The Mausoleum of Madness!
Welcome to Dino Drac’s Mausoleum of Madness! Here you’ll find daily drops of creepy collectibles from my personal collection, all never previously seen on the site. Everything from eerie ephemera to terrifying toys. There are some major gems waiting to be featured here! Updated daily through Halloween!
#18: Magic Glow Worms! (1971)
Fleer’s Magic Glow Worms and Bed Bugs was an odd title for what these actually were: Packs of temporary tattoos with a bonus stick of bubble gum.
Admittedly, the tattoos were of various creepy creatures, and they did glow in the dark, so I guess they paid off the name well enough.
I don’t do ‘70s nostalgia on Dino Drac often – mostly because I wasn’t alive for it – but I know a gem when I see it, and a boy turning green with fright over the temporary tattoos that he himself chose to affix is definitely a gem.
This is a complete display box, but even individual packs aren’t cheap. They are oddly plentiful, though, and so many of them are in really nice condition. Makes me wonder if someone uncovered a boatload of factory-fresh cases in more recent years? If you’re out there, fess up!
#17: Russ “Vampire” Troll! (1990s)
At the height of Troll mania in the early ‘90s, Russ Trolls unleashed this gothic god. There were other vampire Troll dolls on the market, but this one was my fave. The gray skin really set him apart.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever confessed this, but I was a Troll MANIAC back then. I practically grew up in Atlantic City, surrounded by arcade crane machines, which of course was where Troll dolls bred and multiplied.
I had dozens of those dolls – small ones and big ones, dressed like everything from sleepy wizards to punk rockers. For a year or so, they were all over my bedroom. A hundred Troll eyes on me during my most private moments.
Eventually, I realized that a room full of Trolls could be trouble if anyone in junior high ran opposition research. I remember tossing them all in a bag and hiding them in my closet. Dunno what became of them after that. Hopefully, they escaped and found better homes.
#16: 7UP Halloween Cans! (1990s)
While the cans are undated, all signs point to them being from the ‘90s. The Cool Spot cameos are a dead giveaway, as is the prominent “NutraSweet” logo on that diet can.
I absolutely adore the jack-o’-lantern spin on the Cool Spots. I’ve noticed giant-sized plush dolls of them on eBay, which I’m assuming were store displays. If you’re wondering why those dolls are still on eBay and not here in the Mausoleum of Madness, it’s because people are charging like a thousand dollars for them. WTF?
For maximum impact, you have to envision dozens of these cans in a tub of ice, in the center of a grade school Halloween party. Kids dressed like Bart Simpson and the red Power Ranger grabbing them left and right, while a Drew’s Famous CD blasts a bad cover of Thriller.
#15: Disney Haunted House Album! (1964)
At one point or another, I feel like everybody owned a copy of this album. Released in 1964, Disney’s Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House is *still* an easy find at yard sales and thrift stores. Hell, some of you were probably born into homes that already had a copy collecting dust in a corner.
It’s partly an audio storybook, and partly a collection of spooky sound effects. The whole thing is on YouTube, though I’d hardly call it an easy listen. As was the case with those Hallmark SFX cassettes that became popular in the ‘80s, this album was mostly meant to add ambiance to yard haunts and costume parties.
Where does Disney fit in? Well, if I can believe Wikipedia, all of the sound effects came from Walt Disney Studios. Plus, the story portions were read by Laura Olsher, who was a regular on Disney’s vinyl releases in the ‘60s.
#14: McNugget Buddies Display! (1996)
This display once stood in a McDonald’s restaurant, there to promote the 1996 series of Halloween McNugget Buddies. It’s huge, cardboard and cumbersome, and I’ll spend my remaining days failing to find the right place for it.
Compared to the more iconic 1993 set of Halloween McNugget Buddies, things got pretty weird in ‘96. The costumes included a spider, a rock star, a fairy princess, a dragon, a space alien, and Ronald McDonald himself.
The six have absolutely nothing in common, save for the fact that they’re all anthropomorphized chunks of fried chicken. Course, now that I’ve typed that, it sure seems like enough.
PS, check out Ronald’s hair on that display. Has it ever looked better? You could run that on a box of Feria. My compliments to his stylist.
#13: Revenge of the Beefsteak Tomatoes! (1983)
Did you know that there was an Attack of the Killer Tomatoes game for the Atari? Well, kind of. Released in 1983, Revenge of the Beefsteak Tomatoes had no formal ties to the film, but it was obviously based on it. Anyone who says otherwise is a big stupid gaslighter.
The object of the game was to build walls around a horde of mutant, missile-firing tomatoes before they could take over the world. This being the Atari era, the graphics were quite modest, though they did an admirable job of at least making the tomatoes look like tomatoes.
