The Worst Witch!
I’m short on time tonight, so I thought I’d pick a movie that speaks for itself!
Yup. The Worst Witch.
Now, you should watch the whole thing, because it’s full of charm, cheese, and shots of Mrs. Garrett wearing a hot pink wig. But if you’re as short on time as I am, at least skip to the end so you can see Tim Curry’s famously infamous music video, which very well may be the best Halloween thing ever created.
(I’ll be honest and say that everything that comes before Curry isn’t exactly fast-paced entertainment, but I still think The Worst Witch would have cult cred even without him. Just, you know, a LOT less.)
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!
Tonight’s movie is Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. I love this one to pieces.
The film debuted in 1988 and feels like it debuted in 1988. It’s a weird blend of that era’s creature features and romantic comedies, but better because Elvira is in 98% of the shots.
If you’ve only paid cursory attention to Elvira and have doubts about her ability to carry a movie, trust me, she KILLS it here. She’s positively magnetic. Mistress of the Dark is funny and sappy and loaded with cheese, but since Elvira’s wit was so ahead of the curve, it still “plays hip” today. She may be surrounded by dopey stuff, but Elvira is never dopey.
Bonus points: The film also stars Edie McClurg (Mrs. Poole!) and Ira Heiden (The Wizard Master!), so it kind of inadvertently became this amazing tribute to the late ‘80s even if it didn’t at all mean to be.
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark can put anyone in a good mood, so if you need a pick-me-up tonight, look no further!
Tales from the Crypt, 1972.
I got a heavy one for ya, tonight. Tales from the Crypt, from 1972.
It’s one of the few horror that really got under my skin, thanks largely to the fact that I saw it as a small child. It randomly came on television on some long ago Saturday afternoon, and I just couldn’t look away. I’m glad I didn’t now, but at the time, it definitely fueled a few nightmares.
The anthology film is full of eerie shit, but of particular interest to me was the Wish You Were Here segment, a spin on the famous Monkey’s Paw story.
Between the shot shown above (watch the movie if you want context) and the gory, unbelievably unsettling ending, Wish You Were Here has been stuck in my brain for literally decades. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even watched Tales from the Crypt again after that first time. That’s how much of an impression it made.
Tales from the Crypt is much more appropriate for a stormy Sunday afternoon, but I think it’ll do okay on a Monday night, too.
Enjoy the movie… if you dare.
Jason Takes Arsenio.
Remember when Jason Voorhees was a guest on The Arsenio Hall Show?
Yes, this happened!
The July 1989 “interview” was meant to promote Jason Takes Manhattan, and I can still remember watching it in my junky old bedroom. I hadn’t seen any of the Friday the 13th movies by that point, but with Jason being such a pop icon, that hardly mattered.
Now that I think about it, it was probably this very interview that inspired me to rent Jason Takes Manhattan several months later. I was still dipping my feet into the horror pool and wasn’t yet ready for the rougher stuff, but since Jason was so affable with Arsenio, how bad could the movie be?
Well, within like five minutes of the title screen, Jason literally ripped the intestines out of some rando’s stomach. I stopped the tape right there, and wouldn’t try renting it again for years. (Little did I know that the intestines thing was the movie’s most brutal scene, by far.)
Considering that I now count Friday the 13th as my most beloved horror franchise, I got off to a pretty weak start!
Anyway, watch the clip. It’s freakin’ adorable.
