Apartment 7D.

APARTMENT 7D
Rented by: Baby Firefly
Co-signer: Am

Baby Firefly won’t tell me whether she’s named after her favorite character in House of 1000 Corpses or her favorite midnight snack. Either way, she is a terrible neighbor. She floods her downstairs neighbors’ apartments whenever she tries to make her pond deeper. She keeps rotting garbage everywhere to help attract flies. When she’s drunk, she loudly insists she was in the movie Frogs, and no amount of arguing that she was most certainly hatched after 1972 will make her shut up. Plus she plays “Chainsaw” by the Ramones at top volume every night at 3 a.m.

Everybody thinks we’re friends, but I’m only pretending because she’s blackmailing me.