Dino Drac’s 25 Days of Christmas!
Welcome to Dino Drac’s 25 Days of Christmas! From now through December 25th, I’ll be posting a little something, every single day. Remember to check back, because I won’t be plugging this often!
12/3: Merry Treat! (1989)
Meet Merry Treat, from the vintage My Little Pony collection. Hasbro officially christened her a “Christmas Pony,” which was a bit of a formality given her red-and-green mane and that giant Santa Claus tattoo on her ass.
While horsing around on the My Little Pony Wiki, I discovered that it was Merry Treat who remembered to leave milk and cookies out for Santa, thereby saving the other ponies from a terrible breach in holiday etiquette.
I admit that I don’t know much about the My Little Pony universe. I don’t know any of the other characters’ names, let alone their abilities or aspirations. Still, I’m convinced that even if I learned everything, Merry Treat would still be my favorite. She rules.
12/2: Christmas Evil! (1980)
I know it’s come up on the podcast once or twice, but I don’t think I’ve otherwise mentioned Christmas Evil on the site.
Released in 1980, it’s often billed as a slasher film, but I think it’s more of a psychological thriller. Christmas Evil is the story of a disturbed man who comes to believe that he’s the real Santa Claus – albeit one with a murderous streak, who isn’t afraid to strike the naughty down with a freakin’ pickaxe.
Brandon Maggart plays Harry, the would-be Santa, and is really impressive in the role. Harry is such a loser that you can’t help but feel some sympathy for him, even after he finally cracks.
I was introduced to Christmas Evil back in high school. It was one of those movies that made the rounds among the freaks, who couldn’t get over the film’s memorable bookends. (It starts with a flashback revealing that Harry’s Christmas-related trauma stems from seeing “Santa Claus” – his dad in a suit – sexin’ up his mother. And it ends with… well, I don’t want to spoil that part, but it’ll leave you with a few questions!)
Absolutely worth seeing, and it’s easy enough to find if you dig around.
12/1: Children’s Palace Circular! (1989)
Children’s Palace was a chain of castle-themed toy stores that only barely survived the ‘80s. Much like my old hamster, it died in 1992. (Pour one out for Children’s Palace, and another for Cyrano Magnus Maximillion.)
This old Christmas circular might seem like everyday nostalgia bait, but I have a specific reason for mentioning it. On the upper left, you’ll notice the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Footcruiser, a flying car that was meant for the bad guys. (It was a bit of a faux pas for Children’s Palace to put Mikey behind the driver’s seat, but in their defense, that old Shredder figure was a bitch to pose.)
I actually received the Footcruiser for Christmas, a year after this circular was, uh, circulated. At my family’s big Christmas Eve party in 1990, it wasn’t long before me and my cousin found ourselves downstairs, gleefully plucking our gifts out from the giant piles, while the adults devoured crab legs upstairs.
She was younger than me and we rarely got along, but with Christmas came camaraderie. We were the only kids at the party, and this whole inspecting-our-gifts-before-midnight thing had become an annual tradition for us.
Looking back, we could’ve gotten away with opening them early. When the clock struck midnight, it was always total chaos down there. Nobody would’ve noticed. Still, we abided by the unspoken rules, and would only let ourselves shake the wrapped boxes, desperate for hints.
What would turn out to be the Footcruiser – which, ironically, was a gift from that same cousin’s parents – was wrapped in paper that was kinda/sorta semi-translucent. Held to the light, I was at least able to make out a Ninja Turtles logo.
I spent hours agonizing over what might be inside, and when the clock finally struck midnight, I have to admit that I was a little disappointed to see the Footcruiser.
See, I’d convinced myself that the gift was actually Killer Bee, one of the TMNT “Mega Mutants,” which I’d been openly begging for. Besides, the Footcruiser was pretty old news by 1990. Anything tied to the Ninja Turtles was a win, but in the immediate aftermath, the car didn’t seem like such a great payoff to six straight hours of Gift Inspecting.
Oh, how wrong I was. When I opened the box an hour or so later, sacrificing sleep for toys, I immediately fell in love. The Footcruiser RULED. I’d still probably rank it as my favorite vehicle from the entire vintage TMNT collection. It was like the Mad Max version of the flying DeLorean, but somehow from the 1960s.
I spent much of the subsequent winter break making that thing fly around my bedroom, complete with whistling sounds provided by yours truly. As I recall, Scumbug was its most frequent driver. Or pilot, I guess? Either way, thanks for the memory jolt, Children’s Palace.