Impossibly Pink Rice Krispies Treats.

It all started with the marshmallows.

Kraft’s “Strawberry Mallows” are pinker than pigs, and I can never say no to a new type of marshmallow. (I understand that these might not be new, but I’d never seen them before this weekend.)

It’s a sick habit, really it is. I don’t even like marshmallows that much. I buy every kind, and then they just rot in our kitchen cabinet, patiently awaiting a purpose that never comes. There must be at least five expired bags of marshmallows in there, right now. I could prove this if challenged, but please don’t make me.

Only the kinds that I end up writing about avoid this fate. Strawberry Mallows, count yourselves lucky.

There was a recipe for “Strawberry Crispy Squares” on the back of the bag, and I knew what that meant.

PINK RICE KRISPIES TREATS.

I had to make them.

I’m glad I did, because Kraft’s shortened directions on how to prepare Rice Krispies Treats will prove as useful in the future as it did yesterday afternoon. Now I know that you can totally avoid using the stove.

Melt the butter in the microwave, pour it over the marshmallows, and then throw the whole bowl back in the microwave for 90 seconds. Voila, you’ve done it, and you did it without fire.

The resulting goo looked like the mood slime from Ghostbusters II, and I said as much when I first saw it. Of course, since nobody else was in the kitchen, I’m not sure why I bothered. The words just escaped me; a statement gone rogue.

I’ll spare you the play-by-play on steps 3-8, because past articles have beaten that horse into paste. For some reason, I imagine horse paste to be brown.

They looked nice and pink, but NOT PINK ENOUGH. If I was gonna go down this road, I wanted seven of the Guinness Book of World Records’ 300,000 words to be about ME. These had to be the pinkest Rice Krispies Treats EVER.

Fortunately, I saw this problem stirring in the womb, and took precautionary measures to conquer it.

Pink icing! Pink sprinkles! Oh yes, with these tools, my treats were about to become SO MUCH PINKER.

The sprinkles aren’t very interesting, but I’d been eyeing Pillsbury’s pink lemonade cake frosting for weeks. I was dying to know what it smelled like. Turns out, it smells like lemonade.

PINK lemonade.

Pure decadence. Pure, gloppy decadence. Interestingly enough, the extras only served to make the Rice Krispies taste more like Fruity Pebbles. The Pillsbury Doughboy is no friend to Snap, Crackle and Pop. Their world is one of jealous intrigue.

I don’t know if these are the pinkest Rice Krispies Treats ever, but they’re certainly the pinkest out of the ones covered in frosting and sprinkles. That’s a victory, however small.

And if one of our cats morphs into a five-year-old girl on its next birthday, I know just what to serve at her party.