Apartment 14D.
APARTMENT 14D
Rented by: A Veliciraptor
Co-signer: sucho
This apartment belongs to a velociraptor, no one properly knows his name because the hypoallergenic biodegradable ink he used smeared when he wrote it down in the registry. He’s very openly concerned about the dangers of hand-to-ink contact. It sort of looks like m–mb’£Ums. The other tenants are too polite to ask and fumble with “hey there you”s, “howdy neighbor”s and “buddy”s. The resident in 6c will even use “buckaroo”s. -mb’lums doesn’t mind. His apartment is defined by the cheaply avant-garde Ikea collection BLERBÖRG which he won in a raffle. Finding pieces to match is now his chief purpose in life, as BLERBÖRG did not have velociraptor proportions in mind. Beanbags have been his saving grace.
Focusing on this corner, we see one of -mb’lums most prized possessions, a pink neon sign saying I <3 NORGE. He still doesn’t know who or what norge is, but he can’t help but feel positive looking at it (58% more positive than the Hang in there Baby! poster previously there). He still loves NORGE even though it forced him to evacuate his apartment for 2 hours when the tubing cracked and he was afraid of mercury leakage. He’s seen the photos of what that does to your colon. He’s very concerned about colons. Also on the wall is a photograph of his ex girlfriend. He can’t bear to remove it. -mb’lums says a room just isn’t a room without at least one sensible looking photograph of lady, but he never makes direct eye contact with it.
Today happens to be the 40th birthday of -mb’lums’ Uncle Geoff, and with -mb’lums having the most robust furnishings of his kin, the responsibility falls on him to host the party. Being the good nephew he is, -mb’lums has decorated the cake to subtly warn his Uncle Geoff of the impending intervention about his gambling problem.
Also like a good nephew, he has set up the ‘office chair’ Geoff had sent to him from Tijuana. Its bright pink, smells of cloves and gasoline, and appears to have a rooster sprouting from a menacing dragon head. -mblums doesn’t like it very much, he’s unsure if the glue used is ethically sourced from non-horse products. He loves horses. -mblums is killing some time before his uncle arrives with a little of his favorite game, Oregon Trail. He will be the first to tell you it was so worth the trouble of getting it to work on his ’98 orange iMac. The upgrade from typing BANG to actual animated hunting is still enough to scare him. Its during one of these heart-fluttering sessions when -mblums hears a knock on the door! Is his uncle here early? He prepares his air-purifier floor fan for russian-strength cigars and opens the door.
Oh! its his big brother! Did he really have shore leave so soon? He’s come to warn -mblums that their uncle’s gambling intervention has been bumped up to today, with the counselor and family arriving shortly. -mblums quips, “i BET with today’s FULL HOUSE that the ODDS are he wont have a good birthday!”. His brother retorts, “yup, looks like he’s been dealt a bad hand!”
They have a hearty laugh together. Velociraptors love terrible jokes.
