I get the strangest care packages!
My good pal Jerrod K. accurately predicted that I’d be so into this. A pile of Sunday newspaper ads from July 11th, 1993! They were all in gem mint condition, and though I suppose I could just ask, it’s more fun to simply wonder why he had a newspaper from 1993 just laying around.
Though nothing in the pile carried the nostalgic weight of, say, an old Kay-Bee Toys circular, it still brought back many swell memories. Below are scans of some of the highlights.
Talk about obscure! I haven’t thought about these since… well, 1993, probably. Apparently I’m not alone, because on an internet that has around 40,000 pages dedicated exclusively to the sesame cake scene from Congo, I can only find a handful of references to Nabisco Crackups.
If I’m remembering them right, Crackups were like the perfect midpoint between Cheez-Its and Doritos. A bit thicker than chips, but still thin enough to make firecracker noises when you ate them. They were like Better Cheddars with attitude.
This page was from a Kmart circular. I guess 1993 was a “limbo year” for Nintendo, because those prices seem low even by “big sale” standards. After all, the Super Nintendo had been around for two years by then, and the Game Boy was even longer in the tooth. By 1993, neither system came with bragging rights.
PS: I know it’s been outclassed on every front, but I still love the look of the original Nintendo Game Boy. It’s just so boxy and toylike. Once societal norms dramatically evolve, I’m frenching the original Game Boy.
This is just fantastic. Close-Up Crystal was clearly (hey yoooo) meant to ape Crystal Pepsi, and I’m not just saying that because “dwuhhh both have the word ‘crystal’ in them.”
Remember, though Crystal Pepsi debuted in ’92, it wasn’t sold nationally until 1993. Most people had never heard of it before that Van Halen commercial from the 1993 Super Bowl. If toothpaste was ever gonna be the remora to Crystal Pepsi’s shark, the summer of ’93 was the right time.
Check out that package design, too. They used the same color palette and everything! There’s something ironic about toothpaste mimicking soda, but that is still one good looking toothpaste tube. If things don’t work out with me and the Game Boy, Close-Up Crystal is so gonna be my weird rebound.
Side note: Have you heard the news? Crystal Pepsi is coming back, full-scale!
Double Dip Crunch!
The name “Double Dip Crunch” referred to the cereal being “dipped” in honey and then again in nuts. I suppose “Honey Nut Crunch” would’ve been too on-the-nose?
The cereal kinda felt like Crispix’s younger, louder cousin. It was still somewhere in the realm of those seemingly healthy cereals that parents approved of, but with the bold colors and alliterative titles that kids loved.
(We did, right? I did, anyway.)
Worth noting: When Double Dip Crunch debuted a year prior to this, it was in a far cooler box — one that subtly implied that there were two different cereals separately bagged inside. (Akin to what Ralston did with Nintendo Cereal System.)
The first box design was too interesting to yank for no reason, so I assume that Kellogg’s got some complaints about false advertising. There are only so many complimentary cereal coupons you can mail off before you just redesign the damn box.
Custom Address Labels!
I can’t remember the last time I perused a newspaper for more than yard sale listings, so for all I know, y’all are STILL getting these label pitches each and every Sunday.
I was strangely obsessed with them as a kid, I guess due to the labels being both affordable and technically stickers. I never got around to placing an order, mostly because I wasn’t sure if they’d be okay with printing “UNDERTAKER RULES” as the name and “FUTURE WORLD CHAMP” as the address and “GONG” as the zip code. I only roll the dice when I’m confident.
Chewing Gum Multipacks!
Another page from that Kmart circular. I’m only including it because I LOVE CINN-A-BURST. I even wrote a giant tribute to it a few years ago!
That post underperformed, and I was so shocked to learn that Cinn-A-Burst actually wasn’t that big of a deal for most of you. Seriously guys, that gum was MY EVERYTHING. Imbued with crunchy, cinnamon-flavored “crystals,” it was the one single chewing gum that could match the schoolyard cool factor of Bubblicious or Big League Chew.
I get that things like Ecto Cooler and French Toast Crunch have the kind of viral pull necessary to warrant resurrections, but in a quiet way, I’d be just as thrilled to see Cinn-A-Burst return. Poor, forgotten Cinn-A-Burst. You deserved better. Let me chew away your pain.
Old Compaq Computer!
It’s so weird to look at a computer that came out jussssst before the internet was really a thing. I mean, it was, but it wasn’t. You could go online, yeah, but you probably would’ve been the only person in your neighborhood to do so, or to even know what that meant.
It’d be maddening to relive all of that now. Like I could see being gleefully trapped in the ‘80s even after the novelty wore off, because the technology was still so comparatively antiquated that I’d just roll with it and settle in. But man, 1993? Too on the cusp! It’d be like standing in front of a pizza but not being able to reach it. Or maybe more like having a frozen pizza but no way to cook it. I dunno, something with pizza.
Get a load of that 120 MB hard drive!
Big thanks to Jerrod K. for sending these my way. Jerrod, I promise, there was no better person to send newspaper ads from 1993.