You know how I bombard you with weird appetizer recipes every Christmas season? I’d like to start doing the same for Halloween. You can’t stop me.
I’ve been collecting these little Halloween recipe books for longer than you’ve been alive. They’re placed near the registers in every supermarket at this time of year, and I always buy them. It’s become reflexive. Who knew you could do so many gross things with chicken?
I usually grab ’em early in the season, when I’m still dreaming about hosting my own Halloween party. Those parties never seem to materialize, so as it relates to making goblin heads out of celery sticks and oranges, I have an untapped lust.
Well, no more! I’m finally taking the plunge, party or no party. Below are five spooky appetizers, all built from recipes found in these books. (Credit to the Pillsbury Doughboy, I guess.) I hope they encourage you to spend at least one autumn afternoon as a creepy cook.
Monster Tacos are actually easier to prepare than regular tacos. Instead of shredded cheddar, you use a full slice that’s been trimmed to resemble monster teeth. Instead of diced tomatoes, you slip in one whole piece to act as the tongue. Toss in some olive eyeballs, and you’re done!
They’re like edible Food Fighters, or maybe cousins of those horrible cupcakes from Young Sherlock Holmes. Best of all, they definitely “read” as monster faces. (I own a lot of spooky recipe books, and all too often, you’d need to serve the dishes with PowerPoint presentations for anyone to have any clue about what you were going for.)
Recommended? Yes! The prep is quick, the presentation is great, and as it turns out, I might like tacos with one big piece of cheese and one big slice of tomato better than the traditional way. Trust me, it works! Read More…
I can’t say that it’s been a banner year for Halloween junk food. So far, I’ve seen too many repeats and not enough new-and-noteworthy candies. (Course, average buyers wouldn’t notice the difference, and they’re the ones who matter.)
On the other hand, I did manage to find enough new-for-2018 goodies to continue my annual essays about Halloween junk food. Below are five of this year’s must-haves.
Brisk/Venom Symbiotic Dark Cherry Limeade!
Found on: eBay
Guys, do not sleep on this one. Brisk’s Symbiotic Dark Cherry Limeade isn’t just “okay” or “good enough to drink” — it’s downright phenomenal. I’d go so far to say that it’s the best “soda” I’ve had in years, even if “soda” isn’t the right word.
It’s somewhere between a Brisk Iced Tea and a Ssips Cherry-Berry juice box. “Dark cherry limeade” is pretty much my dream flavor, but this was still so much better than I was anticipating. I would not be surprised if Brisk keeps the flavor around even after this Venom promotion runs its course. Honestly, they might not have a choice. I’ll picket the f out of them.
GRADE: A+. While the Venom theme may be the draw, it’s the taste that will guarantee repeat purchases. I refuse to believe that there exists a single person who won’t love this. Read More…
When people like me bring up the old McDonald’s Halloween pails, we’re usually talking about the first few sets of them, which still stand as some of the most famous (and objectively best) Happy Meal toys ever.
Less-celebrated are the many “sequel” sets dotted across the 1990s. Bless McDonald’s for trying, but as they continually revamped the pails with wackier designs and added features, they lost the core simplicity that made the originals so beloved to begin with.
Still, while those first few sets may forever be the fan favorites, the later editions certainly weren’t garbage. Take the 1992 set, for example, which struck a nice balance between the originals’ simplicity and the later editions’ cartoony excesses: Read More…
For years now, I’ve been telling y’all that old greeting card stores are some of the best places to find ancient Halloween stuff. It was never a stretch:
Locating these stores has been one of my Halloween rituals for a loooong time, and guys, they never disappoint.
Since mom-and-pop greeting card stores have largely become places for people to just buy scratch-offs and coffee, the stock just sits there collecting dust through the years. What was once new becomes vintage, and we get to be the gnarly vultures.
Play your cards right, and you’ll walk out with Halloween decorations from the early ‘90s and even earlier — all at their original prices, to boot!
Get the whole scoop in today’s video:
I went to four different greeting card stores to prove my point, and this vid should inspire you to go on similar adventures. At least, I hope it does, because that was my main point in putting this together!
We’ll take a tour of various stores, and of course, I’ll show you all of the goodies I picked up. If you want a few spoilers, check out the images below. Yes, all of this old spooky junk was right there for the taking: Read More…
Get set for the best edition of Classic Creepy Commercials yet. I’m serious. I’m Babe Ruthing this mofo.
All of these ads were rescued from taped-off-television compilations. For maximum effect, imagine them sandwiched between seven-minute stretches of DuckTales and Scooby-Doo. You were wearing Skidz and eating Tato Skins, and you hoped that nobody could see you.
Local Haunted House! (1990)
Whenever I write about old TV commercials, there’s a percentage of you who take my word on things and never actually play them. PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T DO THAT WITH THIS ONE.
From El Paso, Texas — Halloween capital of the world — it’s Junior Woman’s Haunted House Spectacular! From what I can tell, this was some sort of local, low-fi Halloween event where kids could meet Dracula and other costumed creeps.
That such a thing even had a TV commercial is amazing enough, but the fact that they pitched Junior Woman’s Haunted House Spectacular with a custom rap makes watching this the best possible use of 30 seconds.
It’s oh-so-imitable, and the replay value is through the roof. I encoded this six months ago, and I’ve seriously watched it more than 200 times. It’s become my go-to medicine for whenever things are bad.
Best part: The music was added in post, which explains why every one of those three dozen kids appeared to be dancing to a different song. Read More…
We visited a random party store in Jersey, and guys, this place was a goldmine. Looked like it hadn’t been renovated since 1992.
The layout of their mask section was SO old school. Taking that as a hint, I dug deeper and found tons of vintage Halloween thingies hiding in the aisles.
Take a tour of the store and see what I picked up in tonight’s video:
Some of the best parts of Halloween are hiding in the shadows. Once you get done with your Target and Walmart and Spirit Halloween runs, make sure you look for places like this. It’s where yesteryear’s Halloween junk lives forever!
…heck, you might just go home with “Horror Nails” and the world’s worst Jason mask.
Thanks for watching the vid, and have a great weekend!