Candy Corn Blow Pops!


New from Charms, get a load of these Candy Corn Blow Pops!

Please don’t continue reading until you’ve gotten a sufficient load of these Candy Corn Blow Pops.

I’m no big fan of candy corn, but time has dulled burning hatred into a more casual apathy. “Oh, it’s candy corn. Not gonna eat it, but it looks pretty enough in a bowl.” The timing is fortuitous, because just a few years ago, the mere mention of candy corn lollipops would’ve made me take my demon form, which very closely resembles Transmetal 2 Megatron.

Actually, all told, I think these are great. It’s always a treat when an ancient big brand puts on a costume, and getting candy corn Blow Pops means so much more than just getting candy corn lollipops. Ya dig? You do if you’re Tom Witzky.

The wrappers are impressive, but not like, regular impressive. I mean “impressive” like the Mortal Kombat guy says it. Drawn out, and with an admitting awe. I don’t know how Charms captured the very essence of Halloween in three inches of cheap cellophane so well, but kudos to them. It sounds hard to do.


The Blow Pops blend yellow and orange colors, looking exactly like a candy corn lollipop should. They’re almost too pretty to eat, but for the sake of a review that doesn’t end on a reference to cellophane, I went ahead and sucked all of the beauty away.

It’s on the mark as far as candy corn goes, but had Charms called these “Caramel Blow Pops” or “Chocolate Blow Pops” or anything in that realm, I would’ve accepted it just as easily.

Basically, they taste like candy corn does before you actually chew it. This removes the horrible candy corn aftertaste, which as we all know is flavorspeak for “quicksand get help.”

Charms was totally devoted. There isn’t even the subtlest hint of Blow Pops’ normally fruity flavor. No tartness whatsoever. If there wasn’t radical hip hop gum in the center, you might expect Proverbial Grandma to be a fan.

I didn’t hate it, but I won’t pretend that I have plans to ever eat one again. The tastebuds I solicit advice from only register “salty” and “tangy” as beneficial; all other flavors can go eat a dick. I realize that I’m in the minority on this, so if you like candy corn, or caramel, or pricey foreign chocolate, you’ll probably enjoy Candy Corn Blow Pops.


And yes, there is gum inside. It’s white, and I don’t think it has any flavor beyond “generic bubble gum.” You know, like the gumballs you buy from supermarket vending machines. It’s definitely not fruity, but it isn’t minty, either. It’s its own weird thing.

I tried to make it to the center without biting, because one of the world’s greatest images is Blow Pop gum revealed without a single chew mark. It’s the candy version of a lunar eclipse. After 45 minutes, I caved and went shark.

The white color was likely incidental, but since it does round out candy corn’s normal trio of orange-yellow-white colors, there’s a chance it was intentional. Not knowing the truth was driving me crazy, so…


I’ll let you know if they back to me. (They won’t get back to me.)

This may surprise you, but I’m awarding Candy Corn Blow Pops an A+. An honest review is an objective one, and besides, it’s no skin off my back to give them such a high grade. Nobody cares. Nobody reads 600 word reviews of lollipops. You made it to Paragraph 5, didn’t get the Mortal Kombat reference, and then just skimmed the rest for photos. I could say whatever I want down here. MONSTER BALLS.


Autumn has arrived!

Celebrate it with something Halloweeny!

Like Candy Corn Blow Pops!

Or eyeball stew!