that good huh? I guess I will have to cave and get them.

  31. I also love that Paul McCartney song. It has started the Christmas Jukebox forever and therefore is usually the first song I listen to each season. LOVE IT!

  32. I also love that song. I think it’s gotta be an 80′s kid thing. Only we were born with such tolerance for synthesizers. I was born in 78, so it’s somewhere in there for most of us I think.

  33. Those ice cream sandwiches look very tasty. As for me, I’m slowly, but surely getting into the Christmas spirit. As for saying Merry Christmas vs. happy holidays, I have always, and will always say Merry Christmas. Deal with it. I also write the word Christmas onto packages of Christmas food that say happy holidays. I’m not joking. Seriously.

  34. Hey Matt, have you seen the Falk themed Gingerbread Oreo Cookies? Click nu name for a picture.

  35. So many typos… That will teach me to post while day drinking.

  36. Had my first sip of eggnog today. Yum. Also bought some Pumpkin Spice, Red Velvet, and Chocolate Mint milks from Prairie Farms.

  37. I dislike both Simply Having etc. etc. and that War is Over song. The former is grating to me– not because of the synth, I love synth, it’s just that it feels like it goes on forever. The latter…well, you see, I have this thing with children singing off-key. No sir, I don’t like it.

    I want pumpkin pie. And some of the cranberry relish my husband’s grandmother makes. I could eat that stuff with a spoon all by itself.

  38. Yaaaaaay Christmas! I packed up Halloween this weekend and am looking forward to Christmas festivities. I already have two decorations up — a Santa Spongebob gel window cling on my front door window and a Bumble with a Christmas tree on the back door window.

    Those cookie sandwiches look festively delicious. Ugh. This is why I’m having most of my stomach surgically removed. :/

  39. KingJLA — flavored holiday milk?? I would be all over that. Awesome.

    See….THIS is when I start to get really angry that we Canadian have already had our Thanksgiving. I DO like having it at the beginning of fall, as it kind of ushers in autumn, but MAN, do I feel left out at this time of year, and am so happy my birthday is in November, or else November would be seriously lacking in the ‘holiday’ department.

  40. This year is weird for me. Every year I get on the same rant about retail shoving Christmas down our throats early, and while I am tired of seeing it before Halloween, this year is a little different. I think it has something to do with just decorating for holidays. I think Halloween actually got me amped for Christmas. Just the idea of looking forward to a holiday is keeping me going. I kind of don’t want that feeling to stop this year, so I’ve lumped it all together and I’m ready to go. I’m ready to put out decorations right now. Bring on the turkey. Blast the synthesizers. This is my favorite time of the year and I don’t really want a break in holidays right now. Let’s do this.

    Part of the reason why I love this time of the year is my birthday’s thrown in there too. It was on Friday and I like to refer to it as Halloween’s low budget, direct-to-video sequel. My dad scored a serious haul of vinyl records over the weekend and he sets up at the flea market almost every Saturday. He was going to sell them all, but said I could pick through them and pull out anything I wanted, and he would sell the rest. Here’s my SERIOUS BIRTHDAY VINYL HAUL:

    FUNKADELIC
    Let’s Take it to The Stage

    DEVO
    Freedom Of Choice

    JUDAS PRIEST
    Screaming for Vengeance

    KISS
    Peter Criss
    Ace Frehley (2 of the 4 solo albums they put out in ’78)

    AC/DC
    Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
    Back In Black
    For Those About To Rock

    IRON MAIDEN
    The Number of the Beast
    Piece of Mind

    BLACK SABBATH
    Black Sabbath
    Master of Reality
    Vol. 4
    Mob Rules
    Live Evil

  41. I, too, packed up Halloween this weekend…but given all the financial trouble I’m having and my recovering ankle, I’m not sure if I’m feeling in any kind of spirit right now, never mind Christmas. Though peppermint ice cream cookie sandwiches might taste good.

  42. yep lac make shallac but the red in the cookies might come from a bug called cochineal. probably fake red dye but it could be cochineal bug food coloring. i like to think the red in the red&green is bug-derived dont u. :)
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cochineal

  43. I am starting to become annoyed with people that say “I don’t know if anybody mentioned this because I cannot read any of the comments because I am lazy/don’t have time” and then they mention something everybody else has mentioned.

