Dinosaur Dracula!

Venus Flytrap Bog of Doom!

Yesterday morning, we drove out to God Knows Where, searching for some New Jersey farmers’ market I remembered visiting last year. I swore it was only twenty minutes away, but Sunday’s events proved otherwise.

Eventually, we found it. And, hell yes, they still had the same assortment of insanely hot peppers from last year. Lots of pumpkins, too. I even found enormous sweet potatoes. Honest to God, each was as large as a two-month-old child.

Somewhere in the middle of that, I saw the Venus Flytraps.

I know I wrote about them years ago, but so what? It’s not against the law to write about Venus Flytraps twice. Don’t tell me what to do. The last person who tried is now in me.

I guess we can blame a steady diet of grade school plant sales and VHS rentals of Little Shop of Horrors, but I never considered Venus Flytraps as normal plants, or even “plants” at all. To me, they’ve always been animals. They have emotions and personalities. They feel pain, and they appreciate those who keep them from experiencing it.

As you could guess, I bought a few new Flytraps.

After leaving the market, we ended up at some really bad strip mall’s really bad sushi joint. Their spicy tuna rolls had a mouthfeel comparable to Elmer’s glue, and the whole place reeked like a tackle shop. But that’s neither here nor there.

The point is, I spent the entire awful dining experience complaining that Ms. X wasn’t eating fast enough. I was unreasonably worried about leaving my Flytraps in the hot car. I really do view them as “pets.” Read More…

Sticky, Squishy Pumpkin Parts Kit!

My adventures in idiot blogging have brought many pumpkins to their doom.

There was the time I hammered Lite Brite pegs into one. Another time, I turned a pumpkin into the Trix Rabbit. Then there was the afternoon when one grew a clay face and Yoda arms.

This year, I hope to bring the total number into the triple digits.

On the other hand, this kit doesn’t really kill pumpkins. It just makes them look like gooey clowns.

Made by Pumpkin Masters, it’s the Kid’s Sticky, Squishy Pumpkin Parts kit — a title so cumbersome that I’ve already made the concrete vow to never type it again. You probably know Pumpkin Masters for their traditional “knife and scooper” sets, but I remember ‘em more for the kickass Pumpkin Hatchers I found last year.

Though there’s no way a bunch of jellied body parts could ever top that, I think it may come close. Read More…

Give up the ghost.

Just put up a new feature, detailing the evolution of Count Chocula across eight different cereal boxes from the 1990s. I’m especially fond of the holofoil wolf box.

I don’t like these little notices about new features to go to waste, so I colored you a Halloween picture.

See the little grey guy? That’s a haunted castle come alive. I don’t know why he’s so tiny. Maybe the other monsters are just really, really big.

The Icebusters Sno-Cone Machine.

Today, you’re going to see the spirits of the dead run a lemonade stand. TGIF!

Okay, so it isn’t a lemonade stand. It’s a snow cone stand.

The Icebusters Sno-Cone Machine, made by Lanard in 1985, was an incredibly strange attempt to steal shine from the Ghostbusters craze.

I’m not being a brat, right? This thing had to be inspired by Ghostbusters. Why else would they call it Icebusters? I understand that a snow cone maker technically does bust ice, but you really wouldn’t put it that way that unless you were trying to be Egon.

So we can agree that Ghostbusters was to blame. That’s freakin’ freaky. Some guy made the inconceivable mental leap from Ghostbusters to snow cones. I can only envision the steps between Point A and Z as a sea of disembodied animal heads, floating against a wall of wild, swirling colors. The existence of this machine was a complete slap in the face to 1985’s still-running “Just Say No” campaign, because damn, if drugs were gonna lead us from Ghostbusters to snow cones, inject me now and give me a lot. Read More…

Deadly Dollar Store Finds: 2012 Edition.

I had five bucks, and Dollar Tree was right there.

It’s funny. I’ve been doing the Countdown forever, and in years past, Dollar Tree was always my final resort. A last ditch effort to catch the Halloween spirit by way of frivolous spending, after every other store in a twenty mile radius let me down.

Well, no more. I don’t know what lit a fire under their ass, or asses, or maybe collective ass, but for the past few Halloween seasons, Dollar Tree has been killing it. So much good stuff!

The things I found today were wonderful with no asterisks. Not just wonderful in an “it’s only a dollar” sort of way. I think the fruits of my five dollar shopping spree (six if you count the background tablecloth) will prove it. Read More…