Vintage Vending #4: Wacky Goulies!
If you thought the Vintage Vending series was taking a break during the Countdown, you have no future as a psychic. Some of those old prizes absolutely scream “Halloween,” and if you think I’m reaching, just take a look at this one: A macabre mix of Madballs and Ghoulies!
Meet the Wacky Goulies, a collection of “gross, ghoulish weirdos” with enough charm to magically transform all who view them into giant scented happy face erasers.
While the title and logo steal a page from the Ghoulies playbook, the toys are obviously inspired by Madballs. Consisting of rubber, semi-flat monster heads with suction cups on the backs, each Wacky Goulie can stick to glass for nearly seven whole seconds.
Look up “perfect” in the dictionary, and you’ll see a picture of a Delfa Roll. But if Delfa Rolls never existed, you’d see Wacky Goulies.
Every last one is a Madballs ripoff, and blatantly so. See the one-eyed gargoyle? The one that comes in purple AND green? That’s Hornhead.
And that weirdly small Wacky Goulie on the upper left, who looks like a melting man? Skull Face!
The teaser card dates them as a 1986 release. Suffice to say, had I found them at that time, my shit would’ve spent the last 25 years in a perennial state of flip.
240 words never won anyone a Pulitzer. Let’s see if we can get this to 500.
Here’s a more direct comparison between a Wacky Goulie and a Madball. This one was based on the Madball named Crack Head. (Later renamed “Bash Brain,” because no less than the president of the universe phoned AmToy to politely request that the things they sell to eight-year-olds not be named after drug addicts.)
Same exposed skull. Same giant eye. Same big mouth, which despite its bloody rawness still reminds me of an adorable peanut. This Wacky Goulie is definitely Crack Head!
Then, there’s this. Even if you disagree that “Wacky Goulies” is a Ghoulies ripoff in title alone, you can’t deny the similarities between these two images.
I’m much more into the Ghoulies sequels than the original, but it was always the first one that affected me most. As I’ve written before, the Ghoulies videocassette box cast a haunting pall over my entire childhood. I didn’t watch horror movies as a kid, or at least, I very rarely elected to. Still, every time we went to the local video store, I had to stare at that Ghoulies box.
A creature popping out of a toilet, wearing suspenders. It was a false assumption, but I grew up believing that there really was a film consisting of nothing but monsters eating people whenever the call of nature struck.
It wrecked me, but that wreckage came with a few butterflies. It was somehow exciting.
Okay, now look at the Wacky Goulies teaser card. Notice how the white text balloon looks a bit like a toilet? How this foreign creature, despite being flesh-toned and with hair, still has the green Ghoulie’s lips and eagle talons? I’m not making this stuff up.
It’s as perfect as a vending machine prize assortment could ever be, right down to the tagline: “Faces even a mother can’t love.” Grammatical, and yet it still makes it so apparent English was the copywriter’s sixteenth language.
And they even put the “25 cent” thing within the classic vending machine rainbow diamond! I love that!
Hey look, it’s Screamin’ Meemie. Meemie was the Madball who looked like a baseball. In the Wacky Goulies universe, baseballs are grape flavored. Perhaps that was how they lured children through their inter-dimensional portal. I too would leap at a floating spiral on the promise of grape baseballs. Of course, once we get there, the Wacky Goulies kill us and stew our meat.
And they really do stick to glass surfaces, even extremely filthy ones.
Word Count: 654.
That Pulitzer was obviously based on Oculus Orbus.
I would have never caught that those were madball ripoffs. Still, they’re pretty awesome. I’d buy that out of a vending machine.
This is basically a conglomeration of things that scared me as a child – madballs, ghoulies, the weird smell of quarter vending prizes….and yet still manages to be super awesome. Keep these reviews coming!
Right on target, like always! I want some of these nostalgic toys.
i always found it funny that no matter how popular a toy was you could almost always find a cheap vending machine knock off
I’m glad I wasn’t the only kid who got messed up by that Ghoulies VHS cover! It just blew my little kid mind that something could come UP the toilet and not just go down. It was like a breach of trust between me and the bathoom and I was scared to sit on the toilet for years!
Any half-decent writer can win the current year’s Pulitzer, but you went to the effort of reaching for the 1970 prize, thereby unseating Ada Louise Huxtable of The New York Times and her distinguished criticism of 1969. Well done, sir.
Uh…inspired by Madballs, I say blatant ripoff. To vending machines copyrights be dammed!
I remember seeing that Ghoulies VHS box on video rental store shelves for years but never rented it. I finally taped it off HBO and fast forwarded through most of it.
How disappointing was it to see Ghoulies after having been infatuated with the artwork, only to find that it was but a 2 second insert shot of Ghoulie popping out of the toilet. At least the second one delivered a bit more on the premise.
