Dinosaur Dracula!
  • Say hello to Mr. Wasp.

    I knew that big hole in my window screen would eventually lead to trouble. This afternoon, a wasp flew straight through it. Big one, too. He looked pissed. A funny thing happens to wasps when they come indoors. They just completely lose their grace. Outside, this wasp may have entranced me

  • John Cena’s Fruity Pebbles.

    This is a wrestling post. If you’re not interested in wrestling, it’s also a cereal post. If you’re not interested in wrestling or cereal, well, I’m pretty zooted, and this could end up becoming a play-by-play of Roald Amundsen’s 1903 search for the Northwest Passage. Or maybe a

  • Virtual Saturday Morning.

    It’s Saturday morning! Your favorite part of the week! You wake up bright and early. Earlier than everyone else in the house, that’s for sure. The skies are cloudy and there isn’t a peep in the whole neighborhood. You wish it would stay like this forever. Just picture it! An endless

  • I made you lunch.

    Guys, I made you lunch. You better eat it. It’s a sin to waste food. See that? It’s a Kraft “Singlestamp” cheese cutter, with a Cheesasaurus Rex theme. If you’ll recall, Cheesasaurus Rex was Kraft’s beloved Macaroni & Cheese mascot back in the ‘90s. He was big, he was

  • Work-a de art-a.

    Here’s the situation. Earlier tonight, we were informed of a surprise visit that was going to take place no more than ten minutes after the sudden warning. I had no issue with the person visiting, but since I was grimy, groggy and without time to clean up, I decided to sit this one out.

  • The Best Vending Machine Ever.

    If you live in anything resembling suburbia, maybe you’ve seen an Allstar vending machine. They’re stuffed with trading cards of all types, and at least around here, there’s one near the exit of every grocery store. I’m going to take the long way to get there, but here’s a qu

  • Old Internet Junk!

    I first went online in 1995, back when you paid by the hour for an extremely slow connection. At the time, my concept of the internet only went as far as what America Online would show me. Actual websites existed, of course, but between the slow speed and my unfamiliarity, I mostly stuck

  • I’m best friends with Pee-wee Herman.

    As some of you know, I ordered WrestleMania last night. The PPV price was steep, but I just couldn’t let myself miss Undertaker vs. Punk. It was a good event overall, but the show definitely peaked with that match. I seized the opportunity to do some live tweeting, to the grand annoyance

  • Comic Book Friday!

    Today mysteriously turned into Comic Book Friday! I was running an errand in an unusual area, and remembered that this unusual area was also home to my city’s longest operating comic book shop – a place that’s been around for at least twenty years. I decided to drop by. Maybe they

  • 1-900-909-CREEP.

    My friend Paul from the new and improved Wrestlecrap shot me a tip about this one. Thank you, Paul! You made my week. I’m not going to dig up the half-broken old article, but back in 2005, I wrote about my experiences with the Freddy Krueger hotline. It was just one of the many 900

  • Vlog: The Simpsons Easter Basket!

    Easter is tomorrow. May those who celebrate spend tonight dyeing eggs and fiddling with phony grass. I went to our city’s last remaining K-Mart yesterday. The place was a wreck. Looked like it hadn’t been remodeled since 1982. Still had an “Eatery” and everything. Smelled l

  • A Tribute to Charlie Brown’s ‘Cyclopedias!

    If you’ve never heard of Charlie Brown’s ‘Cyclopedia, you have my sincere pity. I loved these books as a child, and still do today. Not exaggerating at all: I still read these things constantly. Originally published in 1980, the fifteen book set covered many terrific things, from din

  • Song, Video, Plant, Candy, Book.

    Hello, and welcome to Saturday. It’s a lazy one for me. I want to bury myself under ten blankets and do absolutely nothing. Instead I will attempt to write about a song, a video, a plant, a candy and a book. It may prove to be my undoing. 🙂 The Dino Drac Song! My pal Brian

  • The Big League Chew Easter Egg!

    This isn’t something I’d normally do a standalone post about, but it just tickled me too much to cover in any other fashion. It’s an egg, see. An egg filled with Big League Chew. There are tons of similar Easter treats on sale, where oversized plastic eggs are filled with various can

  • The Wilton Megasaurus Disaster.

    It sounded so easy, but nothing ever is. I’d been waiting for the right moment to make use of this, and last night seemed like it. Released in 1999, it’s Wilton’s “MEGASAURUS” cake pan! I was drawn to it for obvious reasons, but that won’t keep me from naming them anyway. One,

  • Sparkling Star Shape Colgate Junior!

    After bringing up Aquafresh in the recent Happy Thoughts post, at least one commenter waxed nostalgic about Colgate’s ancient star-shaped toothpaste. That’s all the excuse I needed to write this tribute, because sisters and brothers, not only do I remember Colgate’s star-shaped tooth

  • Paas Mini-Monsters Easter Egg Kit!

    Easter is approaching. As longtime readers know, it’s far from my favorite holiday, owing to everything from its hideous pastel colors to the customary dish of a “leg of lamb”– something I find so atrocious that it took me a literal minute to even type it. But there are good th

  • Happy Thoughts.

    This space is reserved exclusively for happy thoughts. Here are seven of mine. What are some of yours? Happy Thought #1: Aquafresh Toothpaste! Aquafresh, I will keep on loving you. You amazed me as a child and you still amaze me today. You are triple-colored toothpaste and I don’t know h

  • Five Great Garth Things.

    Garth Algar was the best part of Wayne’s World. If you disagree with this, we have a problem. I saw the film on opening weekend back in ’92, in a theater packed with people who could not have loved it more. It was one of my all-time favorite moviegoer experiences. Everyone just had suc

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Chia Pet!

    I normally pay attention to Chia Pets only around Christmas, but since I was so busy a few months ago, I didn’t get to keep up the tradition. Maybe this is why I’ve felt so hollow. Thank God for the Ninja Turtles. Spotted just last night, it’s the official Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtl

  • Five Great Robots.

    I like robots. We all do. In my tween years, I made a sincere attempt at building one. Using an upside down goldfish bowl for the head, my robot was held together with ten rolls of masking tape, had five or six Micro Machines cars stuck to its bottom, and could only “speak” in Jackie

  • Survival Kit in a Sardine Can.

    (NOTE: There’s a new feature up, recapping one of my favorite episodes of the classic anthology series, Amazing Stories. It’s about a scary mirror monster. Read it! Or at least, read it after you’ve read about this sardine can filled with razors and candy.) I often da

  • Book Reports.

    Below are five book reports. Well, sort of. They’re books I care about, or at least books with personal stories attached to them. If you were expecting me to write serious critiques, I should remind you that I’m poorly educated and pretty lazy. Dracula, by Bram Stoker (1897) Bram Stoke

  • Spooky Saturday Survey.

    There’s a new feature up, covering four random Pokemon foodstuffs from thirteen years ago. I admit that I’m not the Pokefan I once was, and that it’s become something I admire more from afar. Still, the featured snacks come from a time when I was all about Pokemon, and if you were in

  • Topps Bubble Gum Juice Cartons!

    Oh yes. These things. Staples of my childhood diet! No kid could resist bubble gum rocks that poured from tiny juice cartons! Made by Topps in the early ‘80s, “juice gum” survived until long after I’d stopped paying attention. For all I know, they’re still out there somewhere. Le