The Top 30 Cabin in the Woods Monsters!
The Top 30 Monsters from The Cabin in the Woods!
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#11-20, from mummies to mermen!
#11: The Mummy
Understandably groggy.
He appears for a split second in the film, but you get a much better look at this mummy during the special features. He is a beaut. I love how the mere act of standing seems like a struggle for him. Supernatural or not, mummies should have trouble standing. This one also has a delightfully rotted face, and considering the more intense horrors surrounding him, it’s kinda cute that he tries to make do with a little knife.
#12: Merman
Not quite like the Masters of the Universe version.
The Merman gets a pretty great build throughout the film. When he finally arrives, we’re not disappointed. While technically a half-man, half-fish, Merman is more accurately described as a half-monster, half-monsterfish. A half-monster, half-monsterfish who eats people and spits their blood through a blowhole. He looks like a creature you’d see in the last minute of a Tales from the Darkside episode, and for that reason alone, maybe I should’ve ranked him higher.
#13: Giant Snake.
DER’S SNAKES OUT DER DIS BIG?!
Among the purge’s most memorable monsters, Giant Snake got several “hero shots” and more than one kill. Its obvious “CG-ness,” for lack of a better term, seemed like an intentional nod to the special effects quality normally seen in movies featuring giant killer animals. The neat thing is how it wasn’t based on a single “true” snake, blending elements from a cobra, rattlesnake and python into a mutant package of mayhem.
#14: Giant Tarantula
Eight legged freak.
I so would not want to deal with this. I actually just sat here for five minutes, frozen at the thought of what it might be like to be killed by a giant tarantula. Verdict: Unpleasant. Comparing its “in-the-cube” size to the other monsters, I’d say it was about as big as two lions. No idea why “two lions” is my point of reference, but it’s the only thing that seems to fit. I’m one of those people who love spiders but would strongly prefer not to be near them, so yeah, if given the choice, I think I’ll take my chances with Fornicus or the giant snake.
#15: Kinda King Kong
Massive monkey business.
If you’ll recall, “the ritual” was not exclusive to us, and was also happening at scattered locations across the globe. So long as any of the rituals were successful, the Ancient Ones wouldn’t destroy us. One by one, we see that the other rituals are failing, adding even more drama to the movie’s events. These scenes also show us monsters that wouldn’t have been part of the film otherwise, like this King Kong-esque gorilla, dead-and-defeated in Buenos Aires. Look close and you’ll notice that it had devil horns. Yes!
#16: The Twins
Come and play with them.
Lifted from The Shining, and with good reason. Those little girls were bad news. Even if most of the monsters had their inspirations, this was one of the few times where it was practically an exact match. And that’s great, because it makes you think about what other movie monsters might’ve been hiding in the cubes. Jason? Freddy? The wall-mounted marlin from House?
#17: The Yeti
Big feet. Short tempter. Likes ice cream.
“Bigfoot” or “Sasquatch” or “Wendigo,” if you prefer. I see him more as a yeti, which I’ve always taken to be the “trimmest” of that monster family. While listed on the whiteboard, the yeti’s appearance in the film is super brief, shown only on a surveillance monitor. Thankfully, the DVD extras gave us a much better view. I’m surprised that they didn’t cram him into the purge more visibly. He looks as he should, and he’s banging someone against metal lockers. Why hide this?
#18: Dragonbat
Don’t mess with Murray Futterman.
This isn’t my favorite design, let alone one of my favorite “monster types,” but ol’ Dragonbat really helped the pacing of the purge, attacking at top speeds and eradicating any sense that you were surrounded by easily-outrun “stalking” baddies. If we’re rating the monsters simply by the carnage they caused, Dragonbat would be much closer to the top. At the same time, I see him as one of the least intentionally evil of the creatures. He’s a big, carnivorous animal, just doing what come naturally.
#19: Plantopus
Maybe octopus, maybe plant, maybe neither.
This is another cube-only monster, and given that we were only meant to see it tiny-sized, I think they were going for a “giant octopus” thing. Blown up with the levels adjusted, it looks more like a deadly alien plant. I’ll split the difference: Let’s consider this a half-octopus, half-plant. From Neptune. It might be the least defined of all the TCITW monsters, but that works for it.
#20: Jack O’Lantern
A different kind of Pumpkinhead.
I don’t dare name Jack O’ Lantern’s inspiration – there are just too many possibilities, and none are a precise match. In this case, I’d prefer to think of the monster as an original creation. A pumpkin-headed guy-in-a-business-suit works for me, especially since this particular version can spit enormous flames from its mouth!
See #21-30 on the next page!