Wow, has it really been nine months since the last installment of Six Snacks I Want Back? Time flies when you don’t feel like making giant GIFs, I guess.
Down below: Six more snacks from the ‘80s and ‘90s that I wouldn’t mind eating again. (Or, in two cases, for the first time. Watch enough internet strangers go bananas over old hot dogs, and eventually you’ll want them, too.)
Jolt Cola! (1980s)
I can’t remember the last time I saw the original Jolt Cola in stores. Rumors persist that it’s still available regionally, so if you have access to it, consider yourself blessed. I have such fond memories of sipping from those cans and bottles, and pretending that my cool-sounding novelty drink was as powerful as cocaine.
Jolt did boast twice the caffeine of most sodas, but kids ran with that ball to the point of farce, acting as if it caused uncontrollable fits of freneticism. Basically, we got to pull a Popeye without touching any spinach. Read More…
Today’s objective: To find the best and weirdest Madballs collectibles currently on eBay.
For an added layer of difficulty, I’m disqualifying any of AmToy’s original Madballs from this list. I want this to be a deeper dig. The goal isn’t just to show you a bunch of cool crud, but a bunch of cool crud that you might not already know about!
Madballs Lunch Box!
Asking Price: $12.99
Madballs scored several lunch boxes back in the ‘80s, but I’m most fond of this one, where a bunch of the monsters invade someone’s lunch and waste little time in turning it toxic. Imagine that as a TV Guide description, and tell me you wouldn’t watch that show.
Strange as it sounds, the grossness of Madballs was rarely presented in such on-the-nose fashion. Check out Swine Sucker in the back, drinking from the very glass of milk that he just finished souring! Read More…
We spent Sunday in Atlantic City, taking advantage of a free room offer from The Borgata. Sometimes you just crave a hotel bed, y’know?
Along the way, we found ourselves back inside The Best 99 Cent Store Ever, which many of you should remember from this 2014 article. More than two years later, I’m happy to report that the store still deserves that title. Read More…
I guess Saturday night is a stupid time for a product launch, but whatever, I’ll live. Dino Drac’s April 2016 Funpack is here!
(AVAILABLE IN THE UNITED STATES ONLY!)
You all know the drill by now, right? I sell monthly Funpacks. Without them, there’d be no Dino Drac. Subscriptions cost $25 a month (including shipping), and you can cancel at any time without penalty.
For as long as you stay subscribed, you’ll keep getting Funpacks… and you’ll also help keep the site loaded with silly articles about toys and junk food! A win/win?
The April 2016 Funpack might be the strangest yet. At the very least, it’s the most eclectic! Each box is stuffed with over thirteen wildly different items — most vintage, some new, all fabulous.
Skip to the bottom of this post for info on how to start your subscription, or keep reading to see all of this month’s goodies! Read More…
Today: Another batch of retro TV commercials!
Like the five featured last time, these were all pulled from Batman: The Animated Series episodes that aired back in ‘93. For maximum effect, picture eight minutes’ worth of oddly touching Clayface moments between each one.
Terminator 2 Action Figures! (1993)
Since I’ve expressed my fondness for Kenner’s Terminator 2 line many times before, I’ll instead seize the opportunity to champion this particular commercial’s production values.
For one thing, they built a whole goddamn city to display the toys within. It looks like someone recreated Darkman out of model train paraphernalia.
While I don’t doubt that the set was simply repurposed from some older toy commercial, Kenner was terrific when it came to this stuff. Hell, even back in the vintage Star Wars days, they always made sure to put their Hoth vehicles over fake snow, and their Endor vehicles over piles of leaves.
And then there’s the script. I love hearing toy commercial kids narrate their adventures, but it’s especially endearing when one of them tries to do an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.
To me, this is the best way to promote action figures. Show us what they can do, but stick ‘em in an environment that makes us forget the sad reality of our own off-brand carpets. Read More…
Get ready to have your minds blown: Doritos 3D’s still exist.
No, I’m not talking about those Jacked 3D things. I mean the really real deal versions. The ones that look like pregnant Bugles.
But hold on. There’s a catch. To the best of my knowledge, Doritos 3D’s are only being produced in Mexico. Home of the foghorn.
Fortunately, a small pool of southwestern eBay sellers caught wind of the nostalgia, and now regularly import them. They’re selling them at a premium, of course, but nothing terribly major. (The snack sized bags are around three bucks each on eBay. That’s a lot for chips, but still way cheaper than trips to Mexico.) Read More…
Tonight’s article is about ssseven sssensational sssnakes.
Specifically, monster snakes from all walks of pop culture, and by that I don’t just mean “very large snakes.” (You won’t find the Basilisk on this list.) I was more interested in unearthing creatures that were predominantly snakes but still only kinda sorta snakes. Make sssense?
Enjoy the ssshow. Don’t worry, the “sss” gimmick ends here.
G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)
If you’ve never seen G.I. Joe: The Movie, yes, that really is Cobra Commander. The film featured a major tonal shift from the regular cartoon series, existing as a weird sci-fi/horror/action hybrid that raised plenty of eyebrows in its day. It was too much of a departure for many fans, but I loved it.
In the movie, we learn that Cobra Commander was actually working at the behest of his freaky Cobra-La bosses, who believe that he dropped the ball on their extremely protracted global takeover plot. As punishment, he’s exposed to yucky spores that cause disturbing mutations.
Now rapidly transforming into a literal snake, Cobra Commander forms an unlikely partnership with the heroic Roadblock. G.I. Joe: The Movie has many killer scenes, but perhaps none so memorable as Cobra Commander griping over his fading humanity to a temporarily blind Roadblock. “I wassss once a maaaan!”
Near the end of the film, Cobra Commander atones for his past sins by helping the Joes in a critical moment. Course, his redemption was a tad bittersweet, since by that point he’d completely turned into a snake and was almost certainly better off dead. Pretty heavy stuff for G.I. Joe! Read More…