    Also the whole it’s not Happy Holidays it’s Merry Christmas thing. Other people are from different backgrounds and cultures. Saying it should be Merry Christmas is in a way saying everybody should be like you and believe in what you believe in and that is very disturbing to me. I celebrate Christmas because it’s fun. I keep it very secular. When I have a kid they will celebrate it how I do. But whatever makes other people happy as I always say. What if you were Jewish? Wouldn’t it be annoying to see Christmas everywhere? People never think about how other people feel. Just how they feel. I think companies should name products whatever they feel comfortable naming them. Ok rant over.

    DJ D Nice!! I have records I need to sell too. Not as cool as AC/DC lol. They are from an estate sale, so it is more like Olivia Newton John and Lenny Dee. I bought everything in the box for 29 dollars, and I already sold something for 30 out of that box. So everything else would be profit.

    Just curious, how much is your Dad selling them for? Do you know? Thanks.

  44. I like shitty junk food as much as the next guy, but I can’t get behind peppermint ice cream. Without the candy bits, I could see how it might be delicious, but those crunchy, glass-like candycane pebbles are too much to stomach.

    Love the review, though. Keep up the great work, Matt.

  45. I’m a bit relieved that only one person felt the need to soapbox his/her exclusion of all holidays that are not Christmas. Why not just say Happy Holidays during the Holiday SEASON and say Merry Christmas ON Christmas, Happy New Year on New Year’s, Happy Chanukah to those who celebrate on any of the nights of Chanukah…. To say Merry Christmas exlusively for several weeks just seems like a jerk thing to do, like you’re proving that you have zero acknoweldgement of anyone who isn’t just like you. “Happy Christmas to you…and you…but not you.” (oh snap. Now I’m on a soapbox – sorry!)

  46. Those ice cream sandwiches look great! And you really can’t go wrong with Chips Ahoy!. And I am with the others who like that Paul McCartney song. It’s actually one of my favorite Christmas songs.

  47. Goob: He mostly had them marked somewhere between $10-20, depending on the record. He had a lot of Bee-Gees stuff, some Grand Funk Railroad, Abba and a few bands I’d never heard of. That’s what was left over after I picked out all my stuff.

  48. DJ D Ok thanks. I think I would do that then have a sign that says if you buy 5 then it’s 25 or something like that. Our local Goodwill has a sign that says 5 for .99 cents over the VHS tapes even though they are .99 cents a piece. I never see more then one at a time that I like lol.

  49. HA! Now I know I’m not the only one that likes Paul’s Christmas song…”Simply having a wonderful Christmas time!”

  50. Halloween decorations are just about all packed up. I guess I’ve had enough but on the other hand I never seem to do all the Halloween things I want to do. It’s all over.
    But I have to recount this tale of victory wherein I was able to get a bargain on close out merchandise.
    Rite Aid had a really nice skeleton which looks surprisingly real and I was able to pick it half price a few days before Halloween. I was wating for it to go on sale so I kept stopping in and prowling around suspiciously marking my time by pretending to look at the price of deodorant or toothpast or adult diapers. Finally on the monday before the 31st I went in to the store to find Mr Skelly gone. I held down my tears and was about to chalk it up to another disappointment in life when I saw him in a shopping cart at the end of the registers.
    “Is the skeleton for sale?” I inguired.
    Judy, the very nice saleswoman working the register didn’t question a grown man wanting to purchase a fake skeleton, she just told me that it was being held for a customer.
    “Maybe I’ll stop in tomorrow to see if it’s still there” I said. Then I purchased a Heath bar because I love toffee more than I love my teeth.
    The next afternoon I did indeed stop in and lo and behold there was Mr Skelly laying in the same cart full of returns.
    Apparently the customer who wanted him had not returned but had called in again requesting he be held for one more day.
    I didn’t push the issue but the manager, seeing the desire in my eyes and the wad of cash in my hand sold it to me. “Halloween’s tomorrow” she said.
    “I can’t hold it any longer for someone who might not show up.” She also gave me a free bag of candy for not getting angry when I couldn’t buy it the first time.
    So it’s on my front porch now. I intend to put a plastic turkey drumstick in it’s hand for Thanksgiving and a Santa Cap on it’s head for Christmas. Maybe I’ll even put an empty bag of those Chips Ahoy cookies on the chair next to him and glue a few crumbs to his teeth.
    And now whenever I pass that store I think about the woman who didn’t get the skeleton and I feel bad. Maybe I should have gone for joint custody.

