Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Chia Pet!

I normally pay attention to Chia Pets only around Christmas, but since I was so busy a few months ago, I didn’t get to keep up the tradition. Maybe this is why I’ve felt so hollow. Thank God for the Ninja Turtles.

Spotted just last night, it’s the official Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Chia Pet, which I think we can take as proof positive that Nickelodeon’s new series is doing pretty well.

I’ve barely paid attention to the new show. Don’t yell at me. I’ve already heard about how great it is, and about how it’s such a perfect balance of nostalgia and new hotness, and about the unlimited extra-vowel Krangs. I’ll get to it, and I’ll love it.

Still, I have to admit that the show’s success took me by surprise. This isn’t the first time TMNT has been brought back, and with all previous attempts, it never seemed to truly click. With the new series, you can’t say the same. I haven’t looked up the ratings or anything, but the fans are obviously there, and they’re not treating it like “just another show.”

How can I put this? The new series just seems so revered.

I have seen all of the toys, of course, and they’re great. You’ll never catch me admitting that the new figures are better than the ones I grew up with, even if my brain knows that they are. In particular, I’m impressed with how creative the new line has been. It’s anything but barebones, and anything but rushed. What could’ve been the simplest doodads were approached with such wacky gusto, and even from afar, from “show” to “stuff” and everything in between, it’s easy to see that the new Turtles are firing on all cylinders.

And yeah, now they have a Chia Pet.

Lacking weapons or color, I’m not sure which Ninja Turtle it’s meant to represent. Smart money is on Mikey, I guess. Perhaps someone who knows more about Nick’s Turtles will point out that the stitching on the elbow pad confirms this as a different character. It’s here where I’ll admit that while I claim to welcome corrections, I really don’t.

No matter which Turtle, he looks great. The terracotta figurine has a good amount of detail, even nailing the weird mouth. We’ve come a long way from the era of bloated testicles with ram heads and peg legs.

I used to fear Chia Pets, but not anymore. I finally have them down to a science.

The trick is easy: Just follow the instructions. Don’t make up your own instructions as you go along, as I so often did. Believe what the Chia people say, because if you’re going to listen to anyone about raising a Chia Pet, it should be a Chia person.

So, soak that planter for an hour. Don’t assume it’s a bullshit step. It isn’t.

And soak the seeds for an hour, too. Make sure you get the measurements right. Two teaspoons of seeds, and a fourth of a cup of water.

When it’s time to apply the seeds, use your fingers. Nothing works better on Chia Pets than fingers. Get those seeds in every groove, but be careful not to put too many. Clumps of Chia seeds never grow right.

You won’t need all of the seeds, or even close to all of them. This means you’re going to have to sacrifice a big pile of gelatinous goo. Deal with it. Chia seeds are cheap. Don’t treat them like diamonds.

The most important thing is the loose plastic bag. I cannot stress this enough. The instructions make it seem sort of optional, but unless you live within the one sunny patch of a tropical rainforest, you need the bag. This will improve humidity and moisture, ensuring fast and even growth.

I know it’s an ugly step, since it means you’ll be staring at a bag-covered Ninja Turtle for several days. Trust me, it’s worth it. You can take the bag off after the seeds sprout, so it’s not like you’ll be suffocating Michelangelo forever.

Part 1 of this story ends here. My Chia Pet will need some time before it stops looking like a Ninja Turtle covered in ticks. When it becomes beautiful, you’ll be the second person to know.

  • http://jasonvorhees.wordpress.com Jason

    Teddy Ray – I forget which episode it was, but Mikey says something about tattooing his face, and it shows his face from the original series. That is the only one that I can really remember. I have all the episodes on the dvr, so I can check for other references. I know there are more, because there are so many times I find myself noticing them(but can’t relay them, ya know?).

  • Bluejay

    I’ve only seen one episode of the new show but I liked it. I enjoyed hearing Greg Cipes as Mikey, since he played my favorite character Beast Boy in the Teen Titans cartoon. I grew up with the 80s Turtle cartoon so I love it best. I respect the 2003 one but I couldn’t really get into it, the turtles’ personalities seemed too same-y. (Though I suspect that that’s just because they were more subtle, and maybe because the lack of eye animation was hard to get used to? Maybe if I gave the show another chance I would like it).

  • http://www.knightcott-asylum.com Guise

    “Dude, they really need to make Roadwarriors (WWF) Chia Pets.” – Ultra Magnus 2005

    Are you thinking that the chia growth is the shoulder pads they came to the ring in? If so, I wholeheartedly agree. If you mean because of hairstyles, I’d go with Powers of Pain, personally.

  • http://derdave.tumblr.com/ DerDavenWarrior

    Watched the first 3 episodes of the new show last night. The voice work is top notch and I like the camaraderie between the turtles. Even thought all I’ve seen him do is give orders form the shadows, Shredder is positively badass. The only 2 things I didn’t like were the kraangs and the theme song.

  • http://boardwalkangel.blogspot.com/ starwenn

    I’ve only seen one episode at my dad’s house, but I did enjoy it. I also thought it was the right balance of goofiness and action. I haven’t seen the most recent movie or the 2003 cartoon, so I can’t make comparisons there. (I have TV, but not cable. I live alone. One person doesn’t need 500 channels.)

    While I have seen some of the action figures as well, this takes the merchandising cake. Whether it’s Donatello or Michelangelo, I hope it grows well. That figure is too sweet to not have a thick green growth on its back.

  • Humanary Stew(Buckley)

    I will have nothing to do with the new series. The reason? Just do a search on the tweets Jason Biggs sent out towards the end of last summer. And if you do, remember that the Nickolodeon website linked to the Twitter feeds of the the people involved in the show. That means kids could access his vile tweets.

  • Emily

    Maybe I am alone here but I happen to like the new TMNT theme song. It is very catchy and upbeat without being cheesy and my kids respond to it positively as well.

  • http://www.nyteworks.net LBD “Nytetrayn”

    “I have seen all of the toys, of course, and they’re great. You’ll never catch me admitting that the new figures are better than the ones I grew up with, even if my brain knows that they are.”

    I must admit: I’d really love to know what you think of the new Turtle figures that are updated versions of the old cartoon Turtles. “Classic Turtles,” I think they’re called.

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  • kingklash

    We need a Chia Dino-Drac!

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