Rocks & Bugs & Things!
Rocks & Bugs & Things may very well be the strangest toy line of all time. Made by Ideal in 1985, there was nothing typical about these “hungry hunters with hidden horrors.”
This much should be obvious just by looking at the box. No, your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. No, there isn’t a softer explanation for what you’re seeing. That really is a fleshy monster, disguised as a rock, preparing to eat a little goblin. THAT’S WHAT’S IN THE BOX.
The line consisted of ten monstrous rocks and bugs. The rocks worked like simple Transformers, with terrible creatures masquerading as benign boulders. The bugs were only a little less interesting, with extra heads and appendages hidden in their mouths.
But wait, there’s more!
The creatures were positioned as bloodthirsty warriors, who fought endlessly over the “Mordles” – those being the little goblins seen on the box. Each figure came with one Mordle figure, and they were intended to be FOOD for the rocks and bugs!
I seriously could not name another toy line so bizarre in concept and execution. Monster rocks fighting mutant bugs over neon-colored edible imps? GLORIOUS. Read More…
Classic Creepy Commercials – Volume 3!
I’ve been absent for a few days, owing to several minor things that snowballed at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME. The assumption is that life went on without those three or four extra posts about candy and costumes.
In any event, now I’m back, and I have more Classic Creepy Commercials! Here’s the third volume, starring Herman Munster, Fred Willard and need I say more?
Beetlejuice Action Figures! (1990)
Neatly, the Beetlejuice toy collection was based on the movie – not the cartoon series. Every figure had a special feature, but most memorable were the several with pop-off heads that revealed SHRUNKEN heads underneath. (In a nod to the “waiting room” scene from the movie’s climax, which Kenner was apparently obsessed with.)
The series had an unmistakable Real Ghostbusters vibe, to the point where it’s easy to confuse some of the monsters with RGB figures. (Given that both lines were produced by Kenner, I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that some Beetlejuice figures were salvaged from RGB concepts.)
In fact, the least-known figures were the best of the bunch. This commercial features characters recognizable to anyone who’s seen the film, but even better were the ones exclusive to the toy line. (My favorite was “Street Rat,” a gothic punker who could transform into a giant, eyeball-flinging rat!) Read More…
Vintage Vending #18: Rotting Vermin!
Okay, this has gotta be the weirdest edition of Vintage Vending yet. LOOK AT THIS THING!
No formal title for the collection was provided, I guess because “Bugs & Fish Guts” would’ve been more polarizing than fetching.
Everything about it is off. I’ll describe the individual prizes in a minute, but each is stapled – literally stapled – to the card, and in entirely erratic positions. The card itself is impossibly flimsy, and for reasons I can’t even guess at, smothered with purposeless holes.
It’s another treasure from the Folz company, who also produced the Halloween Horrors collection. While this would’ve worked as “Halloween Horrors II,” the card forwent any title in favor of the word “FOLZ,” presented in multiple neon colors in a font more suited to football team logos.
The set’s enigmatic qualities only add to its appeal. In my view, throwing a bunch of rotting fish over a hot pink background reads less as “lazy” and more as “art.” Whoever assembled this was clearly trying to make a statement. I bet he wore a painter’s cap and teensy tiny glasses. I believe that with all of my heart. Read More…
Preserving the Monster Cereals.
After spending half of August gushing over Monster Cereals, I deliberately took a break from covering them – even as those swank retro boxes started piling up at Target.
Please don’t confuse my silence with dispassion. I bought those fuckers in bulk the second I saw them. Even over a month later, I still do a double-take every time I pass them. The 2013 Halloween season has had plenty of highlights, but make no mistake: The Monster Cereal explosion is this year’s biggest.
There’s little point in describing the retro boxes. Many of you own them, and those who don’t have surely seen the photos a hundred times already. I’m not here to regurgitate common knowledge, a turn of phrase that for some reason reminds me of frogs.
No, I’m here to make good on a vow.
My video review of Frute Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy came with a theory. I believed that fans (or at least, serious fans) would stockpile the hell out of these cereals, fearing that they wouldn’t return next year.
Five Monster Cereals, each in “normal” and “retro” box styles. That’s arguably ten cereals. I don’t have access to General Mills’ receipts, but they’d need to be making serious cash for this to happen again next year. The specialness of the revival can only happen once, and there’s a law of diminishing returns with this sort of thing. I’m not saying that they won’t be back at this level… just that I wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t.
That’s why I bought 42,000 boxes of Monster Cereals. To PRESERVE them. Read More…