  51. Goob,

    I get what you’re saying, but that’s kind of like if you created a holiday to celebrate Ninja Turtles and called it Mutagen Day, and it caught on and everyone celebrated Ninja Turles, then years later someone comes along and starts saying that they’re going to call it “Alien Salamander Day.” They can call it whatever they want, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was created with a specific purpose and with a specific name, and you wouldn’t be wrong to to tell them that it’s Mutagen Day, not Alien Salamander Day.

    Let Christmas be what it was meant to be when it began, and let the other holidays during that time be what they’re supposed to be, but don’t try to force Mutagen Day into being Alien Salamander Day.

  52. I’ve found that the Jewish folk I know really don’t give a shit about “Happy Holidays” vs. “Merry Christmas”. Rather, they seem to prefer what I prefer: have the Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah stuff sit side by side, but don’t dilute both by grouping them together. As for Kwanzaa, I am very much against it. The creator of the holiday (Maulana Karenga) tortured black women and (presumably) murdered fellow black men. Not to mention his intention of the Holiday was to drive african-americans away from Christmas and Hanukkah. Africans who look at the customs of Kwanzaa have said its just a cluster of words and imagery that have no real meaning to Africans. I’ve yet to meet an african-american who celebrates it anyway. :P

    /soapbox

  53. Barry, that sums it up pretty well.

  54. I generally say Happy Holidays. I choose to say it because I am wishing others a happy season and I don’t know what they celebrate usually. Why would I wish a stranger who may or may not celebrate Christmas a Merry Christmas? I think it tends to be kind of pretentious to wish everyone a Merry Christmas just because you happen to celebrate it. If I know what they celebrate I say the specific greeting, otherwise for strangers it’s Happy Holidays!

  55. Barry I knew a black kid in high school that celebrated it. One kid said what do you do for Christmas? He said he didn’t have Christmas he had Kwanzaa. And this other kid said what is that I have never heard of it. And he pretty much said it was like Christmas. With food and presents.

    I am an Atheist so like I said before my Christmas is very secular. And I know I have met people that assume you believe in God. And when you say you don’t they are very shocked because they assume everybody does and are like them. Which is offensive to me. Then after that happens they see you in a different way. Not to get on another rant lol but people like to think that the reason why I am an Atheist is so I can do what I want without any consequence. They obviously don’t know me that well and how my conscious works. But because of my beliefs I would not deprive my child of a Christmas. And besides I celebrate it because it’s fun.

    Ok that’s it, I won’t continue arguing about it. I don’t want to run this discussion into the ground. I just think it’s arrogant and immature to say I need it my way and not anybody else’s way. They need to conform to what I want.

  56. I don’t mind that some people like to say happy holidays, but they apparently mind that I and lots of other people like to say Merry Christmas. Oh well, tough titty! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

  57. lol…Ultraman, you cray-jay but I agree with you. :) I shout Merry Christmas like George Bailey running down the snowy streets of Bedford Falls! If someone doesn’t celebrate Christmas, that’s up to them but don’t be “that person” who makes a huge deal because someone says “Merry Christmas” to you. It’s like people want to be a bummer to everyone else. If I know someone celebrates another holiday and I can remember what it is, I’ll say “happy – insert holiday here” but if I don’t I say Merry Christmas.

  58. Thanks for fixing the XE Christmas Jukebox. I really missed it.

    Just finished listening to Charo’s rendition of Feliz Navidad.

  59. I brought these cookies a few days ago, and they’re addicting, as in “I can’t stop eating them!”.

  60. I’m going to try and make those this weekend

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