The Mausoleum of Madness, Part II!
Welcome to Dinosaur Dracula’s MAUSOLEUM OF MADNESS, PART II! This is a multipage feature. Page links are are at the bottom, or you can visit the starting page over here. Enjoy your stay at the Mausoleum, and pay no attention to the harmless black cats.
#10: Alice Cooper F13 Single! (1986)
What are these little record singles called? 45s? Whatever the case, that’s what this is – the single release of Alice Cooper’s He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask), the theme song to Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives.
Sorry about all the italics. My hands were tied.
Jason Lives is a fan favorite, and while I’m not nearly as into it as the rest of you, I still see how it saved the series. After a weird fifth installment that needed thirty years to find its defenders, Jason Lives made everything cool again. And I think this song – which had a full-blown music video in MTV rotation – was a big part of that.
(Actually, wasn’t Jason Lives one of the first horror movies to take advantage of MTV in a biggish way? This was a year before Dokken’s Dream Warriors video premiered, after all.)
The promo shot shown on that sleeve is commonly seen all over the internet, but to my knowledge, it was only officially used on this itty bitty single. If you’re looking for one, good luck, it’s pretty rare!
#9: Coors Beerwolf Costume! (1980s)
This was a once-in-a-lifetime Facebook Marketplace find – the kind that required weeks of cajoling to persuade a non-local seller to not only break his “I don’t ship” rule, but to break it for a gigantic wolf costume. Stuff like this doesn’t just magically materialize in my office!
This isn’t any ordinary Halloween costume. In fact, it’s not a Halloween costume at all. It’s an honest-to-goodness Coors Beerwolf MASCOT costume, originally used for promotional appearances. The furry bodysuit is normal enough, but the mask is ENORMOUS. There’s even a battery-operated fan built into it, to keep its wearer comfortable while out in the heat.
While the Coors Beerwolf was not exclusively tied to the Halloween season, that was when he did his best work, so I feel completely justified about including this in the Mausoleum. My ultimate goal is to buy a mannequin and leave the costume on display like less-offensive bear taxidermy, but that’s a project for when my apartment is cleaner and my wallet thicker.
(As a matter of full disclosure, while the mask and suit are original, the gloves are just a BS pair I found for ten bucks on Amazon.)
#8: Showtime Halloween Makeup Ad! (1985)
I’ve gotten really into collecting old Halloween magazine ads lately, which I guess is what happens after you’ve already collected every other possible type of Halloween thing. I’d say I’d do pumpkin leaf bags next, but honey, I ran that well dry years ago.
This Showtime ad has been a favorite since childhood, specifically because of that weird space age shark man. What a great getup! The fact that the supposed “shark” looks as much like a mash of a football player, zombie and Todd from Christmas Vacation only adds to the appeal.
These makeup kits were pitched to adults, not so much for “content” reasons as the simple fact that the intricate paint jobs were far beyond the patience of most children. (Even if an adult handled the painting, good luck getting a kid to sit still for two hours.)
#7: Sharp Hand Joe! (1990s)
Yes, it’s really him. “Sharp Hand Joe” was the official name of this very unofficial Freddy Krueger knockoff figure, released as part of the Monster Vampire collection from Simba Toys. If you don’t believe me, here’s the cardback.
The early ‘90s action figure line was never available in the States, but with the advent of eBay, Sharp Hand Joe became an internet favorite. Who could resist a fake Freddy Krueger prancing around in Waldo’s clothes, especially with a name like that?
Ironically, this cheap knockoff now costs more than many official Freddy Krueger collectibles, with even unpackaged figures sometimes fetching $200. Actually, Joe has become so popular that a few folks are producing new merch based on him… which of course is just as unlicensed as he was!
#6: Vamp’s Deadly Secret Wrapper! (1990s)
Can’t believe I was lucky enough to find one of these! If you read last year’s Mausoleum, you know that I scored a vintage Vampire’s Secret Ice Pops box, after searching for over a decade. Rare as it was, the fact that this turned up is even more unbelievable.
See, Vampire’s Secret was what Good Humor called the multipacks that were sold in grocery stores. Vampire’s DEADLY Secret was their name for a larger version of those same pops, which were sold individually – mostly from ice cream trucks.
No matter the size, the schematic was the same: Black cherry water ice with a hidden center of “cherry sauce,” meant to resemble blood. This was one of Good Humor’s greatest creations, and having it fronted by a green-skinned Dracula was just the (black) cherry on top.
