Dinosaur Dracula!

Fictional Food That Looks Friggin’ Good.

Tonight we’re gonna look at eight fictitious foods from movies and television that I really, really want to eat.

If I’m ever condemned, my last meal request will include three fish biscuits and a tall glass of whatever that shit was that they drank in Death Becomes Her.

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#1: Luke’s Rations!
The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Not long after crash-landing on Dagobah, Luke Skywalker picks through some weird tackle box filled with alien space food. These ration kits were probably standard-issue for all Rebel troops, and one look at that delicious little smorgasbord goes a long way in explaining their loyalty to the cause.

We don’t get a great view of what’s inside, because a tight inspection might’ve betrayed the food’s earthly origins. From what I can see, it looks like pretzel rods, some high-end Pepperidge Farm snacks, Tic Tacs, sugar cubes, and those things you feed to donkeys at the zoo. I would gladly die for Rebel Alliance if it meant getting a compartmentalized boxful of vending machine crap. Read More…

Five Random Action Figures, Part 17!

It’s time for the latest edition of Five Random Action Figures, which takes the total number of figures featured over the course of this series to a cool 85. We’re almost up to a hundred! I’ll try to plan something special for that edition, and by “special” I hope I don’t mean “grab the first five figures from the nearest plastic tub.”

In any event, this edition is special in its own way, too. All of the figures spotlighted below were purchased last Saturday at the Atlantic City Boardwalk Con!

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a-5Blanka
G.I. Joe / Street Fighter II, 1993

It’s been over twenty years, and I’m still rocked by the oddity of placing Street Fighter II characters under the G.I. Joe umbrella. Rocked, but thankful. Hasbro definitely knew how to work those characters in this scale, and doing so provided the added bonus of letting us envision Dhalsim making Tomax yelp by kicking Xamot in the face.

Blanka, resplendent in his jade greenness, might be the collection’s shining star. Hasbro ditched the idea of Blanka being a crouching, ape-like beast, instead presenting him as a sort of Average Joe (Average G.I. Joe) who just happened to have punky skin and hair.

I dig the transition. I couldn’t see Video Game Blanka saying much more than BLEEEAAARRRRUUGH, but in a pinch, I could totally see Action Figure Blanka narrating historical biographies while sipping boysenberry tea. This Blanka is the Grey Hulk to regular Blanka’s Green Hulk, which makes the figure’s emerald hide all the more confusing. Read More…

Highlights from the AC Boardwalk Con!

On Saturday, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit visited the first-ever Atlantic City Boardwalk Con, a sort of generalized pop culture celebration that to me felt like a delightfully miniaturized version of SDCC.

Held at the still-sparkly Atlantic City Convention Center, “ACBC” was my best con experience in a long time. Big enough to feel like a major event but still intimate enough to not overwhelm anyone, I was impressed with everything from the layout to the variety of attractions to the damn parking garage.

The convention’s main draw was a number of big (and several not-so-big) stars doing autograph sessions, which I gleefully ignored in favor of simply exploring the floor and maybe buying some old toys. I did hear that the autograph portions of the show came with a few headaches, but for someone like me — someone who just wanted to roam free for a couple of hours while adding comics and action figures to an increasingly heavy bag — it was close to perfect.

Below are my eleven favorite things about ACBC. Here’s to hoping it returns next year!

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#1: The Atmosphere.

We went on Saturday morning, and while there were a lot of people there, the convention could’ve comfortably fit twice as many visitors. I suppose that could mean that the show didn’t perform quite as well as its backers were hoping, but I prefer to think that they just invested in the right venue.

The Atlantic City Convention Center is huuuuuge. The ceiling was out of reach for anyone smaller than the Cloverfield monster. There were tons of vendors, but they weren’t sardine-packed.

This made for a great atmosphere. You didn’t need push or shove to get from Point A to Point B. You could mindlessly stop to adore some cool thing without being immediately trampled by the ten people who were secretly one foot behind you. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood, and I think the extra space had a lot to do with it. Read More…

Someone’s amazing old sticker album.

Last July, I introduced you to The Ultimate ‘80s Sticker Album, which originally belonged to a complete stranger. One who really, really liked stickers.

Well, I’ve found a similar album, which once belonged to another stranger. It’s not as jampacked as the album from last summer, but in its way, it’s just as awesome:

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The Official Sticker Collector’s Album was released in 1983 by Gordy International, which certainly had a vested interest in making kids obsess over stickers. Gordy International was one of its era’s leading sticker companies, offering adhesive versions of everything from legit cartoon characters to anthropomorphized foodstuffs.

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Fortunately, this album’s original owner didn’t stop at Gordy’s stickers. There’s a little bit of everything in here, hitting so many subjects and in such random order that it almost feels more like a parody of ‘80s stickers albums than a “real” one.

What’s more interesting is that the stickers aren’t only from the ‘80s. A few Power Ranger appearances suggest that this album was in use until the late ‘90s. Given that there are stickers here too old for even me to remember, this merits discussion!

My best guess is that someone a little older than me started the album, before passing it down to a much younger brother or sister many years later. I’m rather digging the idea of a messy sticker album becoming a family heirloom. This is the sticker book version of the Winslow quilt from Family Matters. Read More…

This is the most ’80s thing ever.

I found it, I found it. The most impossibly ‘80s thing of all impossibly ‘80s things.

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Ironically, for all I know, it might’ve come out in the ‘90s.

This Sun Kids combo pack blends two things that perfectly bookend all of my other childhood memories: Cheap sunglasses with neon frames… and puffy stickers. I honestly could not choose a better two items to represent “1986” in the form of meretricious pharmacy toys. Read More…