The Mausoleum of Madness, Part II!
Welcome to Dinosaur Dracula’s MAUSOLEUM OF MADNESS, PART II! Every day through Halloween, check back for another vintage creepy collectible – everything from deep cut toys to ancient store displays to at least one totally insane costume. Probably ten cereal boxes, too.
I won’t be plugging this on social media much, so you’ll have to remember to visit on your own. Maybe stick an orange Post-It on the fridge. (Yes, it must be orange.)
PS, if you missed last year’s Mausoleum of Madness, it’s over here.
#51: Telco Devil Motionette! (1989)
When I got into Telco’s Halloween Motionettes, it seemed like I’d only ever admire the Devil from afar. I’d probably never even see it in person, much less have one in my possession. He was too rare. Too valuable. TOO RED.
But, somehow, he’s here. There are a few versions of the 24″ Devil Motionette; this particular example is the 1989 “bug-eyed” edition, distinguishable by his psychotic yellow irises. I paid what some of you might consider a lot, but what a Telco collector would instantly recognize as a wild bargain.
There’s good news and bad news. The good news is, he’s in fabulous condition. Even came with the original pitchfork (not pictured), still in its factory bag. The bad news is, his motor ain’t working, so at present, he doesn’t move. I knew this when I bought him, though, and at the price I paid, he was still worth getting.
He could be fixed, but I’m not emotionally prepared to handle Motionette surgery. Not gonna press my luck. He’s a beautiful, demented, two-foot devil, and that’s good enough for me. This week, at least.
The crazy thing is, I’m not even sure that this would qualify as my biggest Telco score of the season. It arguably was, given the Devil’s popularity, but I’ve found a few others that might be even more impressive. I’ll tell you about them later, though. Today is all about the impish lord of the underworld. Give the Telco Devil his due.
#50: Pac-Man TV Guide Ad! (1982)
Pac-Man indeed had his own Halloween special in the ‘80s, but before you seat him at the Big Shot table with Garfield and Charlie Brown, know that there’s an asterisk.
When we hear “Halloween special,” we think of prime time, but ABC ran this as a regular episode of Pac-Man’s Saturday morning cartoon. You had to make it to the couch by 8:30 AM if you wanted to take part in this unprecedented television event.
Not exactly the sort of pomp and circumstance that makes you hear Macho Man’s theme in your head.
In Pac-Man’s defense, Saturday morning cartoons meant more in 1982 than they would later, and they meant 500,000 times as much as they do now. Plus, his show was a hit! I’m just sayin’, Coca-Cola probably wasn’t dropping any new commercials at 8:30 AM.
Like every other episode of Pac-Man, the Halloween special combined two distinct segments to reach the 22-minute finish line. Included were Trick or Chomp (very Halloweeny) and Pacula (less Halloweeny, but included a vampiric Pac-creature, so that’s okay).
#49: Super Naturals Ghostling! (1987)
I’ve written about Tonka’s Super Naturals before, but as a refresher, the eerie-but-opulent toy line worked functional holograms into every action figure. The technology still looks sleek and expensive in 2025, so you can imagine how it hit in 1987.
The taller figures were the stars, but there was also an army of “Ghostlings” – pint-sized ghouls that kept the holographic technology, but lost their legs.
Shown here is Hooter, whose holographic image switches between a wizard and an owl. With Super Naturals, every character had a “normal” mode and then a “spirit” mode, which they could call upon in moments of distress. So like, if you messed with Hooter, he’d switch to owl mode and peck the shit out of you.
Truly some of the best action figures of the ‘80s, and as fun as they are to fiddle with, it’s nice to have one in the original packaging. It’s so… I dunno… occult?
#48: Candid Halloween Photo! (1986)
The ‘80s flavors in this photo – which I weirdly found on eBay – are so unbelievably on-the-nose, you’d swear it’s AI. But no, this is legit, and it’s exactly how I remember Halloween.
First you’ve got the classic mask-and-smock costumes, an awkward rite of passage for kids of several generations. Here we see examples representing Barbie and the Rockers, Popples and My Little Pony. After ten minutes spent trick-or-treating, the plastic shirts would be torn, the masks dented, and each child would have lost seventeen pounds’ worth of water weight.
The setting is accurate, too. A big ol’ clunky television set, with rabbit ears that touched the moon. Wood paneling on the walls, complete with those “burnt spots” that used to fascinate me as a kid. A curtain that had no right being up, in either a functional or decorative sense.
Then there’s the jack-o’-lantern, placed directly atop the television, with nothing but a dish towel to protect one of the most expensive things in the house from a rotting piece of fruit. We all did this, and the notion came to us instinctually.
In short, this photo embodies Halloween in 1986. All that’s missing is a McDonald’s bucket and an official Lite-Stik™ light stick.
#47: Topstone Alien Mask! (1980s)
Well, the day has finally come.
Longtime readers may remember this story, about how I was obsessed with dressing as ALF for Halloween in 1987, but couldn’t find the mask. After weeks of torture, I paired the official ALF bodysuit with a random alien mask that at least had patches of the same brown fur.
And that’s how ALF’s cousin MALPH was born.
I never thought I’d see that mask again. I wasn’t even looking for it. It just randomly turned up on an eBay search where it had no right to be. Naturally, I bought it immediately. Turns out it was made by Topstone, which makes sense, because those guys were all over Halloween in the ‘80s.
You might be wondering why I never mentioned the light-up eyes in any retellings of my MALPH story. Truth is, I forgot about that little hiccup! The delicate wire connecting the eyes to a 9V battery was already broken when I got my original mask, so they were never part of my ensemble.
It’s a good thing I never saw what the glowing eyes looked like as a kid. Had I known they were that amazing, I would’ve been crushed!
MALPH, bless his heart, ended up being the most memorable and important Halloween costume of my childhood. It felt like a full-circle moment to wear this again. The smell of the rubber, which lies somewhere between burnt wood and tonic water, sent me straight back to elementary school.
#46: The Vampire Gimlet! (1972)
This 53-year-old magazine ad for Smirnoff Vodka combines two of my greatest loves – monsters, and antiquated quirky cocktails. I haven’t had a drink in years, but were I to break form, it’d definitely be for a Vampire Gimlet. Mostly just for the excuse to say “Vampire Gimlet” a few times.
The recipe calls for 100 proof vodka, lime juice, sugar, and the fetching garnish of a single black olive. I’m sad that black olives have fallen out of favor in the cocktail arena. First Taco Bell got rid of them, and then every boozer on the planet. What’s wrong with everyone? Black olives are great!
The olive, of course, is what gives the drink its name. Take it away, and you’ve just made a regular Vodka Gimlet. Personally, even if I hated olives, I’d eat one for the chance to be a little more goth.
