Deadsites: House on Haunted Hill!
I saw House on Haunted Hill on its opening night – October 29th, 1999. A stone’s throw from the last Halloween of the ‘90s. I wonder if that’s why I have such fond memories of it?
I really do. I think it’s amazing. Too many people focus on its admittedly dopey ending, and forget that the ride leading up to it was so much fun. The remake of William Castle’s 1959 film was one of the few times that “tongue-in-cheek horror” worked perfectly for me. The film never took itself seriously… except when it needed to. The result was a horror movie that let you in on the joke, but never lost sight of what it was there for. From the way it looked to the way it sounded, everything (well, almost everything) just clicked.
Need a refresher? Here’s one of the early scares:
In the film, a group of seemingly unrelated guests try to win a million bucks by surviving a night in an abandoned asylum. What’s supposed to only have the trappings of an everyday dark ride (animatronic fake-outs and the like) becomes much more sinister: The asylum has a terrible history, and the spirits of those who suffered there have apparently never left.
That conceit gave House on Haunted Hill the chance to be a little bit of everything. It was a “bad ghosts” movie. A “monster” movie. A “mad doctor” movie. A “Hellraiser” movie. A “survive the apocalypse” movie. It had so much going for it, including the greatest possible setting: An asylum that was more like a castle, filled with psychotic medical equipment. Perfect! Read More…
Imperial’s Classic Movie Monsters!
If Imperial’s “Classic Movie Monsters” seem vaguely familiar… GOOD.
That’s the best way to describe them. “Vaguely familiar.” The small collection of laaaarge Universal Monsters figures arrived in 1986, and in one way or another, I’m convinced that everyone on the planet has owned at least one of them.
It’s partly because of their durability. Their paint may fade, but the figures are as hardy as bricks, and the only way they can be destroyed is if someone deliberately trashes them. This makes them pretty constant finds at yard sales, thrift stores, and Christmas fairs that have that one table of random bullshit hiding in the southwest corner.
But the main reason is that Imperial was one of those companies with tendrils that extended everywhere. You might have found these guys at a legit toy store, but you were just as likely to spot them in a pharmacy or bric-a-brac shop.
Plus, they were sold in so many different ways. The ones you’ll be seeing in this article came carded, but they were also sold “loose,” with nothing but little tags attached. For toys that very few kids actively sought, there were a billion ways to end up with them.
The thing is, their “commonness” only indicates… well, commonness. Imperial’s monster figures were gorgeous even in their crudeness, and to this day, they’re some of my favorite takes on those classic characters. Let’s take a closer look! Read More…
The Times Scare Disaster.
On Saturday night, a bunch of us went to Times Scare New York City, a restaurant slash haunted house that I’ve been spying on for years. This group also included my friends from Freddy in Space and The Sexy Armpit, so before I get too deep into the more boring parts of this review, let me apologize to them for getting everyone thrown out. Oops! More on that later!
Going in, we all knew what to expect: Tourist trap trappings with the bill to match. That was no big deal, and I don’t want to let WHAT HAPPENED LATER (!!!) spoil the good parts of our experience. If nothing else, Times Scare looked the part! Read More…
MORE Vicious Videocassette Boxes!
Continuing on with the Vicious Videocassette Boxes series, here’s Part 2! Five more dusty old tapes, and the memories they inspire!
#6: Ghoulies II (1988)
Watch the trailer!
You should remember the original Ghoulies from the first batch. This time, the “green toilet monster” shed his clothes and gained an ally! It all seems more deliberately comical than the original’s box, which makes sense, because Ghoulies II was as much a comedy as a horror movie.
When I tell people to give this franchise a chance, I’m mostly talking about Ghoulies II. It was the perfect little monster movie. This time, the Ghoulies – now taking much more central roles – invade a carnival, and spend as much time messing with the attractions as they do the attendees. The film also has a strong contender for “best ending ever,” with the heroes summoning a GIANT-SIZED Ghoulie to come devour the smaller ones. (Words can’t describe!)
Oh, and about that box. While the first movie only used the “toilet gag” in promotional materials, Ghoulies II actually delivered it onscreen. Yep, some poor shitter finally gets it on the ass. If you’re planning a horror movie marathon and want to steer clear of flicks everyone’s seen a dozen times already, PUT THIS ON YOUR LIST. Read More…