In this edition of Five Retro TV Commercials, we’re celebrating everything from Kool-Aid to Sunny D. And also a few things that aren’t drinks.

Super Naturals! (1987)

A line like Super Naturals could’ve only happened in the ‘80s, when the action figure market was white hot. By today’s standards, even massively-pushed brands with associated toons and movies would never get toys this intense.

The main figures were each a bit taller than He-Man, with holographic torsos that alternated between human and monster forms. Snakebite, for example, could change from a snake charmer into a literal cobra. (Guess which form I preferred.)

You could easily argue that Super Naturals was the best of the 1980s “limited” toy lines — meaning the ones that came and went with little outside support. I loved these figures as much as I’ve loved any figures, and I never had to hear one voiced by Chris Latta to get there. Nice work, Tonka! Read More…

Posted by Matt on 05/12/18
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Time for another batch of ‘80s and ‘90s TV commercials, pulled from my ginormous collection of half-rotted VHS tapes. Get set for Ninja Turtles, Slurpees and gratuitously creepy PSAs.

Turtle Power Hotline! (1990)

Kids! Call this special 900 number to listen to songs from the live-action Ninja Turtles movie! Add five bucks to your parents’ phone bill just to hear Partners in Kryme’s Turtle Power!

TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Yeah, it would’ve been more cost effective to just buy the soundtrack, but it’s not like we cared enough to do the math. I could totally see the me-of-then sneaking a call, and for all I know, I did.

More interesting than the hotline was the commercial for the hotline, which featured everything from mixed aspect ratios to an iffy Ninja Turtles impression. “It’s almost as cool as pizza!” Read More…

Posted by Matt on 05/08/18
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We’re long past the point where Halloween III: Season of the Witch needs defending. It’s now celebrated for the same reasons it was once vilified. In summary: It dared to be different.

The film plays more like a 1970s sci-fi thriller than a chapter in an ‘80s slasher franchise, and if someone asked me what’s so good about it, I’d just say that.

But there’s a subtler draw, too. Something you only pick up on after watching Halloween III for the hundredth time. It’s fun to see someone’s head transform into snakes, but there’s gotta be something else about this film that keeps us coming back.

Eventually, it hits you:

Halloween III is an amazing road trip movie.

So we had Dan Challis and Ellie Grimbridge infiltrating a sinister novelty factory, right? If you ignore the fact that it doesn’t exactly end well for them, they really do have a kickass time on the journey.

Their impromptu road trip resembles so many of my own adventures, and it always inspires me to go on more of them. Squeeze out the murders, the robots and the magic masks, and I’d go so far to say that it was the perfect road trip. Below are six reasons why!

#1: It wasn’t planned.

The best road trips happen on the fly. So much of the appeal lies in the surprise factor, and that’s way diminished if you know exactly where you’re going and exactly what you’re doing.

Dan and Ellie barely knew each other when they hit the highway. Ellie’s searching for clues about who murdered her father, and Dan… well, Dan just seems to tag along for the hell of it. You get the impression that both are craving adventure as much as answers.

(Keep in mind, Dan’s sole preparation for the trip involved buying a six-pack. Hardly the expected start for an amateur murder investigation!) Read More…

Posted by Matt on 05/07/18
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