Similar sculpts and paint jobs also appear as full-size ripoff Madballs, which I learned the hardcore Madballs fan communities refer to as “Sadballs” but still love to collect. They’re kind of even harder to find.
I also learned there are still hardcore Madballs fan communities. Good.
AAAARGGH!!!
Don’t touch that. For within that Homeboy figurine reside the souls of TWO FOULMOUTHED REDNECKS!!!
That Ghoulies VHS box scared the daylights out of me as a child. Whenever I saw one of those standees things of it, I would go in the other direction. There is just something scary about it that that the other 80s horror icons didn’t have.
Guise: Marvel recently sorta revived him in two very good Marvel Max miniseries in the last couple years. I would seek them out.
Saw this and thought it was interesting, even though I didn’t have any of them:
http://www.mandatory.com/2012/09/04/toys-from-the-80s-worth-serious-cash?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl2%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D201334#photo=10
I liked madballs. I like these too. I remember as a kid, I was always getting stuff from the quarter machines, whenever I went to the grocery store.
I’m pretty sure Crack Head there is the Madball my father had when I was a little kid. He thought they were the best things ever. I thought differently. They creeped me the hell out. Of course, I was like 5 or 6 at the time.
I never owned an actual Madball, but I did have one or two of the knockoff vending machine ones. They weren’t like these Wacky Goulies, but instead were the size of a ping pong ball, made out of a hard plastic. I really liked the thing, with its poor smeary paint job and demented face. Since I’m a packrat, I most likely still have the thing in my room somewhere. Makes me want to tear through my room just to find it, haha.
I love Madballs and purchased the set when the reissued them a couple of years ago. Man, I used to go crazy for vending machine junk, especially something that resembled Madballs. So, where were you able to get these cards, Matt?
In other news, I’m watching the Roseanne Halloween episodes on YouTube while I do homework. Putting me in the mood for Trick r’ Treating!
Loving Vintage Vending!
As much as I loved Madballs, I think I would have still cottoned on that these were most likely highly toxic. I mean, they look awesome and all, but I feel like my hands would dissolve if I handled them for any length of time.
I would let them off the hook for the picture similarities: I think it looks more like any number of local musicians I used to know than a Ghoulie.
Bleck.
Ghoulies made me scared to sit on a toilet without looking first…for years. Add to that the Arachnophobia scene of the spider in the toilet. Nope.
Sorry, but I side with Mystie. Neither Madballs nor cult 80s horror is my thing. I would have passed on this one as a kid, even if my sisters went for it.
Mystie, said it.
I can understand “bleck” in response to the mock Ghoulie on the card, but not the fake Madballs. So I will forever assume that the bleck was for the mock Ghoulie.
Coffee at 11:30 is a terrible idea. Even if the site believes it’s 3:30.
I have no use for well placed commas.
I’ve been watching Ghost Hunters while working from home all day and have concluded that it’s a really dumb show. I have drank a shot of water every time they say “what was that?” or “did you hear that” with nothing caught on camera and I have no electrolytes left.
Didn’t Meatloaf appear on one of those episodes? I’ll never forget it. He was so random and the ghost activity was pretty much limited to a bottle of Pepsi changing positions off-screen.
I saw that one. He seemed too demanding. Much like this freak out on Busey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fG-tCfqUrL0&feature=related
God, Meatloaf would be a great barker for a carnival game. I’m thinking Frog Bog.
I would pay so much for that “after Gary Busey screaming match basketball bounce”art.
Too many hyphens.
As far as ghost hunters go, Ghost Provokers are my absolute favorite.
“You ever smear your own poo on a war hero’s tombstone to make his spirit show itself?” — Scott Butterfield
I think that says it all.
Hah! I found one of the ‘Crack Head’ faces on the street one day. Took it home and washed it off, and took it to every new job I had for many years.. Eventually his face withered into plastic shreds… I was heartbroken.
Had I known about Whacky Ghoulies I would have had some much fun, throwing them at my brother.What I would have enjoyed but was not allowed to have where boglins. Those were neat.
After watching that clip, I am looking at meatloaf a whole different way now.
“And they even put the “25 cent” thing within the classic vending machine rainbow diamond! I love that!”
I was going to say I loved that thing! I really don’t know why, but whenever I saw that, even today, it mesmerizes me. Its completely irrational.
I too didn’t watch much horror as a kid but every time we went to the video I loved to check out the horror movie box covers. And I was also mesmerized/horrified at the Ghoulies toilet monster.
Amazing to think that that VHS tape was $3.25 and an additional dollar each day!?! Our economy must’ve been booming at that time. That baby compares to today’s DVD/Blu-ray rental prices!
I miss my Madballs, I had a couple of those! I love every time you reference them!
Yes Matt money was good in the old days, now people are asking what is money, lol.