Pokemon Food Extravaganza!
Here’s a four-part Pokemon history lesson, using EXPIRED FOOD as our guide! Pick your poison, and learn more about the things Pokemon fans ate over a dozen years ago!
#3: Pokemon Pasta!
I’m cannibalizing most of the below from a review I wrote last year, on X-E’s now-defunct Tumblr. I’m allowed to steal from myself.
I found this in some seedy souvenir shop on the Atlantic City boardwalk back in 2005. However, the can is actually from 1999. We can assume that Pokemon Pasta is no longer safe to eat.
That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it as I would any other great art. Picasso had nothing on Henry John Heinz, and there is no concept higher than Eevee macaroni.
Okay, so something’s definitely happened to the sauce. The oils have separated from the tomatoes. They no longer get along. Trapped in a can for a dozen years, you and I would fare no better.
I didn’t notice any unusual odors. Actually, the stuff didn’t smell like anything. It’s strange to have something like this staring up at you with no corresponding olfactory alerts. Perhaps my senses have been dulled from so many years of eating metal.
The Pokemon pasta shapes have become a bit swollen, but that sort of malaise is to be expected when you’re the only available tiebreaker for the constant debates between oils and tomatoes. The problem is, I can’t really explain why.
I’m trying to decide if it looks good enough to eat. Probably not, since I never bothered to heat it.
I think Gengar and Eevee are the most accurate portrayals, but they’re all pretty good. Weird that Heinz would include Ash over Pikachu, though. Even weirder when you consider that all of the Pokemon are represented in full-body form, while Ash only gets a severed head. Is this evidence of a revolt? How often can Pokemon be made to shoot fire at each other before they turn on us?