As was usually the case with Atari, the concept was mostly sold through the box art, which was gorgeous. Interestingly, despite not being a canonical part of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes lore, the box feels like concept art for the action figure collection, which wouldn’t arrive for another seven years!
#12: Insane Beetlejuice Mask! (1989)
Since everyone is seeing Beetlejuice Beetlejuice this weekend, it seemed like the right time to show off this extremely bizarre mask. Several online sellers say it’s a Don Post creation from 1989, and since there are no markings anywhere on the thing, I’ll just have to trust them on that.
It’s a particularly ghastly take on Beetlejuice. Between the platinum hair and bright red lips, it looks more like a zombie Breathless Mahoney from Dick Tracy. I have zero complaints about that. The weirder the better!
Honestly, it’s such an extreme look, I’m left wondering if this was even an official Beetlejuice mask. It’s high-quality by the era’s standards, but I suppose there’s a chance that it wasn’t actually licensed. Whatever the case, the stink of latex screams “Halloween” to me as loud as any pumpkin candle. I love this creepy thing.
#11: Telco Pumpkin Ghost! (1989)
Telco’s Motion-ettes of Halloween were large figures that moved, lit up and blared spooky sound effects on the power of two “C” batteries. They arrived in the ‘80s, and quickly became the chicest Halloween decorations at Kmart.
I’d collected a few of them this past year, but spurred by a discussion on the latest Purple Stuff bonus show, I finally took the plunge and bought the one I wanted most: This “Pumpkin Ghost,” a spin on the classic sheet ghost.
He arrived yesterday, and seeing him in person brought a few surprises. For one thing, his head is huge! I was expecting a head the size of an orange, but it’s really more like a grapefruit. Specifically one of those grapefruits that are so gigantic, you hesitate to slice it because no one person can eat that much grapefruit.
That was in the plus column. In the minus column was the second surprise. See, I knew he was going to make that same theremin-based “sonic” noise so many other Halloween novelties make… but I had no idea that it’d be so loud.
For whatever reason, he’s way louder than my other Telco figures. You could use this thing to alert a ship crew to a tidal emergency. If I left it on for five minutes, I think Rodan, Scylla and Methuselah would circle my apartment, waiting for further instructions.
That aside, he is a wonderful addition to my decor, and a promising new friend.
#10: Wendy’s Play-Doh Fingles! (1989)
Wendy’s is making a play to be the star of the 2024 Halloween season, but this isn’t the first time they’ve danced with the devil. Back in 1989, they gave out these super cool Play-Doh “Fingles” sets!
This was a collection of plastic molds that let you create creepy Play-Doh finger puppets. Each set came with one mold and a can of glow-in-the-dark Play-Doh. (I know it was non-toxic, but as the former east coast champ of Play-Doh eating, I gotta wonder if the glowing version was less safe than the regular stuff.)
There were six molds in all, including a cat, pumpkin, ghost, bat, witch, and then one only referred to as “monster,” who kinda looked like a bloated vampire. He was special to me.
Kenner was desperately trying to make this Play-Doh “Fingles” concept work at retail, so they really invested in these samples. The winners were, of course, kids who preferred square beef patties over Chicken McNuggets.
#9: Monster Catch Game! (1988)
Easily one of my weirdest finds, here’s a spooky spin on the classic magnetic fishing game that we’ve all played a million times. The setup and mechanics are the same, but in this edition, the fish are all UNDEAD ZOMBIES, which swim in a literal POOL OF BLOOD that’s called – get this – “EVIL DEMONS LAKE.”
I’m not making that up. A sticker on the base literally says it. EVIL DEMONS LAKE!
Loving the contrast between the happy-go-lucky boy, and that ominous line of text near his head. “CATCH MONSTERS FROM THE GRAVE!”
Where did this thing come from?! I guess whoever made it saw how flooded the “magnetic fishing game” market was, and reasoned that the only way to stand out was by adding gore and necromancy.
#8: McD’s Treat Certificates Sign! (1998)
This double-sided die-cut sign once hung from the ceiling at McDonald’s, to promote that year’s books of Halloween Treat Certificates.
I still say that those certificates were some of the best things a trick-or-treater could get. They diversified our loot, and they guaranteed us future trips to McDonald’s. In a sense, Halloween wouldn’t really end until we cashed those suckers in.
In the certificates’ earliest days, a small soda was the common freebie. When I was a kid, it was more typically sundaes, pies or McDonaldland Cookies. This version, from 1998, upped the ante with complimentary fries.
PS: If you don’t remember the green guy, that’s Iam Hungry, one of McDonald’s less-successful mascots. He was basically their version of that furry thing from Honeycomb Cereal.
