Creepy Commercials Countdown: Diet Coke Ghost!

The Creepy Commercials Countdown!
October 5th, 2012: “Diet Coke Ghost!” (1989)

This commercials rules. It rules in so many ways, I don’t know where to start.

I guess, out of respect for the dead, I’ll start with Madeline Kahn.

Okay, so the ghost in this ad? That’s Madeline Kahn. I won’t pretend to be some crazy Kahn fanatic who followed her career from start to finish, but dudes, SHE PLAYED MRS. WHITE IN CLUE, AND THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.

“Flames! On the side of my face…”

Madeline Kahn? In a haunted Coke commercial? I am SO glad this happened. And I’m SO glad she spent the entire commercial doing those funky high-pitched voice things, because if there was one thing Madeline Kahn kicked ass at, it was funky high-pitched voice things.

When she died in 1999, I was sad. Remember that secondary Cobsy show? Not THE Cosby Show, but the one that came sometime after it? The one simply called Cosby? Well, it sucked. It was rudderless, and Rudyless. Still, Madeline Kahn was on it, so I had to watch. After she passed, the show didn’t last for much longer.

Brother, that was no coincidence.

Larry P., who donated this ad, marked it “1989.” It may have still been in rotation by ’89, but from what I can tell, it debuted several years earlier. The flipside is that none of you care when the commercial came out. Hell, God knows if you’re even reading this. I bet I lost you somewhere in that clunky Cosby paragraph. I tried to fix it, but the damn thing is a house of cards.

Synopsis: Some yuppies search for their new home, and a creepy real estate agent tries to unload an obviously haunted house on ’em. Since looking at houses is exhausting, the yuppies lug a can of Diet Coke around.

Big mistake. A semi-translucent, glowing, shrieking, flying ghost lives in this house, and she absolutely loses her shit at the sight of Diet Coke. Ghosts just love the stuff. And they loved it even more during the ‘80s, when the cans were still as white as they were.

Ghostly Kahn practically orgasms at the taste. An acting ghost wouldn’t chew scenery like this again until no less than Vincent Schiavelli told Pat Swayze to get off his train.

The really sad thing? I’ve yet to mention a single actor who is still among the living. And don’t go bringing up Bill Cosby, because I didn’t reference him directly. At least, I’m pretty sure I didn’t. Frankly, I refuse to read that paragraph again. Ever.

Somehow, Madeline Kahn isn’t my favorite thing about the ad. No, that honor goes to the old style Diet Coke can. Seeing old soda on TV is one of my secret fetishes, and it never fails to right every wrong in the world.

Would you just look at it? Old Coke cans made such great coin banks. I can still hear the clings and the clanks. They were my favorite noises.

Happy Halloween.